Rodney McKay quotes from Stargate Atlantis

Dr. McKay

The communiqué's been erased.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Why would the Wraith do that?

Dr. McKay

Well, it says right here, "I, the Wraith, delete this important information to keep you from seeing it."

Dr. Weir

Rodney, slow down. Are you all right?

Dr. McKay

[babbling excitedly] Yes, yes! I mean, I'm... I don't know! I mean, I did take out the guards, they were huge and dumb and stupid and...

Dr. Weir

What guards?

Dr. McKay

Ford's guards! Didn't I mention Ford?!

Dr. Weir

No, you didn't! You haven't mentioned Sheppard, Teyla and Ronon either-

Dr. McKay

YES!!! They were there too, and there were two guards! They were huge, massive and to take them out, I had to inject myself with some of the enzyme...

Dr. Weir

[incredulous] You took some of the enzyme?!

Dr. McKay

Nonononono, I didn't took some of the enzyme, I took a lot of the enzyme because I had to take out the guards do! You should have seen me, I was amazing!!!

Dr. Weir

Are you insane?

Dr. McKay

Yes! Yes! No, I took some of the enzyme, yes!

Dr. Weir

Rodney, focus! Where is Col. Sheppard?

Dr. McKay

NONONO, I HAD TO TAKE THE ENZYME BECAUSE, BECAUSE I HAD TO TAKE OUT THE GUARDS! Elizabeth, the-the point is, we don't have much time! We have to stop that ship and get to know where the ship's going!

Dr. Weir

Come on, come on, let's take a walk to the infirmary-

Dr. McKay

Ooooh, what are you doing? Nonono, I don't want to go to the infirmary! I want to go to the, ummm, the... [collapses]

Dr. Weir

Dr. Beckett, we have an emergency, we're headed for you!

Dr. McKay

Why aren't you dead?

Lt. Col. Sheppard

[irked] It's good to see you too, Rodney.

Dr. McKay

No, no, I mean… well, you know what I mean. Why aren't you… dead?

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Well, I knew when the hives started shooting each other that it was only a matter of time before they blew each other up, so I went to the Spacegate, dialled an address and got out of there.

Teyla

Col. Sheppard was kind enough to make us whole again and we all returned to Atlantis.

Dr. McKay

Just, um, back out if you encounter anything problematic.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Problematic?

Dr. McKay

Yeah, like poisonous atmosphere, acid atmosphere, no atmosphere…. Hey, it's a MALP on a stick; only shows you so much!

Dr. McKay

Explosives expert, huh?

High temperature energetic materials technology. And I can tap dance too. [smiles]

Dr. McKay

Now, as you know, the Zero Point Module controls the flow of massive amounts of power.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Like a dam.

Dr. McKay

No, it's not like a dam, it's more like a ...uh...actually, yes, it's like a dam. If you overload the dam, it breaks, which is why the Ancients put in place failsafes to prevent such a thing from happening.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Like a spillway.

Dr. McKay

Could we just stick with failsafes?

Dr. McKay

Hermiod's going to attempt to remove Col. Caldwell's Goa'uld using Asgard beaming technology.

Dr Beckett

Quite remarkable, actually.

Dr. McKay

And complicated. Well, the calculations are impossibly intricate. You don't want to beam out a chunk of his brain.

Dr. Beckett

Lovely, Rodney.

Dr. McKay

Hey, look who's back! It's Mr. Mom. Fun with the kids?

Dr. Zelenka

[his face is decorated with grass and paintings, struggling to say something] Do not even speak to me! [walks away, with Rodney looking smug]

Dr. McKay

Come on, you're a figment of my imagination. The least you can do is take your top off!

Your subconscious mind knows that I would never be into that.

Dr. McKay

You are the worst hallucination ever.

Dr. McKay

I wonder why we never hooked up.

What, aside from the fact that you're petty, arrogant and treat people badly?

Dr. McKay

...yes.

Nope, that's pretty much it: petty, arrogant, bad with people.

Dr. McKay

Oh. But you do find me attractive?

Let’s stick to working on my idea.

Dr. McKay

No, this is my idea.

How do you figure?

Dr. McKay

Well, you don’t exist. You think what my subconscious tells you to think! So, really the idea was mine. [realizing] Oh, wow! I’m arguing with myself about who had an idea first—me or me. I really am petty, aren’t I?

Dr. McKay

You're—you're not physically here. You can't transfer any heat.

Doesn't mean I can't get you hot!

Dr. McKay

(incredulous) I'm sorry?

Lt. Col. Sheppard

They can't all be planets with cool technology and open-minded women.

Dr. McKay

I don't see why not!

Dr McKay

You two need some very serious marriage counselling.

He’s not my husband, he is the enemy. Drop your weapon.

Now radio security and tell them everything’s fine.

Dr Beckett

Everything’s not fine.

Dr McKay

Security, this is Rodney McKay. Everything’s fine, never been better. Colonel Caldwell was kidding when he said, what he said...

Ah, forget it!

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Well, I look at it this way: the Genii have tried to kidnap you on numerous occasions to mine that big old brain of yours.

Dr. McKay

Yes.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Well, if we get into trouble, I'll just trade your life for mine.

Dr. McKay

Oh, funny.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Don't worry. If you survive, I'll mount some sort of rescue mission… eventually.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

It took Dr. McKay years to figure out all things Ancient and he still doesn't completely understand.

Dr. McKay

[defensively] I have a very firm grasp of Ancient technology.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

You've blown up entire planets, Rodney.

Dr. McKay

That wasn't my fault!

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Well, it didn't do it by itself!

Dr. McKay

And I have, uh, discovered the ship's name. [he looks at his computer tablet] It's the, um, Hippaforalkus.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

The what?

Dr. McKay

Yeah, well, it appears to have been named after an Ancient general, Hippforalkus.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Well, we're not calling it that!

Dr. McKay

Oh good. Then what about, um ...

Lt. Col. Sheppard

And we're not calling it the Enterprise either!