TV show quotes
The constellation of Sagittarius. In particular, the Milky Way. Hundreds of thousands of stars crammed together at the center of the galaxy, shining brightest in north America during the months of July and August. In fact, during a recent gathering --
Thank you, Dr. Sagan! Can you please just scroll through the photos?
[dressed in a tuxedo] How do I look? Seriously.
Fine. Nice. Where are you going, anyway?
This event slash dinner thing with a bunch of city council members. Blah. You don't know how lucky you are that you don't have to do this stuff. What about Taylor?
What about him?
You know, for Major Crimes. Well, think about it. He's been very supportive.
[sarcastically] So send him a basket of muffins!
Before you get angry, last night Lieutenants Flynn and Provenza --
Yep, already angry. What have they done this time?
While escorting a fugitive back from Dallas they struck up a date with a couple of stewardesses.
What is this, the 70s?
Lieutenant, has it even occurred to you that these women just asked ya'll out because they were using you?
That's crazy!
I won't even dignify that with a response!
Frankly, I'm not even sure I would call this a murder. Seems to me more like, uh...accidental death in the middle of someone else's hissy fit.
So the baseball bat didn't kill him?
No, though it probably really annoyed him as he was dying from a broken neck.
Just to be clear, we're calling this a major crime because...?
Look, whenever a member of my division stumbles on a body, it is automatically a major crime.
Where's the line for you doctor? You start by cutting up people you *think* committed rape, but who's next? Drug dealers? Thieves? People who cross against the light?
Listen to me. There are two really bad boys out there that I didn't get to. Why don't you give me a year? See what happens. I can make this place safer than you can.
Who gave you the right to play God?
Position was vacant, so I took it.
Look, Will, for your own sake, just take a deep breath, okay? I-I know you're feeling some extra pressure because of this whole chief business...
So now, on top of everything else, you're accusing me of overreacting?! You want to know what I think? I think your own reaction to this case has been slow, unimpressive, and potentially dangerous to the rest of the parole-board members in the state.
Okay! That's it! You don't like the way I'm handling this case, that's just fine. You should just take it over yourself.
You know what? That's exactly what I'm gonna do.
I hate to say this, Will, but this whole Chief selection process, it has not brought out the best in you. And if this is how you intend to run the Department, I'm not even sure it's a job you should have.
Well, do you think you could do better?
I'd be really disappointed if I couldn't.
(answers phone): Deputy Chief Johnson.
Where are you?
(to Provenza): Is that Chief Johnson?
My proctologist. You need something?
No. No, I just... You're asking where your proctologist is?
Yes. I hate it when he surprises me.
Lieutenants Flynn and Provenza, here, now.
Chief, now I know you're a little upset, but --
There are no buts, lieutenant! I am suspending you both for the next seventy-two hours.
On what grounds?
On the grounds that you procured outside employment without authorization, used LAPD equipment to conduct a warrantless search, enlisted a civilian in your illicit activities. Need I go on?
No, that's a pretty complete list.
And since Major Crimes has agreed to leave the pursuit of Mr. Hirschbaum to the FBI, I would be appalled if you, as private citizens, tried to serve him again by tracking a number that might point to his current whereabouts. [hands Provenza a piece of paper with a number on it] Tell Buzz that he and his "catfish" device are suspended as well.
I say we just cut our losses and get out of here.
We can't afford to cut our losses! We are in the middle of a very deep hole, which is now filling with water. We need the money to break even!
[trying to get Buzz to go along with their illicit actions] And we'll give you a third of our take! Two hundred dollars!
[later]
So, even if Buzz's insurance covers part of the repairs, if his deductible is a thousand dollars, we're still three thousand in the hole.
What?!
[later: Buzz has just won ten thousand dollars of reward money for finding Hirschbaum]
You know what this means!
Yeah. I'm rich.
No! You're going to split this three ways!
Sure! You can each have a third. Two hundred dollars.
[news broadcast] "Daddy Say Yes" has broken into the top ten in downloads following her father's tragic accident. A bit of comfort for the folks gathering here in the Fort Wayne theater community.
Ugh. It's only a bit of comfort if you believe Bob Michaels found a fresh pizza on a mountain trail one hour before he was pepper sprayed and shoved off the side of a cliff by the Invisible Man. It's so frustrating that you couldn't find any footprints.
Yeah, too many feet on the trail to tell who's who. Obviously somebody neatened up near the edge of the cliff. It's not my fault.
Ooh! That song again! It makes me want to jump off a cliff.
You've got to admit, it's kind of catchy.
So's the flu.
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