The Looney Tunes Show · Season 2
[entering the house] We won again! One more goal, and the bobcats are state champions!
Oh, that's great! We should have a party to celebrate. [sits up on the sofa, revealing to be fully weight gained; confused] What?
You look different. Did you get a haircut?
No. (I didn't.)
Are those new gloves?
[looks at his gloves] No. (They're not.)
You know, if Daffy's team wins, we should celebrate. Have a party at my place tonight.
Bugs, I don't think I should be your caterer anymore.
What?
Those recipes aren't healthy. No one's supposed to eat that much butter.
Aw, come on. What's the big deal?
I think you're the big deal.
Wait a second. I know what's different about you. You're ten times bigger than you used to be!
What's with the sunglasses?
I'm keeping a low profile.
[knocks off Daffy's sunglasses with her wand; annoyed] You got some nerve!
What? Because of the email? Because I said you're scary witch? You're not!
More iced tea?
Not too much ice. [Speedy annoyingly pours the tea on him] You're mad? Why are you mad? Because I said calling yourself speedy sounds braggy? It does. I don't call myself handsome.
[annoyed] You know what people should call you? Jerk.
Why is everyone so mad at you?
I accidentally sent a mass email spelling out in great detail how I feel about people.
Ah, who else did you send it to?
Everybody. Everyone I've ever interacted with. Everyone who matters to me, who I have a relationship with. Anyone who makes any impression on me at all. So... everybody. Every single person in my life.
You didn't send it to me.
[Bugs is seen driving a boat unaware Lola is right behind him driving a ski boat calling out to him. He finally hears her and looks back and surprised to see her]
Lola?
[He stops his boat causing Lola accidentally crash into the back fly right in. Bugs lifts her up]
[amused at Daffy’s lobster pain] Relatively painless.
People need to chill out.
Bag-less, light weight, durable five-year warranty, free ship… Free shipping? Hello, mommy. I think someone just made her way to my cart. Do I wanna proceed to checkout or buy all my items with a simple quick click? Do you have to ask? Quick click. See you babies in three to five business days.
[offscreen] Daffy!
[Outside, Bugs and Daffy stand in front of the garage as Bugs opens the garage door, revealing dozens of packages]
Yeah?
What is all this?
Stuff I bought on the Internet.
How did you pay for it?
You don't have to pay for it. You just press quick click.
You used my computer! The quick click is connected to my bank account!
Oh, that's why it always says, "Thank you for purchase, Mr. Bunny."
It's all going back.
But I need all this stuff!
I think you have a shopping problem.
I don't have a shopping problem.
Oh, really? A battery operated spaghetti fork?
It's the ultimate time saver. Says it right there on the package.
It's going back.
Video games? What are you, nine years old?
It's not just any video game, it's the best video game. "Gribbler's Quest 4: Elves VS. Fairies VS. Gribblers." You can play it as an elf or as a fairy. But you have to get to level 15 to be a gribbler.
[annoyingly swipes the game console out of his hands] I don't want one more package delivered to this house.
Fine. [shouting as Bugs goes inside the house] I would've let you use the toilet paper warmer!
[closes the front door, ignoring him and walks into the kitchen] "Elves VS. Fairies VS. Gribblers." [sets the game console down on the table and gets a soda can out from the fridge] What the heck is a gribbler, anyway?
I know in the past, we've talked a lot about my fear of commitment. Uh, I don't know if this qualifies as a breakthrough or not, uh, but this week, I've decided to try online dating.
What is this?
It's a group therapy.
What? I don't need group therapy.
Shh!
Sam, do you have anything you'd like to share?
I had, uh, I had a setback this week. I shot my dry cleaner.
[shocked] Huh?!
Oh, it's just a water pistol, but I-I just kept a-shootin'. I couldn't stop. I just felt so angry.
Why were you angry?
They didn't get the stain out of my kerchief.
Do you think your anger might have been… misdirected?
Oh, wow. I hadn't thought of that. Well, I wasn't mad at him at all.
How do you think you're actually angry with?
It was those kids. I'm mad at all those kids who used to tease me on the playground! It's not my fault I had a mustache in 3rd grade. I just wanted to be like everybody else. [bursts into tears] No one gave me a chance!
[As the three are stranded in Alaska]
Sufferin' succotash, where are we?
Ooohh. Cold! Taz hate cold!
Oh, what a disastrous place this is! I'm already freezing my tail feathers off! [He touched his tail feather and it falls out]
Don't panic. Maybe I can see home from the top of that mountain.
Mountain? You'll be a frozen catsicle before you ever get there.
Look, bird. It's your fault we're in this resulting predicament!
My fault? I didn't do nothing!
You tempted me.
By taking a bath? You got problems, man! I'm going to find a nice, warm town!
You, beast! Coming with me?
Taz.
What?
Name, Taz!
Let's go, Taz. I hope I never see you again, bane of my existence!
[Bugs, Daffy, Porky, and Rodney are all hanging out at Speedy's Pizzariba]
Man, Bugs, you haven't changed a bit.
Eh, so how did you guys meet?
Summer camp.
Lame.
Camp Winninake.
Camp Winninake? I went to Camp Winninake!
Oh, really? I don't remember you there. What cabin were you in? We were Cabin Seven, the Sharks.
Oh, Cabin Three, the Tadpoles. None of us could swim, so we did a lot of inside activities.
Ooh, man, I remember the first day of camp. I didn't even want to get off the bus. But then I met Bugs, and we became best friends.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Looney Tunes Show pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
