TGTodd Grisham
I'm being joined by Team Alberto Del Rio member, the All-American American, Jack Swagger, and Jack, how does it feel to be a part of Team Del Rio?
JSJack Swagger
Team Del Rio? Team Del Rio? Todd, let me tell you something? As the only former World Heavyweight Champion on this team, it should be called Jack Swagger's All-American Americans, which is important because we're not in America right now. We're not in Miami. This is "Little Cuba". Jack Swagger don't habla Español. Are you kidding me, Todd?
CRCody Rhodes
You'll have to excuse him, Todd. See, I know where all this animosity stems from. I caught our Jack Swagger last night trying to get into a club here in South Beach with the most busted broke shoes I have ever seen.
SSwagger
They were my grandfather's, and they're vintage.
CCody
Right. Listen, I don't know what it's like to stand behind a roped entrance unlike you, [indicated Todd] unlike you...
ADAlberto Del Rio
Bravo, bravo, I love it. I was just talking with Drew and Tyler, and I bet them a dinner that in the moment Jack Swagger starts talking, we're going to have a train of interruptions. [Mocking] Ooh, you're nothing. I'm better than you. You're nothing. Come on, guys. Come on. That's boring. We're here to destroy Rey Mysterio, to destroy Rey Mysterio and his little friends. I want to see little kids crying; I want them to see their idols on the floor; I want tears; and if we do that, I buy the beers. Sound good? Of course it does. And hey, come on, guys. Don't worry, I'm your captain. Your captain is the one and only Alberto Del Rio.
CCody
[as Alberto, Drew and Tyler walk off] I hate to admit it, but he's good.
RThe Rock
Madison Square Garden...[the crowd cheers] Madison Square Garden...let me tell you something about Madison Square Garden. 1977, five years old, Dwayne Johnson is sittin' in the seats right out there, right in front, front row watching his grandfather, the High Chief Peter Maivia take on Superstar Billy Graham for the WWE Title. Seven years later, the Rock, twelve years old, hanging out in the back in the dressing room with Andre the Giant! Let me repeat that—hangin' out with Andre the Giant. Watching the Rock's dad, "Soul Man" Rocky Johnson defend his WWE Tag Team Title! And here we are, 1996, this very arena, this magical arena, the Rock makes his debut at Survivor Series, November '96! The Rock makes his debut at Survivor Series, and despite having a hideous outfit and the worst haircut known to man, this was the place! This was the place where the people, for the very first time in the Rock's life, chanted the Rock's name! [The crowd chants "Rocky!"] That night, that night started an odyssey, an epic odyssey that will go down in WWE history. That will go down in WWE history from "Know your role" to "Shut your mouth", all the way to "Layeth the smacketh down"; from "one on one with the Great One"; all the way back to "do you...like pie?"; to "it doesn't matter what you think!" All the way back, all the way back, then the Rock becomes...the Intercontinental Champion, then the Rock becomes Tag Team Champion, then the Rock becomes 7-time WWE Champion. But above all that, more importantly than that, on that night, the Rock became the People's Champion! Becoming the People's Champion, after seven long years, finally the Rock has come back. Finally the new era, the People's Era begins tonight, because finally...[the crowd says it with him] FINALLY, THE ROCK HAS COME BACK TO NEW YORK CITY!!!
[The crowd resumes the "Rocky" chant"]
Miz and R-Truth, Miz and R-Truth, it's as simple as this. It's as simple as this! Boots...to asses. Miz and R-Truth, boots to asses. Now, now on to the Rock's tag team partner, John Cena. [The crowd's usual reaction] You see, John Cena. John Cena, you called the Rock out to be your tag team partner. Well, guess what. You got your wish. But what you didn't count on, what you never counted on, what you never counted on was the Rock doesn't come alone. No, no, no, no, no! The Rock, as you can clearly hear, and later on, your monkey ass is clearly gonna see, that the Rock brings 17,000 strong! And what we're gonna do, we're gonna take a lightning bolt and shoot it right up your ovulating lady parts! [The crowd chants "Lady Parts!"] New York City, you and the Rock know just how magical Madison Square Garden is. You know it, the Rock knows it. You know how special and historic this night is. Frank Sinatra performed out there in Madison Square Garden, gave the performance of a lifetime! Not only Blue Eyes himself, it was Ali-Frazier, delivered the fight of the century in this very arena! And tonight...and tonight, the Rock wakes up in a city that never sleeps. In a city that never sleeps, he's A-#1, top of the list, king of the hill, A-#1...[sings] These little town blues are melting away. New York City, this is the Rock live, the Rock ain't singin' by himself! No, no, no! We're gonna make [sings with the crowd] a brand new start of it in Ol New York! If we can make it here, we'll make it anywhere. It's up to you, New York, New York!
Boots to asses all night long, New York City, it's on...IF YA SMELL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKIN'!!!
