Jody Irwin quotes from The Life and Times of Juniper Lee

Jody Irwin

Come on, it'll be so much fun! Everybody can come to my house. (gasps) We'll have a slumber party and do makeovers!

Jody Irwin

Don't be silly, Roger, you have to come. Then we can finally do something about your hair.

Jody Irwin

Rachel?

Jody Irwin

Aw, come on, guys. My sister won't be a problem, I promise. Besides, Rachel's got a new boyfriend, so she's really really in a good place right now.

Jody Irwin

So, I'll see you guys at 8:00, then?

Juniper Lee

No offense, Jody, but every time we come to one of your family things, your mom makes us work.

Jody Irwin

That is so not true.

Ophelia Ramírez

Oh, yeah? Well, what about your bother's last birthday party?

Juniper Lee

Somebody's been eating my porridge.

Ophelia Ramírez

Somebody's been eating my porridge.

Roger Radcliffe

Somebody's been eating my porridge, and they ate it-- (An ice cream cone gets thrown at his face) All right, McIntyre, you wanna piece of this?! You want some?! AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!! (Proceeds to beat him offscreen)

Jody Irwin

No, no, no. It's not gonna be like that. (June, Ophelia and Roger give her a look) Okay, it's gonna be exactly like that. Except this time, she wants The Wizard of Oz.

Roger Radcliffe

No way! I am not playing Dorothy again!

Ophelia Ramírez

Come on, Roge, admit it. You love those red shoes.

Roger Radcliffe

Did not! (Beat) Okay, maybe a little. Having a sense of fashion isn't a crime, you know.

Jody Irwin

Uh, we're fine?

Hey, tell me something and be honest. Does my hair look extra bouncy today? Cuz seriously, watch this! (bounces her hair)

Ophelia Ramírez

Okay, who are you and what did you do with Juniper Lee?

Oooh nothing. She's just real excited (clears up throat and does American accent) She's just real excited because she- used a new conditioner. What a dweeb, eh? (Ray Ray snorts and him and Monroe start to laugh)

Jody Irwin

I've got some bad news for you!

Juniper Lee

Oh... ...what is it?

Jody Irwin

Marcus isn't going to ask you to the dance.

Juniper Lee

Oh, oh man, are you sure?

Jody Irwin

Yes. He asked somebody else.

Juniper Lee

Who?

Jody Irwin

(thinking)... Me.

Juniper Lee

What?

Jody Irwin

I know.

Juniper Lee

What?!?

Jody Irwin

I know!

Juniper Lee

Huh, what do you mean he asked you? Why's he asking you? You said he was gonna ask me and now he's asking you? How did that happen? What did you say?

Jody Irwin

Well, I pretty much just ran away, but I think I said yes 'cus he already left the message about what time we're gonna meet!

Juniper Lee

Oh, this can't be happening. Why didn't you just say no?

Jody Irwin

I panicked! If I didn't say yes, he would have asked Melissa! She was circling us like a vulture the entire time! She was ready to pounce.

Ophelia Ramírez

The girl's like a starving dog at a raw meat buffet.

Juniper Lee

Augh... Great. My social life is officially dead.

Roger Radcliffe

(smiling) 'Cept! ... Jody's got a plan.

Ophelia Ramírez

(Smiling and nudging at Jody) Tell her about the plan!

Jody Irwin

Okay... Here's the deal. But once where there, I act really, really mean and dumb! And you step in, take my place and ta-daa! ... Everybody's happy.

Ophelia Ramírez

Good, huh? Veerry devious. I've never been so proud. (Beaming with pride)

Jody Irwin

But, if Marcus can make it pass my breath, I'm gonna take this egg salad sandwich and start chompin' it down like a coyote.

Juniper Lee

Uh, that's kinda gross.

Jody Irwin

I know! It's perfect!

Ray Ray Lee

I would puke if I had done it all night at the Mega-Swirl-a-Tron.

Jody Irwin

New boy at school! New boy at school! [very fast and excited] He just moved here from Walnut Grove, [runs up to Roger] he lives on Devonshire Drive, [runs up to Ray Ray] his eyes are green, his favorite color is blue, [to Ophelia] he likes a light breakfast, usually toast and occasionally cereal with a sliced banana. [breathes] And he's really cute! Crazy cute! So cute you gotta go home and change your outfit cute! ...Which I did, twice.

Ophelia Ramírez

This boy got a name?

Jody Irwin

[sighs dreamily] Taylor Evermore.

Monroe

Pardon me lass, but wouldn't actually be trying to win this thing, would ya?!

Juniper Lee

And what if I am?

Monroe

Have you completely lost your senses?! You're the Te Xuan Ze for pity's sake! Not only is that an unfair advantage, but you're attracting too much attention.

Juniper Lee

Oh please, I am totally working under the radar here. Bit by bit I am carefully, carefully, edging out the competition.

Jody Irwin

June! You just did 173 pull-ups! That's a new international record!

Jody Irwin

Hey June, did you see where Taylor went after the meet? He just kind of, disappeared.

Juniper Lee

Um, yeah, he had to go out of town. I think his dad got... transfered.

Ophelia Ramírez

Wow, that was fast.

Marcus Conner

Not fast enough, that guy was evil.

Juniper Lee

Yeah well, maybe not entirely.

Jody Irwin

He was really cute!

Juniper Lee

[laughing] Yeah, so cute!

Ophelia Ramírez

Major cute!

Juniper Lee

Crazy cute! [sees Marcus wilt at this]..But, you're way cuter! (Both smile, then realize what June just said [pause] Okay, gotta go!

Marcus Conner

Yeah, me too! [Both look back at each other and disappear off-screen at the same time]