Edward Horniman quotes from The Gentlemen

Help you? I can hook you up with the Russkies, but a word to the wise... They are fucking hardcore. Make a joke they don’t understand, they’ll throw you out the window.

The question is, do they have the relevant backing?

Oh God. A few hundred’s nothing to these fucking Russians. They are Kremlined-up to the hilt.

And what happened between us...

Best thing that ever happened to me. You see, until you’ve had the living shit beaten out of you, you don’t know anything. But when you realize the only thing that matters is power, the whole world opens up. ‘Cause it’s literally there for the taking. Love the bird, by the way. [chuckles] It’s fucking hysterical. [Eddie places down pigeon carrier]

I guess that officially brings our business dealings to an end.

Hmm. Still got a few more birds left.

Might as well let ’em go. They’ll find their way home.

Poor pigeons, eh?

Good luck.

Good luck.

[walking away] It’s been emotional, Captain.

Give me the bird.

Just one pigeon, okay? Just one measly fucking pigeon, Eddie. Listen, I know what you’re gonna say. You’re gonna say you’ve got some heavy fucking hitters lined up out there. But I’ve raised some epic funds in my time.

Debts don’t count. Okay. No need to be snarky.

The point I’m trying to make is this. I have been watching you these past couple of months. Observing the way you operate and just soaking it all in, all this crime stuff–

Listen to me. All right? We’re done. No more games. No more debts. It’s over.

Oh, I get what this is. I see. You’re jealous. You want me out the way.

I think it was you who wanted me out of the way, Freddy.

Okay. Well... touché. I probably deserved that. But–

I’m taking the pigeon, Freddy.

[snatches away pigeon carrier] I’m not giving you Mitch, Ed.

You weren’t meant for this, Freddy. Neither of us were.

[chuckles] Remember that first time Dad took us deer stalking? Remember that?

[sighs] Uh, no. No, not really.

We all stalked the deer together, and then Dad let me take the shot. And I got it. I fucking got it. And he was so fucking proud. And then when we got closer... and it was still breathing... I couldn’t do it.

Well, you were just a kid, Freddy.

You were younger than me. Dad handed you the knife, and you slit that thing’s throat like it was fucking nothing.

Yeah.

[sighs and walks to Eddie] The point I’m trying to make is this, Edward. Maybe you’re right. Maybe I’m not... cut out for this. But you... You were fucking born for it. [hands Eddie pigeon carrier] Look after Mitch for me. [walks away]

Mm. Right. These birds aren't gonna kill themselves.

[to Eddie bird shooting] You might want to miss one or two. You're making the Italian look bad.

Do we have a problem with that, Geoffrey?

I don't, but I think his ego does.

Oh. Well, we might have to lie on the count, Geoff.

He’s edgy, Susan. It’s concerning me. So, what is the issue with Cico?

Yet to be determined. I’m sure it’s nothing positive. I know you’re not his number one fan, Eddie, but he has helped us get a foothold in Italy, a territory beset by monsters around every corner. His efforts shouldn’t be underestimated.

Fixers are supposed to fix problems, not create them.

I say we give him the benefit of the doubt for the time being. Meanwhile, you can focus your efforts on snagging yourself a peerage, as per my father’s request.

You leave Lord Hawthorne to me. [helicopter approaches]

Hope we haven’t got too many plates spinning today.

No. Shoots are never about the killing, Susan. They’re about the deal-making. It’s an alibi to fuse a collection of disparate rogues. Contrary to logic, the more spinning plates, the better. People will fly 5,000 miles for a shoot in the English countryside, and for some strange reason, are more open to business when they’ve got a gun in their hand.

Hm.

[Aisha approaches] Tell me more about your friend.

You’ll like Aisha. Clever girl. Aspirational. Looks after herself and everyone who comes within her orbit. She moved to the Middle East five years ago to work in hospitality. Now she’s snagged herself a seat at the royal table.

The Middle East is the future, Susie. They build a new world out there every two weeks.

Amir, we must get you a gun.

[in gun armory] Why are there so many? A... And why only two barrels?

Give the birds a sporting chance, sir.

