Buzz quotes from The Closer

Brenda

So why don't you just ask me about it? I know what you're thinking.

Fritz

Ok, I did read the article about your ethics investigation.

Brenda

And you were wondering what all the hoopla was about.

Fritz

Well, it's none of my business, really, but, uh, yeah.

Provenza

[Eavesdropping with Buzz over Brenda's wire] Ok. Here we go. Spill your guts.

Brenda

It was my crazy ex-husband...

Buzz

Lieutenant, this is making me really uncomfortable.

Provenza

Buzz, don't make me pull out my gun.

Brenda

So why don't you just ask me about it? I know what you're thinking.

Fritz

Ok, I did read the article about your ethics investigation.

Brenda

And you were wondering what all the hoopla was about.

Fritz

Well, it's none of my business, really, but, uh, yeah.

Provenza

[Eavesdropping with Buzz over Brenda's wire] Ok. Here we go. Spill your guts.

Brenda

It was my crazy ex-husband...

Buzz

Lieutenant, this is making me really uncomfortable.

Provenza

Buzz, don't make me pull out my gun.

Provenza

After Taylor got him to confess, I went out...

Buzz

I?!

Provenza

Alright, WE, went out to find security tapes.

Provenza

After Taylor got him to confess, I went out...

Buzz

I?!

Provenza

Alright, WE, went out to find security tapes.

Brenda

Did he just say avocado?

Buzz

No. Abogado.

Brenda

What does that mean?

Buzz

Attorney.

Brenda

Did he just say avocado?

Buzz

No. Abogado.

Brenda

What does that mean?

Buzz

Attorney.

Buzz

[Cleaning up his workstation, handing the snack wrappers to Sanchez] Guys, this is a surveillance center, not a concession stand. And I'm not your maid, ok?!

Sanchez

Why don't you calm down, Buzz?

Buzz

[Cleaning up his workstation, handing the snack wrappers to Sanchez] Guys, this is a surveillance center, not a concession stand. And I'm not your maid, ok?!

Sanchez

Why don't you calm down, Buzz?

[to Gabriel, who is alone in the room with him] You see, every one pretends kids don't want sex. But they do. You remember when you were a kid? It's all you thought about. There's nothin' wrong with it. It's biology. And besides, black girls are different.

Gabriel

Is that right?

I mean, look at her. Black girls are way more sexy and mature than white girls. It's why they have kids so young. You probably grew up swimming in black ass. It's the way they walk; shake-shake-shakin that thang...

Provenza

[watching from the video room as Gabriel heads around to the other side of the table] Kill the feed, Buzz.

Buzz

But the chief said...

Provenza

I said, kill it! [Buzz turns off the camera feed and heads for the door] Do NOT leave this room!!

Buzz

[clearly nervous] Why not?

Provenza

Because Sergeant Gabriel is about to make a break in the case.

Brenda

[to Lt. Tao, who is wearing a hazmat suit] Take off...TAKE OFF THIS RIDICULOUS HELMET! And the suit! All of it! For heaven's sakes!

Tao

Chief, this could end the entire training session!

Brenda

Well, some things are more important, Lt. Tao. Now, Buzz, I need you to put on this hat and that suit. And hurry!

Buzz

You want me to go out there and pretend to be Lt. Tao?

Brenda

Yes! Exactly!

Buzz

Do I have to over-explain everything?

Tao

Hey!

Time! Qualification has been achieved. You may all remove your gear and sign the queue log, please. [everyone removes their hazmat suits and signs out except Buzz]

Flynn

It's ok, Tao. You can take the helmet off now. [Buzz takes off the helmet and signs out, to everyones surprise]

You're Michael Tao?

Buzz

That's Lieutenant Michael Tao.

Provenza

He's adopted.

Tao

What makes a good marriage? I think patience.

Patience. And separate bathrooms.

Provenza

Up until now, you guys had avoided all the big mistakes people make in a relationship: getting married, buying a house and having kids. I look at this wedding today as a big red flag.

Gabriel

Hi. I just wanted to say that I have really enjoyed working with both of you, truly. And this really couldn't be happening to two nicer people. Congratulations, you guys.

Flynn

Hey, you guys. Enjoy Italy. You've earned it. And make sure you "sleep in" a lot your first week out. Heh heh heh.

Daniels

I don't know much about successful relationships, but you seem to have one. And I'm happy to have been a part of your lives.

Buzz

I just wanted to say that its really nice to have been invited to the reception, and I hope this little tribute is something you will like, and keep and remember.

Sanchez

My wife died six years ago and I've never taken off her ring. Always love each other. Always.

Pope

Well, I'm...happy for you. Both. May each year bring you closer together.

Taylor

So...just say something nice?

Buzz

That's what I did.

Taylor

Okay, let me think...

Buzz

I applied for this federal grant to upgrade our surveillance system and I think I got it but I need help translating this letter.

Tao

What language is it in?

Buzz

Government.

Brenda

I don't want a murder suspect looking at a Crown Vic in the rear view mirror. Buzz, what kind of a car do you drive?

Buzz

A Prius. Why? Oh, no. No, no.

Brenda

We-we'll take such good care of it.

Buzz

It's brand-new and I just washed it.

Brenda

I promise. Such good care. (Buzz reluctantly hands over his keys) Thank you very much.

Buzz

Please, just... don't bring it back with any blood in it or bullet holes.

(sarcastically) Good luck.

Buzz

Thanks.

Provenza

[trying to get Buzz to go along with their illicit actions] And we'll give you a third of our take! Two hundred dollars!

Provenza

So, even if Buzz's insurance covers part of the repairs, if his deductible is a thousand dollars, we're still three thousand in the hole.

Buzz

What?!

Provenza

You know what this means!

Buzz

Yeah. I'm rich.

Provenza

No! You're going to split this three ways!

Buzz

Sure! You can each have a third. Two hundred dollars.