Let's get this party started. Do you, Billy, take Mandy to be your lawfully wedded wife?
I DO!
And do you, Mandy, take Billy to be... [security guard whispers in his ear] Wait, not a wedding?
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
This whole charade is pointless! Grim should belong to me!
Shut your dirty pie hole! He should belong to me!
BOTH of you shut your dirty pie holes! You will follow the rules of the underworld court, or so help me, I'll make you sit in the chocolate pudding chair! THE STAINS WILL NEVER COME OUT OF YOUR CLOTHES!
BMBilly and Mandy
[both gulp]
JRJudge Roy Splean
Got it?!
Don't worry, Irwin, the monsters won't hurt you... unless they DECIDE to hurt you.
[psst, psst], [Billy sneak at witness bench] Irwin!
Billy, I'm wet and I'm naked. And there's monster everywhere.
Don't worry, they won't hurt you. Unless they decide to hurt you. [Billy left the bench] Irwin, if you would, please read to this court your pre-written words that I, Billy, not MANDY, is the best person to take custody of said Grim.
I'm cold, yo! Can I get some pants please?
READ IT!
I believe... Billy is the best person... in all of the universe to take care of Grim. To keep him fed and clothed... and with or without him there will be nobody to unleash a deep reservoir of love...
Reservoir of love?! Sick.
I wanna go home, please!
Not until you read the part about my warehouse of COMPASSION!
Objection! He's leading the witness.
I'm not leading him. I'm just trying to make him say exactly what I want him to say.
[Jeff is being questioned by Mandy in the court.]
JSJeff the Spider
Hi, everyone.
[gasp]
Could you tell the court your relationship with Billy?
JSJeff the Spider
He's my dad.
JCJury and Court
Ewwwwwww!
Billy only hatched the egg, people. That's all.
JCJury and Court
Ohhhhhhhh...
And how would you rate Billy as a caregiver?
JSJeff the Spider
Pretty good, I guess... except he's never remembered my birthday... or paid child support... in fact, he usually just jabs me with a big stick. OW!
[begins to jab Jeff with a really big stick] I'll jab you good, you filthy bug!
JSJeff the Spider
Why don't you love me, dad?! I'll be anything you want me to be!
I WANT YOU TO BE DEAD!
No further questions.
[Li'l Porkchop is being questioned by Mandy in the court.]
Li'l Porkchop, how long were you Billy's pet?
LLLi'l Porkchop
Eleven minutes.
And what did he do to you, in those eleven minutes?
LLLi'l Porkchop
Horrible, horrible things... I don't want to talk about it! I still wake up, every night, screaming... SCREAMING! [quietly] Screaming...
No further questions.
So, Mandy? You think you can make me look BAD?! Well, guess what, Mr. Missy-miss? I don't need YOU to make ME look bad! I can do that all on my own. And now, you force me to play dirty. [Billy starts playing in mud, laughing] I'm a dirty boy. I'm a dirty, I'm a dirty boy!
Billy, you've just evolved a notch up the idiot ladder.
Such biting comments, Mandy. But now, they'll bite YOU - in the butt! I call to this court, Mandy's mom and dad!
MSMandy's dad
It's not that we don't LOVE Mandy...
MSMandy's mom
We love her very much!
MSMandy's dad
It's just that we're... uhh... kinda scared of her.
MSMandy's mom
I'm usually too afraid to even make eye contact!
MSMandy's dad
When she was born, wolves came to try and raise her as one of their own. Sometimes I wonder if we were wrong to stop them...
Gosh, I love paperwork... especially the part where I get to write my name. F, R, E, D... F, R, E, D... B, U, R... G... E... R! Fred Fredburger! Yes!
[About the judge's gavel.]
I like the hammer-thingie. When you do NOT get one!
[About Wiggy Jiggy Jed's hat] Hey, can I try on that hat? I think it's important. I think it's important that I try on the hat, because...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Judge?
No! Shut up!
...Judge?
SHUT UP!
Judge?
I ORDER YOU TO SHUT UP!
Judge?
WHY WON'T YOU SHUT UP?!?!?! [Silence]
...Judge? [Judge Roy Spleen finally gives in and he gives Fred the hat]
Yes.
CChorus
It's obvious to everyone here,
it's obvious to everyone here,
it's obvious to everyone that...
I have to make poo-poo!
[music stops]
Judge, the nachos made my poo-poo really stinky.
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, Billy is a doofus. Just look at him. If you give Grim to Billy, he'll abuse him, abuse him in all the wrong ways.
It's true.
But, if you give Grim to me, I'll abuse him in all the right ways!
[gulps]
Hey, hey... are you gonna cry?
[crying] Sh-Shut up!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.