The Golden Girls · Season 2
I got my lucky handkerchief, I can't lose!
Where'd you find it?
In my bra.
In your bra? What was your lucky handkerchief doing in there?
I was blowing my breasts, Rose.
[Rose looks puzzled]
I stuffed it in to give me cleavage, to turn on the butcher so I could get a decent piece of veal.
I will not have that filthy beast in my house! It belongs in a barnyard!
This is not a farm chicken. Count Bessie is a showbiz chicken! Wait'll you see this! [exits]
[to Dorothy] A showbiz chicken. What she do, play the piano?
[re-enters with a mini-piano] She plays the piano!
[sees Angela at the door] Aunt Angela!
No, Sophia Loren. I stopped using Oil of Olay.
[on Tony] He's the best catch in town! He's got his own hair, his own teeth, and a totally unrestricted driver's license. Hey, at my age, that's like dating Tom Cruise!
Sophia says she has no appetite since she was stabbed in the back.
Oh my God, who stabbed Sophia?!
The chef at Benihana, Rose.
[to Sophia and Angela] Gosh, you two made such a fantastic meal, I can't imagine what you came up with for dessert.
I made dessert!
Damn.
What'd you say, Blanche?
"Yum," I said "yum."
Rose, is this another one of those Scandinavian Viking concoctions?
Yes! It's called Geneuckenfluegen Cake. It's an ancient recipe, but I Americanized it.
So one might say you brought "Geneuckenfluegen" into the '80s?
Yes, but I'm not one to blow my own greteugenfruegen.
I can't even reach mine!
Everything I have, you try to steal. May the bags under your eyes grow so large your head falls in 'em!
May your shampoo get mixed up with your Preparation H and shrink your head to the size of a mushroom!!
Dorothy, Blanche, and Sophia sit at the table to eat fried chicken
Girls! Girls, Count Bessie is missing. I went out to the garage to feed 'er and her cage was empty. Where could she be?
They all have chicken in their hands and become motionless, with glazed looks on their faces.
Uhh, Aunt Angela? Where did you get this chicken?
The garage.
I guess this means no live entertainment with dessert.
Rose, honey, you've got to stop torturing yourself like this! Now Count Bessie is gone!
I know. It's just such a tragedy. Who cooks a musician at the height of her career?
Rose, you've got to put this in perspective. Count Bessie was a chicken. It's not as if Angela had fried up Doc Severinsen!
[enters the kitchen] How are you doing, Rose?
Not very good, Dorothy.
Oh, honey, now listen, you may not think so now, but in a few days, you'll feel better.
No, I won't. Because Mrs. Butell will be back by then. What am I supposed to say? "Welcome home! How was your trip? Oh, by the way..." [holds up Tupperware and starts to cry] "...here's Count Bessie!"
[the girls are watching Rose's video]
That's Sophia walking into the kitchen.
I didn't know Fess Parker was in this picture.
Ma, what're you doing?
I'm mugging for the camera.
You're mugging me! You're stealing out of my pocket!
I'm checking to make sure you have the exact change for the bus... now I'm stealing.
Oh my god, is that me?!
Oh, that's my fault, Blanche, I was out of focus.
You're always out of focus.
No, I look old, I look ancient, I look all wrinkled up and shriveled like a prune!
It could be worse, she could look like Fess Parker.
Dorothy, this could be my big break! With the exposure I get from Rose's movie, I could hawk my recipes all over the country!
Oh, come on Ma, that's ridiculous.
Ahh no, if you wanna move your product, you gotta have exposure. All the great Italian chefs had it, Mama Celeste, Chef Boyardee, and Chef Valducci.
I don't remember Chef Valducci.
Oh yeah, he didn't have television exposure, that was indecent exposure. He should have stuffed the cannelloni in the traditional manner.
Will you put that thing down. What do you think you're doing?
Well, I'm making a video for my class at the junior college.
Oh, really? Gee it sounds like fun.
Oh, I'm glad you think so, cause I want you to be one of the stars!
Oh, Rose, I don't think so! You know how uncomfortable I am in front of a camera. Besides I always come out looking like Fess Parker.
Don't worry. This is a documentary' it's okay if you're not good looking.
Oh, Blanche, how do you feel about performing in front of a video camera?
I think it's okay as long as you've already had at least three dates.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Golden Girls pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
