Metatron quotes from Supernatural

Metatron

What makes a story work? Is it the plot, the characters, the text? The subtext? And who gives a story meaning? Is the writer? Or you? Tonight, I thought I would tell you a little story and let you decide.

Metatron

You have been around since scaly things crawled out of the muck. Would it have killed you to pick up a book, watch a movie? [sighs] Here. I know it's a bit of a retcon, but it's gonna make this whole conversation a lot easier.

Metatron

Ah. So Gadreel bites the dust. And the Angel tablet... arguably the most powerful instrument in the history of the universe... is in pieces, and for what again? Oh, that's right... to save Dean Winchester. That was your goal, right? I mean, you draped yourself in the flag of heaven, but ultimately, it was all about saving one human, right? Well, guess what. He's dead, too.

Metatron

My morality is being judged by Dean Winchester? How many people have suffered and died because they believed in you? How many times have you lied to Sam, including, oh by the way, when he was possessed by an angel? And you say, 'oh well it's all for the greater good' but lately buddy, that greater good thing went away didn't it? Now people die because you want them to. [Dean punches Metatron] Good Dean, go darker. [Dean punches Metatron] Go deeper. [Dean punches Metatron repeatedly] Surely you noticed every time you respond, when the Mark gets you all twitchy, you fall deeper under its spell. You think roughing up a few demons or humans makes it worse? Try messing with the Scribe of God, bucko!

Metatron

I know why you're here "Ass-stiel", and I'm not interested.

Metatron

[Sees Sam] Sam-tastic!

Metatron

Hey! Do you have any idea how much stuff I had to steal and then pawn to pay for that?

Metatron

The truth... it'd make the Bible-thumpers' heads explode. I mean, they want their God to be a finger-snapping, all-powerful creator, you know... and they want magic... Mary Poppins. But what He did ― creation ― that took work. Took sacrifice. In order to create the world, God had to give up the only thing He'd ever known. He had to betray and sacrifice His only kin. The Darkness... His own sister.

Metatron

God! You've come back! I can't believe you've come back! I-I didn't mean what I'd said about Supernatural! It's underrated! Due for a reboot! And this bar, it's not crappy at all! It looks just like the one in Cheers! Everybody knows my name! And the lights are very forgiving!

Dean

So you've been holed up here or... or in a wigwam, or in some cave, listening to stories, reading books?

Metatron

And it was something to watch. What you brought to His earth... all the mayhem, the murder, Just the raw, wild invention of God's naked apes... it was mind-blowing. But really, really... it was your storytelling. That is the true flower of free will, at least as you've mastered it so far. When you create stories, you become gods of tiny intricate dimensions unto themselves. So many worlds. I have read as much as it's possible for an angel to read, and I haven't caught up.

Dean

But are you in? With us, I mean.

Metatron

You really intend on closing the doors of Hell?

Dean

Seems like the thing to do, don't it?

Metatron

It's your choice. And that's what this has all been about. The choices your kind make. But you're going to have to weigh that choice. Ask yourself what's it it going to take to do this and what will the world be like after it's done.

Castiel

What was He like?

Metatron

Who? (looks up) God? Pretty much what you'd expect, really. Gruff, larger than life, bit of a sexist, but fair! Eminently fair. (looks at Castiel firmly) The Nephilim was a monster, Castiel.

Castiel

...and the next Trial?

Metatron

(points across road) Across the street. His name's Dwight Charles. I've bee listening in on the angel radio. Cupid's frequency actually. And he is the next on their list.

Castiel

A list?

Metatron

To do the horizontal mumbo. Slap-buddies. (Castiel is confused) To find love! He is going to be zinged by Cupid's arrow within twenty-four hours, which is good for us, because the Second Trial is retrieving Cupid's Bow.

Castiel

No killing?

Metatron

No killing.

Sam

He's late.

Dean

Or he's not gonna show.

Metatron

[appearing] Of course I'm gonna show. I was just waiting for you two to finished setting up your little trap for me. Uh... Am I hitting my mark? Well, come on. Let's go. I'm waiting.

Metatron

[Fakes a cry of pain then laughs] Either of you bring s'mores? Holy Fire always gives them a delightful minty aftertaste. Make a wish, boys. [Metatron blows out the flames]

Metatron

Uh...just a second!

Gadreel

I gave you a second.

Metatron

You are such an...angel sometimes. What do you want?

Dean

You can save the humble pie Jesus routine for somebody who gives a damn.

Metatron

The problem with you Dean, is the cynicism. Always with the cynicism. But most people, even the real belly crawlers, living in filth, or Brentwood, they don't want to be cynical. They just want something to believe in.

Dean

And that'be you.

Metatron

Why not me?

Dean

You've been working those people outside for what, a day? And they've already spilled blood in your name. You're nothing but Bernie Madoff with wings.

Metatron

Ah, ah. So I'm a fake. Do you have any idea how much pancake make-up and soft lighting it took to get God to work a rope line? He hated it. And you know, humans sensed that. So they prayed harder and longer and fought more wars in His name. And for what?ǃ So they could die of malaria? Leukaemia? And all the while, blaming themselvesː "Oh, if only I'd been more prayerful, God would have loved meǃ God would have saved meǃ" You know what?ǃ God didn't even know their nameǃ But I do. Because I've walked among them, and I can save them.

Dean

Sure you can. So long as your mug is in every Bible, and "What would Metatron do?" is on every bumper.

Metatron

And? What, are you blaming me for giving them what they want? Giving them a brand they can believe in?

Dean

I'm blaming you for Kevinǃ I'm blaming you for taking Cas' Grace. Hell, I'm blaming you for the Cubs not winning the World Series in the last 100 freaking yearsǃ :[Showing the First Blade] Whatever it is, I'm blaming you.

Metatron

The First Blade. Nasty piece of work, isn't she? Ok, let's say you win, Dean, and I die. What's the world left with then, hmm? A herd of panty-waisted angels and you? Half out of your mind with lord knows what pumping through those veins?

Dean

You see, the only thing you've said that went in my ear was that you die.

Metatron

Oh, fine. We'll fight. I don't know what you expect is gonna come of all this. Unless... that's why you're stalling. Because you know nothing's gonna come of this unless your pals :[Gadreel and Castiel] succeed upstairs. Well, here's a newsflashː Humpty and Dumpty are starring in their very own version of "Locked Up Abroadː Heaven" right now.

Metatron

Wow, that big blade and that douchy tribal tat sure gave you some super juice. Whooǃ Okay...[They start fighting]