“The Einstein Approximation” quotes from The Big Bang Theory

Howard

Sheldon, what the hell are you doing?

Sheldon

Same thing I've been doing for three days. Trying to figure out why electrons behave as if they have no mass when traveling through a graphene sheet.

Bernadette

With marbles?

Sheldon

I needed something bigger than peas now, didn't I?

Bernadette

Sheldon, when was the last time you got any sleep?

Sheldon

I don't know, two, three days? Not important. I don't need sleep. I need answers. I need to determine where, in this swamp of unbalanced formulas squateth the toad of truth.

Penny

[aside to Leonard] The toad of truth? Is that a physics thing?

Leonard

No, that's a crazy thing.

Bernadette

[making her way to Sheldon] Okay, Sheldon, what happens to our neuro-receptors when we don't get enough REM sleep?

Sheldon

[looks at Bernadette] They lose their sensitivity to seratonin and norepinephrine.

Bernadette

Which leads to…?

Sheldon

Impaired cognitive function.

Bernadette

Right. [firmly, pointing at his bedroom] So march in there, brush your teeth and go to bed!

Sheldon

[in a childish manner] …But I don't wanna go to bed.

Bernadette

[firmly] I'm gonna count to three. One…

Sheldon

[exasperated] Oh, all right! [leaves]

Leonard

[shocked] That was amazing how you handled him.

Bernadette

I know how to deal with stubborn children. My mother used to run an illegal daycare center in our basement.

Penny

[at the restaurant] What are you doing here?

Sheldon

A reasonable question. I asked myself, "What is the most mind-numbing, pedestrian job conceivable?" and three answers came to mind: tollbooth attendant, Apple Store genius, and what Penny does. Now, since I don't like touching other people's coins, and I refuse to contribute to the devaluation of the word "genius", here I am.

Penny

So that's it? You just walked in and they hired you just like that?

Sheldon

Oh, heavens, no! Since I don't have to be paid, I didn't have to be hired. I just walked in, picked up a tray, and started working for the Man.

Sheldon

[bringing Leonard, Howard, and Raj their meals] All right. [to Howard] One bacon cheeseburger, breaking two Jewish dietary restrictions simultaneously. Kudos. [to Raj] Beer-battered fish and chips. Now, here's your tartar sauce. I also brought you salsa. It's a little unconventional, but I think you'll like it. It's zingy. [to Leonard] And for you, factory burrito grande, no cheese, no sour cream, no ugly consequences from your lactose intolerance. Bon appétit.

Leonard

Hang on. Black beans, not pinto beans?

Sheldon

Yes.

Leonard

Double guacamole?

Sheldon

Of course.

Leonard

No cilantro?

Sheldon

Nope.

Leonard

Lettuce shredded, not chopped?

Sheldon

Yep.

Leonard

You understand why I'm doing this to you?

Sheldon

I do.

Leonard

That'll be all. [to Howard and Raj] That was fun.