Madame Rothschild quotes from The Life and Times of Juniper Lee

Madame Rothschild

Ah, the theater. This hallowed ground teeming with memories: life, death, comedy, tragedy. The very core of human existence played out for all the world to see at outrageous ticket prices. Welcome, children. Welcome to yet another thrilling season at Madame Rothschild's drama camp. For those of you newcomers, I am Madame Edna Rothschild. You might recognize me for my many appearances on stage and screen, and most recently a national antiperspirant commercial. (gestures a poster of herself on said antiperspirant commercial) Now, the big news. This year's production is going to be a real treat. An original musical, written by yours truly, based on the legendary tale, Jack and the Beanstalk. Auditions will begin tomorrow morning at 10:00 sharp. So good night, good luck, and good acting!

Madame Rothschild

Thank you! Congratulations, you're the goose that lays the golden eggs.

Madame Rothschild

Next!

Madame Rothschild

Splendid! The village idiot.

Madame Rothschild

Go, now!

Madame Rothschild

No, no, no, no, no! You've got to sell it, darling, sell it! Belt to the back to the theater and make them beg for more! Watch and learn. Hit it, Harry!

Madame Rothschild

Telling an actor to break a leg is a grand old tradition in theater, and now, I have. Oh, the irony!

Madame Rothschild

No, child. The theater demands total commitment, body and soul. (gets up from her wheelchair) No, my darlings. While I'd rather hang from the gallows that made this decisions, I fear the show must be cancelled!

Madame Rothschild

And you will, my dear!

Madame Rothschild

I like your moxie. (Juniper and the others walk away) You remind me of myself when I was just a young chorus girl with dreams of becoming a big Broadway star. And like you, those dreams will be crushed into dust like snails' shells on concrete. But still, the job of director is yours. (pulls out a script) This script contains everything you will need to make my vision a reality. Take it, learn from it, listen to the call of the muse. I have put my soul into this show, Ophelia. I am handing you my very soul. Do you understand?

Madame Rothschild

(comes in) This is a travesty, a theatrical mockery! A grotesque display of...

Madame Rothschild

Oh, well, yes, it came to me in a dream. (to Ophelia) The second act better be as good as the first. (pushes Ophelia aside) You don't think that the [Unsure for words 20:26-20:28] was a bit too Andrew Lloyd Webber, do you?

Madame Rothschild

Bravo! Bravo! Bravo!