Which one is the best?

The best? Or the most impressive?

Both.

You have your Germans, your Brits, and your American guns. But if you’re looking for prestige and heritage, I’m feeling Italian Beretta for you, sir. They hunt in pairs. They’ve been at it for 500 years. Oldest gunmakers in the world. You see that engraving? That took a little Italian man two years to etch that pretty picture.

It’s magnificent.

No good in a Chicago gunfight, [holds up rifle] but absolutely wonderful in the green fields of England.

[holds up rifle] I feel an erection coming on.

That’s the appropriate response, sir.

[chuckles] Look at that. Fits like a glove. James Bond’s weapon of choice.

[to Eddie] Things have been good between us, yeah? This time last year, we had nothing. But since we started that little farm under the Contessa's palazzo estate, my God! You guys nailed it. Six more farms in less than a year.

You said there was a problem. Why don't you enlighten us?

Yeah. There is a real problem. The problem is, uh, Marco Moretti.

Sorry, what? Marco Moretti? What the fսck is Moretti doing in this conversation?

We need to talk to him.

The reason we talk to you is so we don't have to talk to El Capo Dei Capi.

I know, but then he started sniffing around. He found out we are growing mɑrіjսɑnɑ under the Contessa's palazzo. Marco is her godfather. He was always going to find out. And now he wants a piece of it. Otherwise, he's gonna rip it out of the ground.

Hold on, hold on. We're spiraling here, Cico. You pushed us out of an aeroplane without a parachute. You told us you could keep Marco out of this. Where's our Mr. Consistent? Where's our Mr. Reliable?

It's Italy. Everything is a surprise, all right? This is why you have me. Okay? So I can stop the crisis.

How much to stop the crisis?

Like, forty a year?

Forty what? Forty lira? Forty winks? Forty lashes? Forty nights in the desert? Forty fսcking what, Cico?

Forty million euros, obviously.

Okay, that's it. We're off. [turns to walk]

Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait. Okay. Fine. Obviously, you know, 40 is unacceptable.

Mm.

But this is why you pay me. I have a... a solution.

Well, it's a pretty big fսcking problem, Francesco, so it better be a big fսcking solution.

Well, um, how familiar are you with the works of Botticelli? A small picture of his is coming up for sale at an auction house in London. Marco is obsessed with his work.

[discussing without Cico] It's a punchy ask.

Six million's not much if it has the desired effect. Marco Moretti runs a serious organization. Extortion, kidnap, torture, they're into all of it. And they've got heavyweight backing from church and state.

Look, I'm not questioning the power of Marco Moretti. I understand the nuance and sophistication of buying a painting by his favorite Renaissance artist. My question is whether or not Cico is the most effective method to access him.

I know you don't like him. I like him even less than you do. But we've got to keep him on side. At least in the short term. Anyway, you don't have to like everyone you work with. I know who you do like.

What does that mean?

It can mean whatever you want it to mean. [walks away]

Straighten things out with the Italian?

Man's a disaster, Susie. And I smell a rat with the Botticelli.

Hm. We've only got his word that that missile will reach its destination. I know you don't wanna buy the Botticelli. Either way, we need to speak to my father.

Hm. Get anywhere with Lord Hawthorne?

[inhales sharply] Well, we have a number. Do I owe you a Happy Meal?

But there's a small caveat.

Caveat?

Hm. He's taken an interest in Jack.

Right, what sort of interest?

An anthropological one. What does that mean? Well, he wants to, uh, take him for dinner, maybe to the opera, and then, uh, you know, wank him off a bit.

Hm. That shouldn't be a problem. I'll leave it to you to tell my father that his son needs to bring a peer of the realm to оrgasm.

You leave it with me.

Bobby Glass

[in a sauna] You ever heard of the myth of the Bannik?

Yeah. The shapeshifting spirit that supposedly frequented the steam rooms of Northern Europe.

