The Golden Girls · Season 1
It's terrible, just terrible! I am so upset.
Rose, Rose, honey, sit down sweetheart, tell us all about it. Ma, would you get Rose some water?
What is she going to do with water? Has water ever made you feel better when you were upset? Have you ever heard anyone say: 'Thank God, the water's here'? Call me when dinner is ready.
Listen, Mom. We cannot afford a new TV. We're using the household money to repair the roof and repave the driveway.
Great. And what I am supposed to do while every other old lady on the block is watching Cosby?
Well, you can sit in the new driveway and hope that an amusing black family drops by.
You still watch television?
Well, I don't exactly watch it. I just pretend it's radio.
[about television] We don't exactly watch it either, with our crummy TV. We get two channels at once. For a while there I thought Benson was having an affair with Miss Ellie.
[sorting through items for their garage sale] Will you look at this? I got this doll on my tenth birthday. Oh, I can't believe I kept her after all these years. Her hair's falling out, her clothes are all worn. [sniffing as Sophia enters the room] And she smells of mothballs.
Hey, I may not be Ann-Margret but I'm still your mother!
[seeing Blanche in her old retro-like outfit] Who invited Gidget to the garage sale?
Girls, I'm feeling a little chilly. I think I'll go and get my sweater.
Oh, no, I'll get that, I'll get that for you.
Oh, Rose, for heaven sakes, I can find my own way. [the girls frantically move all the boxes from her path] I know you're trying to help, but if I could pilot my own plane cross-country during a storm, I can certainly find my way across the room! [reaches the hallway, turns to face the girls] There. Now, do you see that I don't need anybody's help?
[holds up a pink dress] Do you see this dress, Rose? It's my favorite.
It's awfully pretty.
It's my favorite because it's the only one I can clearly remember. I remember what it looks like, and I remember what it looks like on me, and because of that I wear it all the time!
You'll adjust...
I don't want to adjust! I want to be the person that I used to be!
But you have to face the truth, you need help! Now you can deal with it, but you can't do it all by yourself!
[crying] Rose, all my life I've done everything I wanted to do, nothing's ever stood in my way before. For the past six months that's how I've been trying to deal with everything! I thought that I could overcome this thing by myself! I guess that deep down inside I thought I could make it go away. But I can't. Every morning when I wake up it's still there, and that terrifies me! Rose, I do need your help. That's why I came to Miami, to ask you to come home with me! Oh Rose, please come home with me! I can't make it by myself! [Lily and Rose embrace as Lily sobs]
[telling a story about "guilt"] Just about the time that George and I were getting serious, he was shipped off to Korea. Well, I wanted to do my part for the war effort so I took a job in a factory that made canteens. I figured that one of the canteens that I had riveted would find its way to George, and his lips would drink from the galvanized spout I had so lovingly fashioned, thereby symbolically reuniting us.
Blanche, that's a beautiful reason to take that job.
Well, that wasn't the only reason. That factory also had a comprehensive dental plan, and I was in desperate need of a bridge and two crowns.
War is hell.
So were my teeth. Anyway, while I was working on the assembly line, I met a young man named Andrew Beandorf. Oh, it was just a platonic thing, we just went out to the movies and dinner, but when George came home on leave, he was furious. He accused me unjustly of infidelity, while he was off fightin' in some foreign land, some God-forsaken land where people didn't even believe in Jesus, and he forbade me ever to see Andrew again. So of course I didn't.
So you lost a good friend, just because George made you feel guilty about it.
That's right. I lost a good friend, and a wonderful companion, and an excellent lover!
An excellent lover???
[laughing] Did I say excellent lover? I meant excellent riveter.
I can understand how you could confuse the two.
Howdy, ladies. My name's Rusty. I don't recollect seeing you two fillies 'round these parts. Mind if a lonesome cowboy puts his saddlebags 'round your campf...
Give us a break, would you mac!
Oh Sophia, I want to explain about last night. When I was a little girl one summer we had a terrible thunderstorm...
Excuse me Rose, have I given any indication at all that I care?
At that moment, I was convinced I'd blown it. I was sure I'd made a bad first impression. But then I met Rose and I realized I could've shown up naked and playing a ukelele and still gotten the room.
[after she wins the coin toss to decide who gets the room Blanche had promised to both her and Dorothy] Don't worry, Dorothy, I'll make it up to you. If there's ever a night when you can't sleep, I'll come into your room and sing "Kumbaya".
Rose, I don't know what to say. Yes, I do: Don't ever do that.
Was a young woman in a nurse's uniform murdered in this house with a handsaw?
Heavens, no!
Are you sure? I'm getting a strong vibration. I see a woman in a white uniform, writhing and screaming. And there's a man kneeling over her.
Well, if it was last Wednesday, that was me and the gentleman I'm currently dating. But that was a French maid's uniform.
It was at that moment I realized that my bosoms had the power to make music!
Didn't Bette Midler win a special Grammy for that?
[about the movie Psycho] It's the reason I prefer not to shower alone.
Sure, Blanche, and Goldilocks and the Three Bears is why you prefer not to sleep alone.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Golden Girls pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