And now Punk kick to the side of the head! [Punk covers Del Rio] The cover! [The ref counts to two, but Del Rio gets the shoulder up] Two-count, Del Rio, shoulder up! [Punk immediately hooks him into the Anaconda Vice] In the Vice! In the Vice!
BTBooker T
He's in that Vice!
[as Del Rio tries clawing Punk's face] What a move by Punk! What a counter by Punk! Anaconda Vice! Anaconda Vice! Del Rio's in trouble! The Champ's in trouble!
Del Rio doing all he can!
[Del Rio taps out]
BTBooker T
Oh...you gotta be kidding me! A great victory!
BTBooker T
What a match-up. [Punk exits the ring and dives into the crowd] I mean, these two were fists on fire, toe-to-toe for thirty minutes and it was totally, totally off the hook!
The winner of this bout...and NEW WWE Champion: CM Punk!
For the sixteenth time in the history of Madison Square Garden, the WWE Championship has changed hands! CM Punk now a two-time WWE Champion, and a five-time world champion!
CPCM Punk
[sitting on the barrier and holding the belt high] BEST IN THE WORLD!!!
BTBooker T
Got a lot of respect for CM Punk, man. For all intents and purposes, CM Punk is that good. [Punk runs and jumps into another part of the crowd] Wow! Just jumped in the mosh pit!
You can call that the Punk Pit right now.
Ladies and gentlemen, tonight marks day #364 that CM Punk has been Champion. He is currently tied with Hulk Hogan for the eighth-longest reign in WWE history.
How could you possibly understate a record like that?! 364 days?! When CM Punk became the Champion, Mitt Romney wasn't even the Republican nomination, Snooki hadn't even had a baby, Hostess was still in business. One day away from being a year, CM Punk!
But wouldn't it be ironic if he doesn't quite make the year?
It would be a year if he can make it to Monday Night Raw. CM Punk's current reign is the longest in six years. The man who stands in the ring next to him now, John Cena, held it for 380 days between 2006-2007. Now isn't that ironic? Now, John, I gotta ask you. A lot of people have been talking all week long about Punk being paranoid heading into tonight, that perhaps tonight is the night that things all are gonna crash down around CM Punk. Have you heard those rumors? Do you believe in them?
The pressure of carrying the Championship that long, one day away from being one year, of course he's nervous. He's not facing one beast, he's facing two in Cena and this crazy manimal Ryback.
And he's also facing the law of averages.
ZCZeb Colter
Boston, Massachusetts, the home of the Boston Tea Party, where, at one time, a group of patriots banded together to spark a revolution. But looking around at this motley crew assembled here tonight, I can clearly see that there are no revolutionaries amongst us. But if the Boston Tea Party were held today, none of you would know it, because you don't pay attention. None of you would know anything about Paul Revere or Nathan Hale because you're too busy doing other things, stupid things like twerking.
[Zeb demonstrates, but almost throws out his back to the laughter of the commentators and the crowd]
Oh, he threw his back out.
ZZeb
Oh, you think that's funny? You're doing stupid things like talking on your cell phones or Tweeting to some idiot halfway across the country, or cheering some foreign guy by the name of David Ortiz! Disgusting! You should be cheering real Americans like Jack Swagger...
CRCody Rhodes
Enough, enough, Zeb! None of these people here paid to listen to you talk!
JLJohn "Bradshaw" Layfield
I did.
RRhodes
And none of these people wanna see you twerk.
ALAJ Lee
I've been called many things—needy, adorable, psychotic, champion—and I have not come this far to be taken down now. Now, I know that all of you are far less successful than I am, but that's no reason for you to feel inferior. No, no, you should draw inspiration from me. Yes, this is the time for you to shake off all your insecurities, this is the time to prove everyone wrong, and to take back our Divas division! Who's with me?
AFAlicia Fox
Who are you calling inferior?
RMRosa Mendes
What makes you think you're better than any of us?
AAJ
Is...is that, like, a rhetorical question or...I'm sorry, do you know what rhetorical means? I'll speak real slow. It means...
KKaitlyn
Rhetorical means, a question that is so obvious that it doesn't need an answer. For example, why would any of us trust you? I mean, you basically ruined my life, you used Aksana and Fox in your ridiculous crusade against the Total Divas, and let's face it, besides your hired help, you have made enemies with every single one of us.
AAJ
Oh, Katie, I don't like you, and I know you don't like me, but this isn't about us. No, this is about the fact that Total Divas doesn't want any of you. And maybe it's because they think that you're not pretty enough, Kaitlyn; or because you have a silly accent, Aksana; or because that all you can do is dance, Summer. Yeah, what I know is that right now, Total Divas has new episodes playing on the E! Network, and none of you are on them, because they think that you don't deserve to be. Well prove them wrong. Start your own show by stealing this one tonight.