I cannot believe my mother is hanging out with that cheap hood!
You mean Rocco?
No, Rose, I mean Spiro Agnew. He gave her a highway contract instead of an ID bracelet.
S3 E20Larceny and Old Lace
Gee, what's my diary doing here? [picks it up from the table] Next to a pair of pliers?
Rose, whatever it is you're thinking, it isn't true.
Good, then George Bush isn't married to his mother.
The most romantic thing was when Stan proposed. I went to the powder room and when I got back there was two long stem glasses filled with Dom Perignon. We clinked the glasses and Stan gave me a coy smile and I winked at him and I just down the champagne in one gulp....and it didn't go down smoothly. Later he told me that he put my engagement ring at the bottom of the glass. It turned up three days later.
Where'd it turn up, Dorothy?
On the Home Shopping Network, Rose.
[on Rocco] This is the last time I let a man toy with my emotions. From now on, it's strictly physical!
[after the girls have finished telling stories about the most romantic thing a man ever did for them] Well, it just goes to show: your hair may turn gray, your skin may wrinkle, but you're never too old for romance. [pauses] So don't give up, girls! [leaves kitchen as Dorothy and Rose glare]
S3 E21Rose's Big Adventure
EErnie
[about the guestroom] Mrs. Devereaux, please. Do you want it fast or do you want it good?
Before you answer that Blanche, the man's talking about a guestroom.
Ernie, listen to me and listen good. If you walk out that door right now, you can forget about ever coming back. I sound like I'm on Ryan's Hope.
[translating for Vincenzo] Before we begin, [Vincenzo speaks between each line] let's make one thing clear. I am in charge. I am the boss. I am the master. I Am the Walrus.
Ma, either your Italian is rusty or he's the world's oldest hippie.
[sees Vincenzo's elderly crew working on the guestroom] Looks like the road company of Cocoon.
[seeing Vincenzo's elderly working crew] Who are all these old men?
The Osmond Brothers, Rose. The years without Donny have not been kind to them.
[onboard cruiseship] Ahoy girls. Quick, grab some champagne.
Ooh, I just love champagne!
Oh so do I. The only problem is after a few glasses I'll kiss any man in sight.
[commotion in background] MAN OVERBOARD!
Rose! It is 2 AM! What are you still doing up?
Well I couldn't sleep so I thought I'd get up and make a batch of Sparhuven Krispies. It's an ancient Scandinavian midnight snack.
I guess after a night of pillaging and raping, a Viking wants a little something to go with his cocoa.
Well they smell God awful!
Yeah just when you're about ready to throw up from the stench, that's when they're done. Who wants some?
[commenting on the smell of Rose's snacks] Rose, if these had been offered to the Donner Party, they still would've eaten each other!
Don't be silly Dorothy. They're delicious. You just have to know how to eat them. You hold your nose with one hand [holding nose] and you pop a krispie in your mouth with the other. Mmm! That tastes like cheesecake, fresh strawberries, and chocolate ice cream.
[tries one] My gosh, you're right. That is the best thing I have ever tasted!
[eating a krispie] This is delicious!
Sophia enters kitchen Hey, give me a break. You can't smell that from the hall!
Sophia [Vincenzo gives Sophia instructions on who does what]
Dorothy, you'll hold the window in place.
Rose will do the hammering.
Blanche you'll do the screwing...and he came up with that one on his own, I swear.
S3 E22Mixed Blessing
You know Dorothy, I just thought of something. Lorraine's family's gonna be black too, aren't they?
Yes Rose. You know, you could probably make them feel welcome if you do your version of that dance that the Huxtable's do at the beginning of The Cosby Show.
Can I ask a dumb question?
Better than anyone I know...
What color is black people's dandruff?
Rose, black people don't have dandruff. God figures they've been through enough already.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Golden Girls pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.