Lucifer quotes from Supernatural

Lucifer

You know, I never understood you pagans. You're such petty little things. Always fighting, always happy to sell out your own kind. No wonder you forfeited this planet to us. You are worse than humans. You're worse than demons. And yet you claim to be gods. [snaps Mercury's neck and smirks] And they call me prideful.

Lucifer

You know? I tried to be nice. For Sammy's sake. But you are such a pain in my ass.

Lucifer

Okay, you don't like me. I get it. I get it. Sometimes I don't like me, either. But Gabriel and Raphael are dead. God went out for a pack of smokes and never came back. And Michael? Well, let's just say prison life hasn't really agreed with Michael. These days, he's usually sitting in a corner singing show tunes and touching himself.

It's beautiful out here, isn't it? It's funny. The things you think you're not gonna miss at all, you end up missing the very, very most.

Lucifer

I will touch your soul, just because you asked so nicely, and I'll use your spell to blast through the warding and retrieve Dean and the uh, Hand of God, and then when Dean comes back and he finds this place decorated with your guts, I will tell him the truth, Sam. I'll just say, 'Dean...' [Lucifer begins imitating Castiel] 'Dean, he knew the risks. He wouldn't take no for an answer.'

Lucifer

You really thought you could double-cross me? Me? You know I invented the double-cross. Like, literally.

Lucifer

Oh, come on! It's not like He invented the Prius, which actually works. I don't have to tell you people what a mess mankind is. The Salem Witch Trials, Third Reich, Twin Towers. And, sure, every once in a while, He'll send down a little plague to straighten them out, but it's nothing permanent. Humanity brought us Hiroshima and got a redo. I merely questioned His priorities, and I got the boot.

Lucifer

You know what they say: he who hesitates disintegrates.

I'm not your wife, Nick. I'm an angel.

An angel?

My name is Lucifer.

Sure. Naturally, um... could you do me a favor there, Satan, and remind me to quit drinking before I go to bed?

Castiel

Lucifer.

Lucifer

So, I take it you're here with the Winchesters?

Castiel

I came alone.

Lucifer

Loyalty... such a nice quality to see this day and age.

Lucifer

I know what you must think of me, Sam. But I have to do this. I have to. You of all people should understand.

Sam

What's that supposed to mean?

Lucifer

I was a son. A brother, like you, a younger brother, and I had an older brother who I love. Idolized, in fact. And one day I went to him and I begged him to stand with me, and Michael... Michael turned on me. Called me a freak. A monster. And then he beat me down. All because I was different. Because I had a mind of my own. Tell me something, Sam. Any of this sound familiar? Anyway. You'll have to excuse me, midnight is calling and I have a ritual to finish. Don't go anywhere. Not that you could if you would.

Gabriel

Lucifer, you're my brother, and I love you. But you are a great big bag of dicks.

Lucifer

What did you just say to me?

Gabriel

Look at yourself... Boo hoo, Daddy was mean to me, so I'm gonna smash up all his toys.

Lucifer

Watch your tone.

Gabriel

Play the victim all you want, but you and me, we know the truth. Dad loved you best, more than Michael, more than me. Then he brought the new baby home and you couldn't handle it. So all this is just a great big temper tantrum. Time to grow up.

Lucifer

[To Gabriel] You disloyal-

Gabriel

Oh I'm loyal. To them.

Lucifer

Who? These, so called gods?

Gabriel

To people, Lucifer. People.

Lucifer

So you're willing to die, for a pile of cockroaches, why?

Gabriel

Because Dad was right. They are better than us.

Lucifer

They are broken! Flawed! Abortions!

Gabriel

Damn right they're flawed... But a lot of 'em try. To do better, to forgive. And you should see the Spearman Rhino. I've been riding the pine a long time, but I'm in the game now. And I'm not on your side, or Michael's. I'm on theirs.

Lucifer

[whispers] Brother, don't make me do this.

Gabriel

No one makes us do anything.

Lucifer

Sam. Come on. I can feel you. Scratching away in there...

Lucifer

Look. I'm gonna take the gag off, okay? You got me all wrong, kiddo. I'm not the bad guy here.

Sam

I'm gonna rip you apart from the inside out. Do you understand me?!

Lucifer

Such anger... Young Skywalker. Who are you really angry with? Me? Or that face in the mirror?

Sam

I'm sure this is all a big joke to you, huh?

Lucifer

Not at all. I've been waiting for you. For a long, long time. Come on, Sam. You have to admit, you can feel it, right?

Sam

What?

Lucifer

The exhilaration. And you know why that is? Because we're two halves made whole. MFEO. Literally.

Sam

It feels pretty damn far from good.

Lucifer

I'm inside your grapefruit, Sam. You can't lie to me. I see it all. How hot you always felt. How... out of place in that family of yours. And why shouldn't you have? They were foster care, at best. I'm your real family.

Sam

No, that's not true.

Lucifer

It is. And I know you know it. All those times you ran away, you weren't running away from them. You were running towards me. This doesn't have to be a bad thing, you know. I let Dean live, didn't I? I wanted him to live. I'll bring your folks back, too. I want you to be happy, Sam.

Sam

I don't want anything from you!

Lucifer

Really? Not even a little payback?

Sam

What's that supposed to mean?

Lucifer

Look closely. None of these little devils look familiar to you?

Sam

That's Mr. Bensmith... One of my grade school teachers...

Lucifer

And that's your friend, Doug, from that time in East Lancing. And Rachel. Your prom date. Sam Winchester, this is your life. Azazel's game. Watching you since you were a Rugrat. Jerking you around, like a dog on a leash. I know how you feel about that. Me, too. So what do you say you and I blow off a little steam?

It's good to see you, Michael.

You, too. It's been too long.

Lucifer

Can you believe it's finally here?

Michael

No. Not really. Are you ready?

Lucifer

As I'll ever be. Part of me wishes we didn't have to do this.

Michael

Yeah. Me, too.

Lucifer

Then why are we?

Michael

Oh, you know why. I have no choice, after what you did.

Lucifer

What I did? What if it's not my fault?

Michael

What's that supposed to mean?

Lucifer

Think about it. Dad made everything, which means he made me who I am. God wanted the Devil!

Michael

So?

Lucifer

So, why? And why make us fight? I just can't figure out the point...

Michael

What's your point?

Lucifer

We're going to kill each other. And for what? One of Dad's tests? We don't even know the answer. We're brothers. Let's just walk off the chess board...

Michael

I'm sorry, I- I can't do that. I'm a good son, and I have my orders.

Lucifer

But you don't have to follow them.

Michael

What, you think I'm gonna rebel? Now? I'm not like you!

Lucifer

Please, Michael

Michael

You know, you haven't changed a bit, little brother. Always blaming everybody but yourself! We were together. We were happy, but you betrayed me, all of us, and you made our Father leave!

Lucifer

No one makes Dad do anything! He's doing this to us!

Michael

You're a monster, Lucifer. And I'm going to kill you.

Lucifer

If that's the way it's gotta be... Then I'd like to see you try.