Will quotes from The Inbetweeners

Neil

Have you had that blowjob, yet?

Will

Yes, Neil, I’ve had one on the escalator and one in Nandos.

Neil

Really?

Will

Sorry, is there a sign on the permanently open front door saying 'this way to the free toast bar?'

Jay

(commenting on Will’s house rules) God, it’s like staying at the Ritz!

Will

Famous of course for its 'no chucking drinks or toast' policy.

Jay

Ah, yes, Will’s mum’s vibrator!

Will

That’s a rolling pin.

Jay

It’s still got that lovely smell.

Will

It’s a rolling pin.

Will

(after a squirrel refuses to dodge Jay’s car) You’ve just lost a game of chicken with a rodent!

Neil

Oh, that’s so funny! He’s mugging you off, mate!

Jay

Right, we’ll see about that!

Will

Oh god.

Neil

Oh, why did you do that for?!

Jay

That’ll show him! Fucking little piss taker.

Will

I don’t think he was trying to take the piss, Jay!

Neil

Let’s go get a spade, we’ll bury it.

Jay

Nah, fuck him!

Jay

(Mournfully) His eyes look sad.

Will

(voiceover) So in Neil and Jay’s course of destruction, the death toll stood at ten destroyed daffodils and one piss-taking squirrel.

Will

(after witnessing his garden’s daffodils being destroyed by the other boys) What are you going to do next? Tag up my bedroom?! Piss through my letterbox?!

Neil

Can we?

Will

No! Right! We’re going out again! Come on!

Jay

I knocked out a cow in the countryside once, one punch to the face.

Will

Hmmm, course you did.

Jay

But then its mate saw what was going on and I had to scarper from a whole group of them. Managed to get off the gate, but then they stood up on their hind legs and started firing milk at me from their tits!

Will

Udders.

Jay

Yeah, there were loads of them!

Will

(after discovering Jay has brought some condoms) We’re camping by a lake near a river. What are you hoping to pull, a fish or an owl?

Jay

Look, all those country birds love a bit of big city cock.

Will

You're not from the big city!

Jay

Anywhere with a train station and a Morrison’s counts as a city to them!

Simon

How was the trench?

Will

I had to wipe my arse with leaves. And I think there were some ants in there, so I now literally have ants in my pants. And soil, and some earwigs. (boys laugh)