Ophelia Ramírez quotes from The Life and Times of Juniper Lee

What is that?

Ophelia Ramírez

That is a Cowardly Lion made of chopped liver.

Ew.

Ophelia Ramírez

Yeah, classy. It's like a royal wedding in here, isn't it?

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Uh, we're fine?

RRRay Ray Lee (June)

Hey, tell me something and be honest. Does my hair look extra bouncy today? Cuz seriously, watch this! (bounces her hair)

Ophelia Ramírez

Okay, who are you and what did you do with Juniper Lee?

MMonroe (Ray Ray)

Oooh nothing. She's just real excited (clears up throat and does American accent) She's just real excited because she- used a new conditioner. What a dweeb, eh? (Ray Ray snorts and him and Monroe start to laugh)

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(a huge sign announcing SCHOOL DANCE THIS FRIDAY NIGHT)

Ophelia Ramírez

(disgusted) Ugh, a school dance? Oh, the gym will be packed, the fashions will be vile and hello, the music will be nauseating.

Yeah. (looks down hopefully) You wanna go with me?

Ophelia Ramírez

I'd sooner shave my head and eat a bucket of cockroaches.

So is that a yes or a maybe?

Ophelia Ramírez

Idiot!

(excited) Ooh yeah, that's a maybe!

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I've got some bad news for you!

Oh... ...what is it?

Marcus isn't going to ask you to the dance.

Oh, oh man, are you sure?

Yes. He asked somebody else.

Who?

(thinking)... Me.

What?

I know.

What?!?

I know!

Huh, what do you mean he asked you? Why's he asking you? You said he was gonna ask me and now he's asking you? How did that happen? What did you say?

Well, I pretty much just ran away, but I think I said yes 'cus he already left the message about what time we're gonna meet!

Oh, this can't be happening. Why didn't you just say no?

I panicked! If I didn't say yes, he would have asked Melissa! She was circling us like a vulture the entire time! She was ready to pounce.

Ophelia Ramírez

The girl's like a starving dog at a raw meat buffet.

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Augh... Great. My social life is officially dead.

(smiling) 'Cept! ... Jody's got a plan.

Ophelia Ramírez

(Smiling and nudging at Jody) Tell her about the plan!

Okay... Here's the deal. But once where there, I act really, really mean and dumb! And you step in, take my place and ta-daa! ... Everybody's happy.

Ophelia Ramírez

Good, huh? Veerry devious. I've never been so proud. (Beaming with pride)

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Ray Ray Lee

I would puke if I had done it all night at the Mega-Swirl-a-Tron.

New boy at school! New boy at school! [very fast and excited] He just moved here from Walnut Grove, [runs up to Roger] he lives on Devonshire Drive, [runs up to Ray Ray] his eyes are green, his favorite color is blue, [to Ophelia] he likes a light breakfast, usually toast and occasionally cereal with a sliced banana. [breathes] And he's really cute! Crazy cute! So cute you gotta go home and change your outfit cute! ...Which I did, twice.

Ophelia Ramírez

This boy got a name?

[sighs dreamily] Taylor Evermore.

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Ophelia, you're not even trying.

Ophelia Ramírez

Duh.

You're gonna let Mellisa O'Malley and her evil minions beat us?

Ophelia Ramírez

Wait, wait, wait. You wanna win this thing purely out of spite?

Yeah.

Ophelia Ramírez

Works for me. [starts doing faster pull-ups]

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Hey June, did you see where Taylor went after the meet? He just kind of, disappeared.

Um, yeah, he had to go out of town. I think his dad got... transfered.

Ophelia Ramírez

Wow, that was fast.

Marcus Conner

Not fast enough, that guy was evil.

Yeah well, maybe not entirely.

He was really cute!

[laughing] Yeah, so cute!

Ophelia Ramírez

Major cute!

Crazy cute! [sees Marcus wilt at this]..But, you're way cuter! (Both smile, then realize what June just said [pause] Okay, gotta go!

Marcus Conner

Yeah, me too! [Both look back at each other and disappear off-screen at the same time]

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Ophelia Ramírez

I need you to play the rest of the parts.

I'll do it if I can be the raccoon!

Ophelia Ramírez

No.

How about a scene with the raccoon?

Ophelia Ramírez

No.

Can you at least introduce me to the raccoon?

Ophelia Ramírez

You wanna die?

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Watermelon! Get it while it's hot!

Ophelia Ramírez

Roger! I'm not gonna tell you again, stick to the script!

Okay, okay, okay! But can I make stuff up?

Ophelia Ramírez

That's it, you're a mute.

Cool! Does a mute get to sing? 'Cause I've been working on a little number.

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Hey Ophelia (as she shows and sees Ophelia upset and angry.) oh oh boy I am so so so sorry! I am so so late uh I was really tied up with um well. I was just busy with stuff and but you know i'm here now and ready to go.

Ophelia Ramírez

You're too late! Even if we filmed all night, I still wouldn't have time to cut it together for tomorrow.

Oh, Ophelia, I'm I'am really really sorry, Opheila. I just had to be...

Ophelia Ramírez

Someplace? (angry) I know, you have to be someplace, do something, go somewhere, anything but be here for your friends.

Ophelia, I-

Ophelia Ramírez

BUT THIS WAS IMPORTANT TO ME, JUNE AND YOU COULDN'T. JUST THIS ONE TIME BE HERE FOR ME, I'D DO ANYTHING FOR YOU and you couldn't do this for me. You're my best friend and sometimes sometimes I can't even remember why.