The Golden Girls · Season 2, Episode 20
“Whose Face is This, Anyway?” · Season 2, Episode 20
In this episode: Rose Nylund (8), Dorothy Zbornak (6), Sophia Petrillo (6), Blanche Devereaux (3)
[the girls are watching Rose's video]
That's Sophia walking into the kitchen.
I didn't know Fess Parker was in this picture.
Ma, what're you doing?
I'm mugging for the camera.
You're mugging me! You're stealing out of my pocket!
I'm checking to make sure you have the exact change for the bus... now I'm stealing.
Oh my god, is that me?!
Oh, that's my fault, Blanche, I was out of focus.
You're always out of focus.
No, I look old, I look ancient, I look all wrinkled up and shriveled like a prune!
It could be worse, she could look like Fess Parker.
Dorothy, this could be my big break! With the exposure I get from Rose's movie, I could hawk my recipes all over the country!
Oh, come on Ma, that's ridiculous.
Ahh no, if you wanna move your product, you gotta have exposure. All the great Italian chefs had it, Mama Celeste, Chef Boyardee, and Chef Valducci.
I don't remember Chef Valducci.
Oh yeah, he didn't have television exposure, that was indecent exposure. He should have stuffed the cannelloni in the traditional manner.
Will you put that thing down. What do you think you're doing?
Well, I'm making a video for my class at the junior college.
Oh, really? Gee it sounds like fun.
Oh, I'm glad you think so, cause I want you to be one of the stars!
Oh, Rose, I don't think so! You know how uncomfortable I am in front of a camera. Besides I always come out looking like Fess Parker.
Don't worry. This is a documentary' it's okay if you're not good looking.
Oh, Blanche, how do you feel about performing in front of a video camera?
I think it's okay as long as you've already had at least three dates.
I never belonged to a sorority. I was blackballed.
Oh, I think that is so cruel. The Alpha Yams didn't have blackballing. We believed that any girl who wanted to help her community and foster a feeling of sisterhood should be allowed to join.
That's very commendable.
As long as she could castrate a sheep.
There was a service organization in Sicily with similar membership requirements, except that instead of a sheep, it usually involved a mayor from a neighboring town.
Ma...
Hey, some of Italy's finest sopranos were former mayors.
[telling a St. Olaf story about a woman who had plastic surgery] Olga Fetchik was our town beautician, and one of God's most unattractive creations since the aardvark. Anyway, over the years, Olga had been secretly squirreling away money for plastic surgery. Well, one day she left without telling anyone, had the surgery, and didn't return for months. Well, nobody could believe their eyes - Olga Fetchik had turned into a stunning beauty! Every man in town wanted her, but she ended up marrying St. Olaf's most handsome and eligible bachelor, dance instructor Adolf Stepp. The two of them moved back to Norway, decided to get into show business, and they became the internationally renowed Scandinavian dance team of Stepp 'n' Fetchik.
Rose, not that I care, but since you've already gone to so much trouble... just how did having plastic surgery ruin Olga's life?
Oh, it didn't ruin her life, it almost ruined St. Olaf. I mean, after she left, the town didn't have a professional beautician for years. Women started giving each other home perms - pretty soon everybody looked like Art Garfunkel. Husbands stopped sleeping with their wives, the population started to go down. Well, the town would have gone under if Oslo's most famous hairstylist, Vidal Sassbogadotter, hadn't relocated his shop in St. Olaf because of our more favorable tax laws! Now you see why I don't like plastic surgery?
[Dorothy stares at Rose quizzically for a few seconds, then walks over to Sophia, who is listening to a Walkman, and turns the volume on the Walkman all the way up.]
[screaming in pain] OW! WHAT'D YOU DO THAT FOR?
Why should we be the only ones in pain?
[The girls enter Blanche's room in the hospital.]
Blanche, honey, how are you?
[mumbles something incomprehensible because of the bandages covering the mouth]
Oh, you're probably pretty uncomfortable right now, but in a few days you'll be feeling fine, Blanche.
[mumbles again]
Can we get you anything?
[mumbles again, then lifts up the bedclothes...]
Whoa.
I think you've got yourself one hell of a lawsuit there, Blanche!
Was this a last minute decision?
We're very sorry, sir.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Golden Girls pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
