A character in The Brak Show
Voiced by Andy Merrill
The Brak Show · 70 quotes
Most-quoted character in The Brak Show: in 31 of its 70 quotes
Most scenes with: Zorak (11), Dad (6), Thundercleese (2)
BrakGuess what I'm going to be for the talent show?
I don't know, a loser?
BrakNo. I'm going to be a potato and sing the potato song.
Ugh, I can't wait not to hear it.
BrakWhat do you mean? Aren't you going to be there?
Oh I'll be there. Heh, I'll be there. [Fantasizes that he is burning the talent show with a flamethrower and laughing maniacally / Brak running saying "Hot potato coming through"] Burn! BURN!
I never saw him again.
BrakDid you ever see him again?
Did I not just say that I didn't?
I think there's something wrong with Brak.
There's something wrong with everyone.
BrakI don't want to live anymore.
Ah, finally my own office! You see, Mother, told you if we wait, we wouldn't have to add-on!
[about Mobab] Hahaha. Ain't he a riot? I met him at the club!
Yes, the gentleman's club. Gentlemen only, please.
BrakCan I join too? I'm a gentleman. Watch this: [with a British accent] Allow me to peel your biscuit, grand-mama.
I'm sorry, but Zorak took the last available membership following the untimely passing of Colonel Noseworthy.
Yeah, it took him all night to die. [chuckles]
Allow me to introduce myself. I am Mobab von Hoffman. Perhaps you've heard of me.
BrakI sure have. Just a second ago when you said, "I am Mobab von Hoffman"!
You're not very bright, are you?
BrakWho wants to know?
[Looks at Mom] And who is this [knocks down Brak so he can get closer to Mom] vision of exquisite beauty?
BrakFunny you should ask. [Singing]
BrakIt's your fault, Zorak! If you hadn't brought that brutally handsome gentleman into this house, I'd still have a mommy!
And I would still have a robust woman to carry my coffee beans to the roasting facility!
BrakHey, what happened to my bed? [Brak's bed is covered in a thick, bubbling slime]
Yeah, that's my funk. Leave it alone. It's resting.
BrakWell, where did it come from?
Do you really want to know?
BrakNo, I suppose not.
BrakMy dad's not gonna like you hittin' his prize pigs with water bombs.
Oh, about those water bombs, those were live shells. BLAMMO!
Brak[Stammers] You told me that was water!
Yeah, I lied about that. I lie a lot. That's what makes me cool.
Alright, what do you wanna do?
BrakDo you wanna make love, darling?
[furious] WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?!
BrakI wasn't talking to you! I was practicing for my wedding night.
What?!
BrakDon't you ever do that? Don't you ever wonder how something's gonna sound before you say it in a real situation?
Oh, you mean like, "Put your hands behind your head!" or "How much for the twins?"
BrakYeah, I guess.
Mother, people only invite you to dinner for three reasons: to sell you vitamins, to drug you and take unpleasant snapshots, or to convert you to their hideous farming religion!
Oh, rubbish!
No, mother, this is serious business -- they make you take an animal wife
You are going to get your bum off that chair, put on your walking hat, and come to the party. Is that clear?
All right, but I'm not kissing any animals on the lips.
BrakMe neither!
Fair enough. Off we go then!
BrakHey Winston: how come you don't have any toys? All you've got is, is condiments.
I use them when I have people over to eat. It makes them tastier to me. To my mouth. Heeheeheehee.
BrakYeah, huhuhuh. That's a good one.
Why don't you pick up that knife and stab yourself a few times?
BrakWhat?
Oh I'd do it myself, but my heart's so puny it can't pump enough juice to get my limbs to workin'.
BrakHey why don't we play a game or something? Wouldn't that be fun?
Oh yeah, that would. How 'bout if you play, uh, you bang your head on that wall 'n' crawl back over to me?
BrakThat doesn't sound like fun at all.
Uh-huh -- it's fun for me. 'Cause I eat you! Fun for Winston!
BrakOne more remark like that and I am leaving!
No don't go, don't go -- Winston lonely! We'll play a game just like Brak said.... Then I eat you!
BrakWinston!
Huhuhuh, I'm just jokin'!
BrakHe's dead?
He was when I killed him.
BrakSo, what do you think of my new shoes?
I think they look like crap just like you, you big jackass!
BrakCome on, little meat, lets go upstairs to my room.
Stairs? That's something I only heard of in books! You a rich boy.
BrakI guess I'd better get back to my pad. Them girls ain't kissin' themselves.
If they start, you know where to find me. Oh, I love that business.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Brak Show pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