Bobby Glass

The story goes that your Bannik, well, he's a... he's a mischievous kind of spirit. Sometimes he appears as a naked little man stroking his beard, smoking a pipe. But you be careful that you don't invite in other kinds of spirits. If you're asking his advice, you gotta make sure you pay him his due. Otherwise, uh, he can get up to all sorts of mischief. [Bannik appears invisible to Eddie] Fortunately, there are other rituals that you can use that appease the Bannik. Now, these rituals range from smothering a black-feathered chicken and burying his unplucked corpse under your steam house, or you can just offer him a fir branch when you've finished your steam and say thank you. But you gotta be sure you pay him. Now, your Bannik, he does have his uses.

And what would those be, Father?

Bobby Glass

Well, he can see into the future. I'll show you how to do it.

Oh.

Bobby Glass

[gets up] Now, you stand with your back to the furnace, which you leave half open. Now, you ask the Bannik a question, any question you want, but the Bannik, he won't answer you directly, you see. He can't talk. He can only touch. Now, if it's a good omen, you'll feel his little hand pat you on the back. But if it's a bad one, well, he'll scratch you with his sharp little claws.

And what question did you ask him, then?

Bobby Glass

I asked him about the emergence of the Mafia boss, Marco Moretti, and this business about the picture.

Right. And what exactly did this Bannik say, then, Bobby?

Bobby Glass

Do I buy the Botticelli for Marco Moretti? [Bannik's hands appear on Bobby's shoulders] The Bannik gave my back a lovely little fսcking rub.

Hm.

Bobby Glass

[points] You ought to buy him that picture.

Well, my concern is, despite our early success that we've enjoyed in Italy, Cico, he remains sloppy and unreliable.

Bobby Glass

But, if he smooths out the business with Moretti, then he's getting the job done. Buy him the fսcking picture! The Bannik has spoken, okay?ǃ

Loud and clear.

He's getting worse, Susan.

No. He's just winding you up. Bit of fun.

He's making decisions based on the advice of a mythical creature.

Like I said, fun.

[To Eddie] This cathedral has stood here for nearly a thousand years, almost as long as your family has possessed its title. It's generally accepted that man has not evolved architecturally since the construction of these medieval cathedrals. Our ambitions have become short-sighted. Man's desire to unify with God has fallen on fallow ground. God didn't deliver, or man didn't deliver. The experiment has failed.

Who said the experiment is over, Mr. Johnston? Never show a fool your work until it's complete.

Do you know why the monarch holds the orb and scepter during the coronation ceremony? Well, for the same reason that there is a spire on this cathedral and a nave underneath it. The spire and the scepter represent the masculine, the orb, the feminine. Giving and taking. Sun and moon. Positive and negative. Phallus and womb. Bat and ball. Bottle and glass. A pattern hidden in plain sight, but only observed by a few. The classical architects constructed all positions of power with a domed roof and an obelisk, column or spire. The crown represents the conscious reconciliation of these two opposing forces. The mistake people make is thinking the king is a man, not a symbol. He is the personification of the individual's quest to become whole. This has always been the hidden agenda of the monarch. The unification of these two disparate forces to wield a greater power. Where are we going with this, Mr. Johnston? And why are we in this cathedral? What do you know about this sheepskin parchment we have over here? Well, it's the Magna Carta, arguably one of the most significant constitutional documents of all time. Just as the king is the spiritual scepter, this document is the material orb. Your ancestor was one of 25 barons that forced the king to sign this document. I'm aware of that. Your DNA is baked into the keystone of Western civilization. A legitimate king could find the balance that was lost. To quote you, Your Grace, "Never show a fool your work until it's completed." What this country needs is a king that deserves such a crown. Your ancestor was the poison. You are the remedy. What's the difference between bad shit and good manure? The answer is you, Your Grace. You have the unique ability to alchemize that which is poisonous into that which is divine. The ability to choose between judgment and mercy. A harmless man is not a complete man. A complete man is a dangerous man who has judgment under voluntary control. They cannot mistake your kindness for weakness. The question is... will you accept the challenge?

Bobby Glass

[in sauna] So, what do people do at Lord Hawthorne's parties?

It's all very modern, Dad. Not your thing.

Bobby Glass

Right. What did he want? Your cock?

Jack Glass

Yeah.

