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S3 E18

The Big Bang Theory · Season 3, Episode 18

“The Pants Alternative” quotes from The Big Bang Theory

3 quotes

“The Pants Alternative” · Season 3, Episode 18

In this episode: Sheldon Cooper (3), Penny (2), Howard Wolowitz (1), Raj (1)

So, what do you say, Sheldon? Are we your X-Men?

No. The X-Men were named for the "X" in Charles Xavier. Since I'm Sheldon Cooper, you will be my C-Men.

Oh, that's not a good name.

[teaching Sheldon how to calm himself with meditation] OK, Sheldon, imagine the place you feel most at home. Where is that?

Sim City. In particular, the Sim city I designed--Sheldonopolis.

OK, you're in Sheldonopolis,

Where exactly? Sheldon Square? Sheldon Towers? Sheldon Stadium, home of the fighting Sheldons?

Whatever you like.

I thought this was supposed to be a guided meditation.

Fine, you're in Sheldon Square.

Really? This time of year? It's a bit nippy.

Then put on a sweater.

I suppose I could run downtown and pick something up at Shel-Mart.

Yeah, whatever. Just go buy a sweater.

You know, the nice thing about Shel-Mart is I own it, so I get a 15% discount.

You own the damn thing. Just take a freaking sweater!

Look, I didn't turn a profit last quarter by taking product off the shelves willy-nilly.

All right. You've paid for a sweater and you're in Sheldon Square.

Hang on. It's a cardigan. I have to button it. [He does so] Oh no!

What now?

A Godzilla-like monster is approaching the city. I have to get my people to safety. People of Sheldonopolis, this is your mayor. Follow me! If the children can't run leave them behind! Oh, the simulated horror! [Raj leaves and slams the door. Sheldon opens his eyes] Raj? [To himself] Just as I suspected. Meditation is nothing but hokum.

I question your premise. How is a new suit going to prevent me from passing out in front of a ballroom full of people?

It'll give you confidence. You know, sometimes when I'm feeling all stressed out about something, I go out and buy a cute top or a fun skirt and I have a whole new outlook on life.

Don't you eventually realize you're just the same stressed out person in a cute top or a fun skirt?

Yeah, that's when I buy shoes. Now, let's see what we've got. Ooh! [showing Sheldon an indigo suit] This is nice.

It's only one colour.

Yeah, so?

That's a lot of money for only one colour.

Fine. Why don't you pick out what you like?

Hmm. [Cut to Sheldon exiting changing room in a loud check suit] This is pretty sharp.

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