A character in The Cosby Show
Played by Bill Cosby
The Cosby Show · 376 quotes
Most-quoted character in The Cosby Show: in 245 of its 376 quotes
Most scenes with: Clair Huxtable (99), Theo Huxtable (48), Rudy Huxtable (33)
That's a wonderful thing you're doing for your wife!
CliffThank you.
How long you been married?
Cliff21 years.
How many kids?
CliffFour at home and one in college.
Five children and 21 years. What are you celebrating?
CliffSurvival.
[Claire and Cliff have just gotten into bed, and the phone rings; Cliff answers]
CliffHello? ... This better be necessary. [hands the phone to Claire] It's for you.
Hello.
[on the other end] Good night mom! And don't bring home another baby!
That's a wonderful thing you're doing for your wife!
CliffThank you.
How long you been married?
Cliff21 years.
How many kids?
CliffFour at home and one in college.
Five children and 21 years. What are you celebrating?
CliffSurvival.
[Claire and Cliff have just gotten into bed, and the phone rings; Cliff answers]
CliffHello? ... This better be necessary. [hands the phone to Claire] It's for you.
Hello.
[on the other end] Good night mom! And don't bring home another baby!
Make sure she stays in the bed, give her lots of liquids, and aspirin every four hours.
CliffI don't believe you! You're the only woman who went to law school and got a degree in medicine!
[yelling from upstairs] Daddy!! Did Mommy leave?
CliffYes. What do you want?
Mommy!
Make sure she stays in the bed, give her lots of liquids, and aspirin every four hours.
CliffI don't believe you! You're the only woman who went to law school and got a degree in medicine!
[yelling from upstairs] Daddy!! Did Mommy leave?
CliffYes. What do you want?
Mommy!
[Cliff walks downstairs wearing a bunch of outrageous things he's gotten in the past for Father's Day]
Dad you look funny!
CliffWell thank you!
You're welcome!
[Cliff is opening Rudy's gift to him]
CliffDa-dadada-dan dan dan DAAA!
[Cliff opens the gift to reveal a tube of Tennis Balls]
CliffTennis balls!
I hope they're the right size.
CliffI'm sure they're the right size! Let me see. [opens up the canister]
I looked in your closet, and there was only one left.
CliffAnd you know what, they are the right size!
[Cliff walks downstairs wearing a bunch of outrageous things he's gotten in the past for Father's Day]
Dad you look funny!
CliffWell thank you!
You're welcome!
[Cliff is opening Rudy's gift to him]
CliffDa-dadada-dan dan dan DAAA!
[Cliff opens the gift to reveal a tube of Tennis Balls]
CliffTennis balls!
I hope they're the right size.
CliffI'm sure they're the right size! Let me see. [opens up the canister]
I looked in your closet, and there was only one left.
CliffAnd you know what, they are the right size!
CliffLook my folks are not coming over to eat, they are coming over here to spoil the children.
Well what do you expect? They're grandparents.
CliffRight, grandparents, all right. These are not the same people I grew up with, these are the biggest hypocrites you've ever seen.
...
Your mother's one of the sweetest people I've ever met.
CliffI didn't say she wasn't sweet. But this woman comes over here to the house, kisses every child. 'Just come here and kiss your grandmother. Oh you're just the most beautiful children on the face of this earth!' But when I was her child, I'm telling you, this woman, all she ever wanted to do was take a stick and ask God to give her enough strength so she could knock us somewhere! And to this day, I still don't know where Kingdom-come is. And all she is, as far as I'm concerned, is an old person trying to get into Heaven now.
[revealing his earring to Cliff] It's an earring, dad. There's a hole in my ear, and Denise says it might be infected.
[Cliff comes over, to examine the ear, touches the ear, and Theo flinches]
CliffWell, she's right. It is infected. Come on.
What are you gonna do to me?
CliffI am going to fix your ear.
Then what?
CliffYou expecting some sort of punishment?
Shouldn't I?
CliffYeah.
CliffLook my folks are not coming over to eat, they are coming over here to spoil the children.
Well what do you expect? They're grandparents.
CliffRight, grandparents, all right. These are not the same people I grew up with, these are the biggest hypocrites you've ever seen.
...
Your mother's one of the sweetest people I've ever met.
CliffI didn't say she wasn't sweet. But this woman comes over here to the house, kisses every child. 'Just come here and kiss your grandmother. Oh you're just the most beautiful children on the face of this earth!' But when I was her child, I'm telling you, this woman, all she ever wanted to do was take a stick and ask God to give her enough strength so she could knock us somewhere! And to this day, I still don't know where Kingdom-come is. And all she is, as far as I'm concerned, is an old person trying to get into Heaven now.
Clair HuxtablePhylicia Rashad · 144 quotes
Theo HuxtableMalcolm-Jamal Warner · 77 quotes
Rudy HuxtableKeshia Knight Pulliam · 59 quotes
Vanessa HuxtableTempestt Bledsoe · 44 quotes
Denise HuxtableLisa Bonet · 35 quotes
Sondra HuxtableSabrina Le Beauf · 19 quotes
Elvin TibideauxGeoffrey Owens · 13 quotes
Olivia KendallRaven-Symoné · 10 quotes
Pam TuckerErika Alexander · 9 quotes
Russell HuxtableEarle Hyman · 7 quotes
CockroachCarl Anthony Payne II · 5 quotes
Martin KendallJoseph C. Phillips · 5 quotes
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