[Mike and Carol start up the family meeting about the phone bill.]
[to the kids] All right! We all know that in the past, the telephone problem has been absolutely impossible!
It has not bothered me.
Me neither.
[turns to Bobby and Cindy] Oh yeah? Well, it has bothered me. And it has bothered our household budget. [then to the rest of the kids] Fortunately, I have the solution to the problem and here it is.
[Mike unwraps the gift and it turns out to be a payphone.]
[cheering] TA-DA!
That looks like a pay telephone.
That is a pay telephone.
Honey, that looks like a real payphone.
Precisely. Didn’t you notice the other one is gone, the other phone?
Hey, it is gone.
I don’t dig.
What’s the point?
The point is, this payphone is for all you kids. And the household budget stops taking a beating. From now on, you are given an addition to your allowance for two calls per day. After that, those calls you make is then deducted from your allowance.
Did you say, two calls a day?
[turns to Peter] That’s right, Peter. The rest then comes out of your allowance.
Two calls?! But I average at least ten!
[turns to Jan] Well, there goes your allowance.
[Mike turns to the rest of the kids.]
This payphone should teach you kids not to monopolize the phone. And you have to be especially careful about toll calls.
[Mike turns to Carol.]
[to Carol] Did you know that every call you make to Martha is a toll call?
[laughs] Well, you don’t expect me to use that thing.
Very good, you can use my phone in the den.
[sarcastically] Oh, thanks a lot.
You’re welcome.
[The kids have a discussion over the pay phone.]
Two calls? Even when you’re arrested you get to make one call.
And that you make to your lawyer.
Come on, let’s tell them how we feel.
[The kids get up and turn back to their parents.]
We don't want a payphone! You can't lie on the floor and talk!
That should make your calls shorter, won't it?
Suppose we promise to be more careful.
[to Greg] Sorry, son. We've tried discussion, we've tried egg timers, we've even tried threats. Nothing worked.
You're right, Greg.
Now you use the pay phone.
But Dad...!
[to Marcia] Sorry, Marcia. But maybe this is going to solve the problem. [turns to all the rest of the kids.] DISMISSED!
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