Richard Woolsey quotes from Stargate Atlantis

Woolsey

I've never met an Asgard.

Dr. Weir

You, I think, will love them. They have a wonderful sense of humor.

Woolsey

Really?

Dr. Weir

No.

Woolsey

That seems like a pretty big ship. You’re sure only sending one Jumper up to fend it off is the right thing to do?

It is impossible for them to harm us.

Gen. O'Neill

I could use some enemies like that.

Woolsey

That sounded like another explosion.

Gen. O'Neill

[calmly] Yes. Yes, it did.

Woolsey

What does that mean?

Gen. O'Neill

[he looks at Woolsey in irritation] Something exploded.

Woolsey

That was the worst thing I've ever experienced.

Gen. O'Neill

It gets worse!

Talus

I'm afraid your plan has been discovered, Colonel Sheppard. It is over.

Woolsey

[defensively] He put his hand in my forehead! How can you resist that?!

Gen. O'Neill

Well, I like to close my eyes and think of England.

Gen. O'Neill

Hey! Thanks for the rescue!

Dr. McKay

Oh, hey...no problem.

Gen. O'Neill

No! You should be saying, "Thanks for the rescue!"

Dr. McKay

Oh, ah, right...thanks. Should have you out of there in no time. This won't take long at all.

Dr. McKay

Oh, my...they, they, they've changed the codes.

Woolsey

...But you can crack it, right? You need to get us out of here!

Dr. McKay

Yeah, of course I can...just give me, like, 1...2 seconds.

Gen. O'Neill

...So, I guess that frozen replicator plan didn't pan out!?

Dr. McKay

Yeah...not so much.

Gen. O'Neill

How's that plan "B" workin' for ya? Good?

Dr. McKay

Actually, it's...it's more like, uh, plan "C".

Dr. McKay

...As in C-4, if you catch my drift?

Gen. O'Neill

No.

Dr. McKay

Let's just say that we're concerned that the Daedalus won't be able to carry out your standing orders.

Woolsey

What? To destroy Atlantis with nuclear weapons? I thought we were past that! Why would we be going back to that?

Dr. McKay

Yeah, it's the only way.

Gen. O'Neill

Can you do that?

Dr. McKay

Yeah...If we plant charges in all 10 of the shield emitters before the Daedalus arrives, that way, when the replicators try to activate the shields...

Woolsey

...The C-4 detonates, the Daedalus beams a warhead into the city, and we're all vaporized.

Gen. O'Neill

[Agitated] Sounds more like a plan "F", doesn't it? As in, "We're totally..."

Woolsey

[authoritatively] Well, then. [He hesitates for several seconds, unable to think of anything more to say, then looks at Sheppard.] I think I'll start by going over copies of all your latest reports. [turning to McKay] Yours as well, Doctor.

Dr. McKay

What, right now?

Woolsey

I've been out of touch on the Daedalus for three weeks. I'd like to be brought up to speed as quickly as possible. We can have a full briefing in the morning.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

It's a nice speech. Very inspiring.

Woolsey

But the planet. Suitable for an Alpha site?

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Yeah, perfect. Well, except from the monkey-like creature flying around, but I think we can handle that.

Woolsey

Monkey?

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Yeah, McKay's got some photos. He'll show 'em to ya.

Woolsey

Did you say flying?

Richard Woolsey

Amelia, I think I'm gonna risk heading down to breakfast before they check in. I just mean that it will probably take them some time to get to the camp, and then more time for Nichols to get back to the Gate and report.

Richard Woolsey

There's really no point in my telling you this.

Not really, sir.

Woolsey

Thank you for coming.

Thank you for having us.

Woolsey

(clears his throat) Today is an historic day. Robert Grosseteste once said...

I would like to get started as soon as possible.

Woolsey

Y-yes, of course. But I wanted to recognise...

I have my doubts that your plan will be effective... so shall we drop these unfounded pleasantries and get to work?

Dr. McKay

[wearing Asgard armor] Can you unzip me?

Woolsey

I'll go look for a can opener.

Woolsey

Hello there, Chet.

It's Chuck.

Woolsey

Excuse me?

It's Chuck, sir. My name is Chuck.

Woolsey

Oh, of course! Chuck. Chet's on the late shift.

[after Woolsey leaves, irritated] There is no Chet!

Dr. Zelenka

He could have abandoned whatever resources he had and just gone into hiding.

Dr. McKay

[sarcastically] Oh yes, he probably got a job as a Klingon at Star Trek: The Experience.

Woolsey

That shut down.

Dr. Zelenka

Really? Damn, I wanted to see that.

Woolsey

You're being asked to fly to another galaxy...to take - what might turn out to be the losing part - in a battle that isn't yours.

Ronon

You mean like everyone on this base has been doing for the past five years?

Teyla

Thank you for your consideration, Mr. Woolsey, but I assure you it is not necessary.

Ronon

We're not goin' anywhere.

Woolsey

[proudly] Very well.

Atlantis, this is Stargate Command, do you read?

Colonel, we've been monitoring radio chatter. Several commercial vessels in the North Pacific have reported a giant fireball streaking across the sky.

Atlantis, this is Stargate Command, do you read? (no response, Carter gets desperate) Atlantis, this is Stargate Command, please respond!

Woolsey

Stargate Command, this is Atlantis. Nice to hear from you again, colonel.

Mr. Woolsey, you gave us quite a scare!

Woolsey

Sorry about that. We've completed our reentry and as far as I can tell, we're still in one piece. Dr. Beckett thinks he can bring us in above water, but you might want to alert the navy - it's gonna be close.

Understood.

We are tracking them again! We should be able to project coordinates for splashdown.

Walter, you better get me the President. It looks like Atlantis is coming home...