Bobby Glass

[exhales] Did you give him some?

Jack Glass

If I thought I could get away with just a bit of cock, I would have obliged. But it's my arsehole I was worried about.

Bobby Glass

Nice to see you still got your principles.

He's saying the terms of the deals weren't met.

Bobby Glass

Well, they met. He went out.

No, he's saying he didn't commit. Did you commit to going out?

Jack Glass

I committed to going out, but not going in.

Bobby Glass

I rest my case. The upshot is Lord Hawthorne's asked to increase the financials as recompense. And given the time constraints... we think we should give him what he wants. What time constraints?

Bobby, the vote to decide who becomes the new hereditary peer is at the end of the week. With Hawthorne's help, we get me into the House of Lords, where I control which way the bill to decriminalize mɑrіjսɑnɑ goes.

Bobby Glass

How much?

150.

Bobby Glass

That's a 5x increase. Now, we... we've got to remember our principles here. Jack did what Jack was supposed to do. Jack stuck to his obligations.

Look, 150 is nothing in context. We could have paid him 2 million. Let's not let principles get in the way.

Bobby Glass

[gets up]Sorry? You... You wanna say that again?

I think you heard what I said, Bobby.

Bobby Glass

Yeah, I did. And the statement disturbs me. You see, we don't fսck around with our principles. These people, they don't know who they're dealing with. So we pay them the agreed sum. [slams bench] Now, you put a fսcking gun down on the table in front of them and watch their arsehole fall out. You need a hand with that, you give me a shout. [Bannik places handgun on table] I ain't paying that posh cսոt another fսcking shekel.

What if we paid Lord Hawthorne out of the problem fund?

Dad wouldn't be happy if he found out.

If he finds out. He doesn't need to know till we decide to tell him. He'll thank us for our initiative.

You know as well as I do, if we went around his back, he wouldn't look upon it kindly.

If he finds out, Sue.

You're in a particularly mischievous mood today, Edward.

Well, just trying to find a solution to the problem.

Why don't we talk to him together? [gets DM from Geoff saying "problem with the lawyer"] Unless you're otherwise engaged.

No, it's just Geoff. Don't mind me.

How's he handling his new remit? Must be hard, wearing two hats.

Let's just say he's, uh, extremely capable. Look, uh, it might be worth you flying solo on this one. If we're gonna force Lord Hawthorne's hand, he might respond better to a feminine touch. An iron fist with a Brioni glove.

With the added benefit of allowing you time to resolve your cryptic issue with your capable gamekeeper.

Certainly. Bye.

[Jack pulls up in high performance vehicle] Right, Jack, if you're driving, remember it's a car, not a rocket.

Jack Glass

You're in safe hands, sister dear. [Susie gets i] Buckle up. [takes off]

[meets Eddie at residence] Sorry to trouble you, Your Grace. We spoke to the lawyer as per your instructions.

You got the address of the accountant?

Over an hour ago. But it seems our, uh, Japanese friend is pretty keen in there.

Be more specific, Geoffrey.

We got what we came for, but he's still torturing the poor soul.

[opens door to Takashi throttling lawyer and holds up card] We have the address of the accountant. I'll take you to him. Let's go.

[speaks Japanese into phone, which audibly translates] One has yet to conclude one's work.

No, we've finished. Let's go.

[speaks Japanese into phone, which audibly translates] One has yet to conclude one's work.

[gestures] Work over. This is NOT the job. Work... over. Good. [Takashi shoots lawyer in the head] Fսck. [walks out] That's a problem, Geoffrey.

[on phone] Eddie, how are things progressing with our mutual acquaintance?

Ah, his methods are, uh, a touch extreme, to put it mildly.

Yes, but you have the address?

Yeah, we have the address. The accountant is renting a house in Castle Combe.

[chuckles] Let me make something very clear. Our target is a monster. It's imperative this accountant disappears.

The agreement was for one body. We're already one body down.

Yes, but if our Japanese friend's methods appear a little extreme, there is a good reason for that. Okay? So tell me, is it a problem or not? Yes or no?

There's no problem.