Dean Winchester quotes from Supernatural

Where's your partner? The big bald guy? Agent Wynand, right?

Sam

Agent Wynand, of course. Well -

Dean

Sex rehab. Yeah, you've heard of plushies, right?

Dean

One of dad's rules? You never use the same crapper twice.

Sam

Everyone uses the same crapper twice.

Dean

Not us... You know what I mean.

Dean

Sam, you-you gotta understand that all that crap last year, all of it, none of it was you.

Sam

Let's be crystal clear, okay? It was me.

Dean

(walks away) Can I get you anything?

Sam

What are you now, my waitress?

Dean

I'm just trying to make you feel better, don't be a bitch.

Sam

Yeah, I'm fine.

Dean

(sarcastic) Yeah, you look fine. (serious) All I'm saying is everything's gonna be okay.

Sam

I don't know Dean, if I did this here, then who knows how many oth— (Sam falls to the floor in a violent seizure)

Dean

Sammy? Sam?! Sammy, talk to me!

Dean

How do you feel?

Sam

Like I got hit by a... planet.

Sam

How long was I out again?

Dean

I'm tellin' you, like two or three minutes. Why, what'd it feel like to you?

Sam

'bout a week, give or take.

Sam

Dean, I might have done... who knows what. And you want me to just forget about it?

Dean

You shove it down, and you let it come out in spurts of violence and alcoholism.

Sam

That sounds healthy.

Dean

Well, it works for me.

Sam

Wait, that anatomy dummy you were molesting at the lab.

Dean

Excuse me?

Sam

What if that's what this is about?

Dean

What exactly are you accusing me of?

Dean

They put frickin' makeup on us! Those bastards!

Sam

Look, I think I know what this is.

Dean

Okay, what?

Sam

It's a TV show.

Dean

(sarcastic) You think?!

Sam

Well, I mean, here, wherever here is, thi-this Twilight Zone Balthazar zapped us into... for whatever reason, our life is a TV show.

Dean

Why?

Sam

I don't know.

Dean

No, seriously, why? Why would anybody wanna watch our lives?

Sam

Well according to the interviewer, not many people do.

Sam

I'm just saying we landed in some dimension where you're Jensen Ackles, and I'm something called a Jared Padalecki.

Dean

Oh, so what, now you're Polish?!

Sam

If there's a key, then there has to be a lock. And when we find the lock, we can get the weapons, and then we can have the weapons. And the lock, we'll also have the lock, I imagine because we've opened it, and of course, the initial key... a-and...

Dean

(abnormally deep voice) We need to get all three of that crap.

Sam

What?

Dean

That's how he does it!

Sam

(hitting a wall in Bobby's house) Solid. (with relief) It's real. Nice.

Dean

Yeah. Yeah, real, moldy, termite-eaten home sweet home. Chock full of crap that want to skin you. Oh, and uh, we're broke again.

Sam

(sarcastic) Yeah. But, hey... at least we're talking.

Sam

What he did to us... but...

Dean

There's a but?

Sam

I just can't help but think, what would Mom say?

Dean

You know what I think Mom would say? She'd say, "Just 'cause you're blood doesn't make you family. You gotta earn that."

Dean

Who is she, this Eve bitch?

The Mother of All of us. And the end of all of you. By the time she's done, there'll be more creatures than humans. You'll live in pens. We'll serve up your young and call it veal.

Bobby

It was Omaha. It was my fault. And he never let it go.

Dean

Well, he should have.

Bobby

You don't know what I did, Dean.

Dean

It doesn't matter.

Bobby

What do you mean, it doesn't...?

Dean

I mean, at the end of the day, you two are family. Life's short, and ours are shorter than most. We gonna spend it wringing our hands? Something's going to get us, eventually. And when my guts get ripped out, just so you two know, we're good. Blanket apology for all the crap that anybody's done, all the way around.

Sam

Some of us pulled a lot of crap, Dean.

Dean

Well, clean slate.

Sam

Okay.

Sam

Why?

Balthazar

Why what?

Dean

Why did you unsink the ship?

Balthazar

Because I hated the movie.

Dean

What movie?

Balthazar

Exactly.

Sam

Wait. So you saved a cruise liner because...?

Balthazar

Because that god-awful Celine Dion song made me wanna smite myself!

Sam

Who's Celine Dion?

Balthazar

Oh, she's a destitute lounge singer somewhere in Quebec, and let's keep it that way, please.

Sam

But now those people and their kids and their kids' kids... they must have interacted with-with so many other people, changed so much crap... you totally butterfly-effected history.

Dean

Dude, dude, rule one. No Kutcher references.