What the fuck is wrong with you!? Tom! Oh lordy Lord! What the hell! Tom! What’s going on? Tom! Go away! I'm gonna call the police!
I'm gone get that old ass!
(In Huey and Riley's bedroom)
Man I can't hear nothin over granddad's gay ass music, look out, new message aww man its a old dude with his shirt off wait! That's granddad ewww, he in the bathroom, probably just ran out of toilet paper again and I ain't getting it for him neither, nope.
Why would he send a message from...
WHAT THE HELL! Tom! hats goin on! oh my goodness! Tom! What's goin here!? Oh help me son! Help me!
(Granddad narrowly escaping from Possessed Tom while stumbling in his speedo)
Oh my goodness! Some black people are crazy!
Oh yeah, Here comes the Pain (Throw a axe at Granddad but fall down the stairs before being sliced)
Goodness gracious! The life! (Pull up his speedo) Tom, what's wrong with you? You on that stuff? Snap out of it, Tom. Cocaine is a hell of a drug!
You don't remember ME? You don't remember my name?! (He then proceeds to punch Granddad in the face.)
What's my name, nyugga? (Tom does a low spin kick to Granddad's face.)
"AAAAH" ain't my name. My mama didn't name me "AAAAH". What's my name, nyugga?! WHAT'S MY NAME?!
DING-DING-DING-DING! THAT'S RIGHT, NYUGGA!
I don't know how you got here, Stinkmeaner, but you're going back to Hell!
Oh yeah! I'm goin’ back, and I'm takin' ya’ll with me in the first-class cabin on the Ass-Whuppin' Express! All aboard! WHOO WHOO!
Robert Freeman! You up there, you bitch nigga! Where are you Robert?
GSGranddad's Date
With all of the woman in my culture...
Come here and fight like a man, you fat-ass nigga!
GSGranddad's Date
Who's that?
(muffled) I know you can hear me, Robert! I know you hear me! I will not be ignored! I'm right up here!
Ain't this a bitch? Got a possessed nigga up here, and Granddad's worried about his date!
(breaks free from the handcuff on his right arm) Ah-hah! Get off me! You've got a date Robert? Did you tell her you have two sets of genitals! A vagina and a coochie! Oh, that's a conjunction! A vagina and a coochie!
GSGranddad's Date
What is going on?
Oh, th-that? that's just the television. Eh, boys, turn the television down!
This ain't no TV show, nigga! This is real talk, nigga!
GSGranddad's Date
Uhh! My friends warned me that there were weirdoes on MySpace!
Wait! No! That's just the TV!
GSGranddad's Date
It's not the fact that you obviously have a man possessed by an evil spirit, strapped to a bed upstairs!
GSGranddad's Date
No. It's the fact that you lied about it!
May white god bless you Robert, I came as fast I could.
So this is the plan, Uncle Ruckus.
Let's get this party started.
Oh Yeah! You got bad credit, Robert!
Removing a evil nigga spirits from a negro is harder then removing stank from a huck of shit. We must use these tools that the Great God gave us to fight niggas; a whip, a noose, a nightstick, a branding iron! These things strike fear into a nigga's heart. A job application! Avoid conversation with the nigga. The nigga will lie. The nigga will excuse. He will use words that he don't know, if he get desperate he may started to rap or dance.
You all... testicle, and no shaft. What happen to your shaft, Robert!
Oh yeah. There powerful evil niggatry at work here.
(Ruckus open and enter Huey and Riley room along with the Freemans)
Nigga, My name is Reverend Father Uncle Ruckus [No relation]. And the name White Jesus and all the great white man who have come here after. I command the black nigga soul back from the death of hell.
(laughing) Is that all you got, nigga?
Oh, no, nigga. That's just the tip of this iceberg. (opens the Bible and shoves it in Possessed Tom's face) Read, nigga, read!!!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! (bed begins to levitate)
[while Riley, Grandad, and Ruckus are performing exorcism] Oh, this gonna be fun, this gonna be comical! Haha, you gonna tickle me with a belt? Come on, give it to me! You just tickling me! Hahaha! Imma' join in too! Imma' join in too! "Nigga! Get yo black ass out of there!". Aw, you niggas ain't shit! Your mothers ain't shit!
[gesturing to his hometown], "Now, this right here, is where I grew up. I seen everything, man, everything. I seen a nigga get killed right over there, you know? They beat him up, stomped him, shot the dude, stomped the nigga again, and then I seen 'em take a dump on the dude. I swear to god, man, they actually, like, shot a deuce on this nigga, man! They shat on a nigga, man! And I started thinking to myself; 'Man...what'd he do to make them niggas that mad?'.
You could invite them over for dinner and get to know them...
Yeah, I... guess I could do that...
(Dream sequence)
(The Freemans are sitting, dressed up, at a candle-lit Sunday dinner. Suddenly, the door bursts open and Lethal Interjection barges in.)
Wazhappenin' nigga? Alright nigga, where da chicken wings and donuts at?!
(kicks over a chair, yelling) What the fuck you got to EAT in this bitch, NIGGA?!!!?!?
(Dream sequence ends)
Uh-ummm! THAT shit ain't happenin'.
(to Riley) Hey man, is this your brother?
Yo nigga, your brother told us how you be all into reading and shit. Hey that’s some real good shit my nigga, for real. Congratulations nigga.
Did you just congratulate me for reading?
Word, oh yeah, man, you know? Good shit, homie, word, yaknamean? Ya know that reading shit, yaknamean, it's hard, son! Word, yaknamean? Word, yaknamean, especially when them books be, yaknmean? You know, real thick and heavy like, yaknamean? Word, yaknamean?
You don't know where I came from! I'm from a small town called Whup-A-Rebel's-Little-Narrow-Country-Ass, and you-HEY! Put that camera back over here! I ain't finished my damn line! Ya'll makin' me homesick! There, now stick that up yo' ass!
(The next three lines are said at the same time.)
Eat a dick, old man! You faggot-ass, punk-ass, pussy-ass nigga!
Eat it, foo'! Eat a dick, old muthafucka! Matter of fact, eat a sack of baby dicks, muthafucka!
Fuck you, bitch-ass old man! No one likes you anyway, muthafucka!
