Kevin quotes from Supernatural

Kevin

Mom! You've got to stop drowning me in holy water every time I go out!

Kevin

(to the Winchesters via video) I'm dead, you bastards! So screw you, screw God, and everybody in-between!

Kevin

You're one of the angels?

Castiel

[reaches over and taps Kevin's nose] Boop. [turns to Meg] Meg, are you hurt?!

Meg

Shut up.

Kevin

This looks like a sex torture dungeon. Is this a sex torture dungeon?

Dean

No this is not a sex torture!...Get over here.

Kevin

What the hell happened to you guys?

Dean

Cliff Notes. I went to Purgatory. Sam hit a dog.

Kevin...what's going on?

Kevin

There is a demon in you and you're going to your safety school.

What?!?

Sam

Kevin, how you holding up?

Kevin

Awesome. The King of Hell just snapped my girlfriend's neck. How 'bout you?

Kevin

[Deciphering the stone tablet] The next is... "The demonic influence on the collective tapestry of the soul."

Crowley

Blah blah blah. Doesn't anyone ever edit this stuff? So far as a writer, God's a snooze. No fun at parties, I hear.

Kevin

From, the archangel... Metatron.

Crowley

The scribe... and suck-up. Took down God's word, picked up His cleaning.

Crowley

Am I seeing this? How did you figure it out?

Kevin

It started when they forgot the secret knock. But really, it... it was the way they acted. I don't think on their best day Sam and Dean would go into town and get me a barbecue dinner, not when there are leftover burritos in the fridge.

Crowley

So... my demons were too polite?

Kevin

Yeah.

Crowley

Well, I'll be a son of a whore.

Kevin

You know the Winchesters are up to the third trial? That they're gonna shut the door on Hell?

Crowley

I'm not worried, kid.

Kevin

You have no idea what's on this demon tablet. Right, the power you could have gotten with this, if you weren't running around like a chicken with his head cut off.

Crowley

You think I can't make you tell?

Kevin

I know you can't. And you do too.

Crowley

You know what? I've already won. I have the angel tablet, you little smudge. And I got deals and plans up the jacksie. [he grabs Kevin by the throat] And I don't... need... you!

This is sergeant Miranda Bates. Who am I talking to?

Kevin

Uhhh.. Kevin... Solo.

How old are you?

Kevin

Old enough. And I'm with the FBI, so you have to do what I say or-

Listen, kid. I don't have to do anything. [Kevin starts quickly going on his computer] And I don't take orders from the Feeb. So unless you can give me one reason you got a couple of pretty-boy agents poking around my crime scene, I'm gonna put them in cuffs and spank your ass raw. Understand?

Kevin

Cabo, last June.

What?!

Kevin

[smirks] That's my reason. Oh, my favorite's you in a sombrero doing a body shot off some naked guy in a luchador mask. Super classy.

How did you find that?

Kevin

Cause I'm Kevin frickin' solo.

Dean

And even with Crowley here, this is the safest place there is. And we need you man.

Kevin

Because I'm useful.

Dean

Because you're family. After all the crap that we've been through, after all the good that we've done. Man, if you don't think that we would die for you, I don't know what to tell you. Because you, me, Sam and Cass - we are all we've got.

Sam

And you were ours. And we failed you. I --

Kevin

Sam. I know that wasn't you. Go put a blade in that asshat who possessed you and we'll call it square... Guys. Thank you.

Dean

You can thank us when we get you to heaven where you belong. Okay, until then, enjoy your time with your mom. The, uh, uninterrupted, 24/7, no-escape quality time.

Kevin

Dick. Hey, before I go... Will you guys promise me something?

Dean

Yeah.

Sam

Anything.

Kevin

Can you two... Get over it? Dudes, just 'cause you couldn't see me doesn't mean I couldn't see you. The drama, the fighting... It's stupid. My mom's taking home a ghost. You two... You're both still here.