TV show quotes
[Bette makes a toast]
Dana... Tanya. I lift my glass to caring, kindness, and trust, and longevity, and respect. To all the things that you will need to keep your love alive. I wish you happiness. And I hope you forever spare each other pain. [long pause, smiling, holding back tears] And if you find that isn't possible, then I wish you forgiveness. [drinks, then walks out without looking at Tina]
[Bette and Tina are talking on the phone]
And you know who's responsible for this? Your buddy Helena Peabody. That woman's a fucking dragon, and she's making my life a living hell.
[Tina does not respond]
Oh, please don't tell me you're sleeping with her.
Bette...
[frustrated tone] Are you sleeping with her? Are you fucking sleeping with her?
It's none of your fucking business!
Don't do it, Tina. That woman will eat you alive. She's a vampire.
[sarcastic] Yeah, and a dragon.
That's right. She's a monster! However you want to categorize it, she likes to fuck people for sport and...
And you don't? Like that time with Candace?
[admitting that he is gay] I am a card carrying member of the Cock-Sucker's Club.
[being interviewed by Mark] My name is Carmen de la Pica Morales. The first time I knew I was gay... I was 16 back then. I fell madly in love with Lucia Torres. She was Pablo Fuentes' girlfriend. In my high school, you just... you didn't fuck with Pablo's girl. But I did.
[to Mark, with urge to pee, but having seen that Jenny and Carmen are having sex in the bathroom] Use the bushes.
Don't laugh, OK?
[Comes out from bathroom naked wearing a strap-on]
[pause] Fuck... Who's laughing?
[whispering in Dana's ear] I want you to fuck me really hard with a strap-on.
[to Alice about using a strap-on] Is it a bisexual thing? You tryin' to have your cake and eat your pussy too?
[Mark tries to make amends after Jenny discovers he has been filming her and Shane on hidden cameras]
I wish so much that there was something I could do.
No, I don't think there's anything that you can do. I think you did it.
When I moved in here, I was the type of guy who was capable of doing shit like this. But I am not that guy anymore. I know that I've said it before, but you and Shane have made me a better man.
Oh, fuck off, Mark. It's not my job to make you a better man and I don't give a shit if I've made you a better man. It's not a fucking woman's job to be consumed and invaded and spat out so that some fucking man can evolve.
That's not what I meant.
What the fuck are you talking about, then, Mark? You give me one reason why you think that I should forgive you.
Because, Jenny. I made a big, big mistake. But from that I have learned how difficult it is to be a woman.
Ugh. Please. [walks away]
Wait, Jenny! Hey! Look at this! [strips naked]
What are you doing?
Is this what you want?
No. [hurls a pen at him] What I want is for you to write "fuck me" on your chest. Write it. Do it! And then I want you to walk out that door and I want you to walk down the street, and anybody that wants to fuck you, say, "Sure! Sure! No problem!" And when they do, you have to say, "Thank you very, very much." And make sure that you have a smile on your face. And then, you stupid fucking coward, you're gonna know what it feels like to be a woman.
[after Tina tells her she wants to start seeing Bette again]
[condescendingly] Oh, I'm sorry. Did you think we were exclusive?
[Dana refuses to believe Howie when he comes out]
I've known since I was 4, Dane.
That's the cycle of life. We start out eating baby food and wearing a diaper and we go out that way.
[laughs] I like a girl with ambition.
[also laughs] Fuck you!
Okay, if you want.
[they kiss]
[entering the bathroom] Baby, are you okay?
[smiles] I think my water just broke. Oh my God.
[calls the hospital] Hi Davina, it's Bette Porter, I am in the bathroom of the Wiltern theater with Tina and a huge puddle of water.
I hope you girls write fabulous, sick, neurotic, tortured love poems to one another.
[smiling] I'm actually working on several right now.
Send me one, would you, Bette?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The L Word pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
