At that moment, I was convinced I'd blown it. I was sure I'd made a bad first impression. But then I met Rose and I realized I could've shown up naked and playing a ukelele and still gotten the room.
“The Way We Met” · Season 1, Episode 25
In this episode: Blanche Devereaux (9), Dorothy Zbornak (7), Rose Nylund (5)
[after she wins the coin toss to decide who gets the room Blanche had promised to both her and Dorothy] Don't worry, Dorothy, I'll make it up to you. If there's ever a night when you can't sleep, I'll come into your room and sing "Kumbaya".
Rose, I don't know what to say. Yes, I do: Don't ever do that.
MZMadame Zelda
Was a young woman in a nurse's uniform murdered in this house with a handsaw?
Heavens, no!
MZMadame Zelda
Are you sure? I'm getting a strong vibration. I see a woman in a white uniform, writhing and screaming. And there's a man kneeling over her.
Well, if it was last Wednesday, that was me and the gentleman I'm currently dating. But that was a French maid's uniform.
It was at that moment I realized that my bosoms had the power to make music!
Didn't Bette Midler win a special Grammy for that?
[about the movie Psycho] It's the reason I prefer not to shower alone.
Sure, Blanche, and Goldilocks and the Three Bears is why you prefer not to sleep alone.
Excuse me, you made a mistake. Those peaches aren't 59 cents a pound, they're 89 cents. Honesty is the best policy.
What are you trying to do, qualify for some scout badge?
Well, I can't help it if I'm an honest person. Obviously something you don't know anything about.
What are you talking about?
Well, you bought pantyhose in petite. Anybody could see, you couldn't get those past your knees!
If you don't keep your voice down, I'm going to hit you in the head with this loin of pork.
[looks at loin of pork] Oh, Blanche, c'mon, 15 dollars and 99 cents?! Now this is too extravagant! I'm not going in on this, besides, I don't even like loin of pork.
Well fine, I'm not going in on this night stick.
This is a pepperoni.
It's obnoxious.
Oh, excuse me, you made a mistake, that Windex isn't on sale this week. The regular price is $1.99.
Rose, why don't you just save it for the The Price is Right?!
Excuse me for trying to be a good American.
Would you two please keep your voices down?! I have shopped and dated extensively throughout this market!
That does it, that does it, I am shopping for myself.
Fine, Blanche and I will do very nicely on our own.
Oh no, I'm not shopping with you, Mary Poppins.
Fine!
All right, who put the Raisin Bran in the refrigerator?
I did, do you have a problem with that?
Yes I do, I have two problems with it. First, there isn't room enough for it and second, it does not go in the refrigerator, it goes in the cabinet.
It does not go in the cabinet. It stays fresher in the refrigerator.
No, it does not stay fresher in the refrigerator; if it stayed fresher in the refrigerator there would be a sign on it saying "refrigerate."
Actually, you're both wrong. It does not go in the cabinet and doesn't stay fresher in the refrigerator, it belongs in a glass canister. Not only is it visually appealing but you could see if they cheated you out of raisins. I thought everybody knew that.
You know, until I met you, Rose, I didn't know that people actually talked back to their Rice Krispies.
SWStore Worker
Those are very nice cantaloupes.
[thinking he meant her breasts] Why thank you.
I also happen to have a room for rent, and the name is Blanche Devereaux.
Why would you name a room Blanche Devereaux?
MZMadame Zelda
Mrs. Devereaux, you must leave this house at once. It is possessed by an evil spirit.
Actually, it's possessed by Miami Federal. And at 7%, you couldn't blast me out of here.
Oh girls, let's face facts. The three of us just can't agree on anything. I mean, it is obvious we were not meant to live together.
I hate to agree with you, but I think you're right.
I think so too. In fact, I know so. This is exactly what happened during the Great Herring War.
The Great Herring War?
Yes. Between the Lindstroms and the Johanssons.
Oh, that Great Herring War.
The two families controlled the most fertile herring waters off the coast of Norway, so naturally, it seemed like it would be in their best interest to band together. Oh, boy, was that a mistake. You see, they couldn't agree on what to do with the herring.
Well, that's understandable. I mean, the possibilities are overwhelming.
Exactly. The Johanssons wanted to pickle the herring and the Lindstroms wanted to train them for the circus.
Weren't they kind of hard to see, riding on the elephants?
Oh, not that kind of circus. A herring circus. Sort of like SeaWorld, only smaller. Much, much smaller. But bigger than a flea circus.
[struggling to control her laughter along with Blanche] Uh, tell me, Rose, did they ever shoot a herring out of a cannon?
[after a long pause] Only once. [Blanche and Dorothy start laughing uncontrollably] But they shot him into a tree. After that, no other herring would do it.
You're making this up!
I am not. My grandfather told me that story. Of course, he also used to call me by my sister's name. And sometimes, he'd wear his underwear on the outside of his pants. I guess he wasn't a very reliable source.
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