Barbara, I picked up your first novel the other day.
B Barbara
Ah, yes. "So Dark the Waves On Biscayne Bay", I've grown so much as a writer since then.
B Barbara
It's alright. Did you have a problem with my book, dear?
Yes, as a matter of fact I did, all those waves! Big waves, little waves, dark waves, rollin' in! Page after page! I had to take a Dramamine to get through chapter three!
B Barbara
Blanche, the waves are a metaphor. You see, a metaphor...
I know what a metaphor is, dear. I'm not a dummy.
Blanche, what's a metaphor?
It's when you use a phrase to mean somethin' else. Like when I say "Men are blinded by my beauty." They are not really blinded. They get their sight back in a day or two!
Now Dorothy, if you're saying you can't get stimulating conversation around this house, I beg to differ.
[enters, reading a tabloid newspaper] I can't believe it. It says here that since Michael Jackson can't buy the Elephant Man, he's now put in a bid for the remains of the Big Bopper.
Rose, you can't believe everything you read in that rag! It caters to people of the lowest intelligence.
Because it's the only newspaper Elvis will talk to from beyond the grave!
Barbara Thorndyke is coming here? Wow, I've never met a real author before.
I have. I once stood in line two hours at a bookstore for Arnold Schwarzenegger's autograph!
You know, when I think of great literary figures of our time, it's usually Faulker, Fitzgerald, and, uh...
DB Dorothy, Blanche
Schwarzenegger.
Yes. But only after he refused to sign my thigh.
He was probably intimidated to see a thigh bigger than his.
Rose, honey, would you pass me the tuffie.
You're more than welcome, Blanche. You can always count on me to hand you the tuffie.
I know, that's why I always ask you.
You know, I think I saw Jack and Janet give Chrissy this treatment on an episode of Three's Company .
Oh, at last a reference from Dorothy that even we illiterates can understand.
I guess her well of knowledge has run dry. That's a metaphor Dorothy.
Look, why don't you just admit that this is all because you don't like Barbara Thorndyke.
Alright, I don't like Barbara Thorndyke. I think she's a phony.
Oh, this from a woman who tells her dates that she was Angie Dickinson's body double in Dressed To Kill .
That's just a little white lie.
Oh yeah? Then why is it on your job resume?!
There's something about her I don't like.
I find her hard to talk to.
Sophia, honey, the key is to make a man think you're not interested in him! Offering to make him dinner just made you look too easy.
Please, black underwear and pasties couldn't make me look easy.
Well, Barbara, Dorothy tells us you're an author.
B Barbara
No, I'm just a writer. Malamud's an author.
I thought Malamuds were chocolate cookies with marshmallows in them.
Those are Malomars, Rose.
[on why the girls made up on their return flight] There was nothing else we could do. It was either that or watch Three Amigos! with a headset.
[suggests a way to get to the TV studio in time] I have a better idea - we can hitchhike. See, I can lift up my skirt, you know, like in that Clark Gable movie, It Happened One Night . Boy, we'll have a ride in no time.
Please! You lift up your skirt, and someone might mistake your thigh for the on ramp to the freeway.
Dorothy, I'm in the ladies room, I look in my brassiere. What do you think I find?
Hopefully, what we all find when we look in our brassiere.
Please, I haven't been able to find those since I nursed your brother Phil.
Rose is my daughter now. And you, Dorothy, are the biggest disappointment to hit the streets since the AMC Pacer!
G Guy
For another 100 points, Complete this famous saying: "Better Late Than..."
[Blanche rings in]
G Guy
That's incorrect, but certainly not untrue.
Nancy, honey. Now I don't generally like to throw my name around but you really leave me no choice. It so happens that I am Miss Angie Dickinson! And now, if you don't mind, I would like two rooms.
N Nancy
You don't look like Angie Dickinson to me.
I know, I have altered my appearance for a very important movie role.
Yeah, it's about a woman who eats her way from behind the Iron Curtain.
G Guy
For another 100 points, Who is the current Secretary of State?
[Willard rings in]
W Willard
I thought that was George Washington Carver.
[scoldingly] Willard, don't ever touch your buzzer again.
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These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Golden Girls pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License .
