[Mike and Carol start up the family meeting about the phone bill.]
[to the kids] All right! We all know that in the past, the telephone problem has been absolutely impossible!
[turns to Bobby and Cindy] Oh yeah? Well, it has bothered me. And it has bothered our household budget. [then to the rest of the kids] Fortunately, I have the solution to the problem and here it is.
[Mike unwraps the gift and it turns out to be a payphone.]
That looks like a pay telephone.
Honey, that looks like a real payphone.
Precisely. Didn’t you notice the other one is gone, the other phone?
The point is, this payphone is for all you kids. And the household budget stops taking a beating. From now on, you are given an addition to your allowance for two calls per day. After that, those calls you make is then deducted from your allowance.
Did you say, two calls a day?
[turns to Peter] That’s right, Peter. The rest then comes out of your allowance.
Two calls?! But I average at least ten!
[turns to Jan] Well, there goes your allowance.
[Mike turns to the rest of the kids.]
This payphone should teach you kids not to monopolize the phone. And you have to be especially careful about toll calls.
[Mike turns to Carol.]
[to Carol] Did you know that every call you make to Martha is a toll call?
[laughs] Well, you don’t expect me to use that thing.
Very good, you can use my phone in the den.
[sarcastically] Oh, thanks a lot.
[The kids have a discussion over the pay phone.]
Two calls? Even when you’re arrested you get to make one call.
And that you make to your lawyer.
Come on, let’s tell them how we feel.
[The kids get up and turn back to their parents.]
We don't want a payphone! You can't lie on the floor and talk!
That should make your calls shorter, won't it?
Suppose we promise to be more careful.
[to Greg] Sorry, son. We've tried discussion, we've tried egg timers, we've even tried threats. Nothing worked.
Now you use the pay phone.
[to Marcia] Sorry, Marcia. But maybe this is going to solve the problem. [turns to all the rest of the kids.] DISMISSED!
Nobody said goodbye to me or anything, and I didn't think they cared.
Oh sweetheart, everybody cares. And I bet you your baseball cards you can't guess who cares the most.
You? [Carol nods] Even though I'm only a step?
Listen, the only steps in this house are those... [shows Bobby the stairs] ...the ones that lead up to your bedroom. So how about marching right back up there?
Hey Dad, Mom and me are back home again!
Good, cause that's where you both belong!
Marcia! Will you please tell Bobby to stop it?
Listen, Cindy. You promised you would stay in the boys' room with Bobby and color.
That is what we are doing! We are coloring!
I'm coloring a tiger and Bobby's coloring a giraffe. And now Bobby wants to color me!
He wants to color my spots!
I thought they would look better in green.
Go back and color your coloring books. And Bobby? Her spots would look rotten in green.
Hey, how about blue? I am going to make her spots blue.
I like them red, like they are!
[As the kids are quarantined from their measles, Mike, Carol, and Alice prepare lunches and activities for them.]
Well, I think so. Six luncheon trays...!
[Carol's next line is singing. That is, to the tune of "The 12 Days of Christmas".]
[singing] ♪leave it all to me!♪
♪leave it all to me,♪
♪leave it all to me,♪
♪leave it all to me,♪
CMCarol and Mike
[both singing --and singing the final lyric as a duet] ♪leave it all to me!♪
Sure great how some people can sing while other people are dying!
[After Marcia ignored the extra chores just to work on her essay.]
Marcia? Those chores were your punishment. Unless you can explain why you ignored them, I am going to have to be a little more severe.
But I can't explain. Not right now.
[Mike starts a severe punishment. That is, but not a very severe one yet. This --on Marcia-- is a little severe.]
I am going to ground you for one week. No playground or friends's houses. And when you come home from school, you (after school) are to go straight to your room.
[When Marcia went outside — in the middle of the night — to mail the letter and climbed back up the trellis.]
[Carol wakes up Jan.]
[to Jan] Where is Marcia?
[at the window, from the trellis, and to Carol] Here I am, Mommy.
Marcia...!? What on earth!?
[Mike puts his hands on Marcia, drags Marcia through the window, and leads her into the house.]
[after leading Marcia inside] Where were you?
[Mike closes the window.]
AT THIS HOUR!? DOWN THE TRELLIS!? YOU COULD HAVE BROKEN YOUR NECK!
I had to mail the letter.
[Mike sighs.]
Marcia, I have given you every chance possible. Now you leave me with no alternative.
[Finally, Mike starts up a really, very, very, severe punishment. That is, as he says...!]
We are all going skiing this weekend — all except you.
Your father is right. You are going to just have to stay at home with your grandparents.
[About the closure announcement of the Checker Trading Stamps store.]
[Mike looks at the newspaper]
[Mike shows her the paper.]
Oh no! This family better make up its mind and quick! If they don't, it will be no longer possible to purchase premiums!
While Alice is grounded, you are all going to assume the job of running this house. And that is starting tomorrow and right after school.
But Dad, our team has practice work outs! So we can stay in shape for the next game!
I guarantee your coach you will be in shape.
What about my music lessons?!
You can hum a lot while you work.
That's right. No dance class.
Dad? Would you believe that I would spend every afternoon studying at the library?
[laughs] Yeah, that's a great try, Peter. And I would like to believe that. But it would boggle my mind. Anyone else?
Good. Now that we understand each other, hit the sack! Starting with breakfast tomorrow, we get to work!
