Rodney McKay quotes from Stargate Atlantis

Lt. Col. Sheppard

How much time do you need to rework the DHD?

Dr. McKay

Well, in a perfect world, two days.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Rodney?

Dr. McKay

Right now, uh, ten minutes, give or take.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

How's it coming, Rodney?

Dr. McKay

Slower than I expected, but faster than humanly possible.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Good, any chance of getting the cloaking generator back on line?

Dr. McKay

Okay, and uh maybe then you want me to make you a nice sandwich?

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Only if it's humanly possible.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Best case scenario?

Dr. McKay

I win a Nobel Prize.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Worst case scenario?

Dr. McKay

We tear a hole in the fabric of the universe. [Sheppard looks horrified] Which is much less likely to happen than the Nobel Prize.

Dr. McKay

Okay, we've been over this. I'm doing it manually, at half power. It's a cakewalk.

Zelenka

I don't think it matters how much cake you walk on.

Dr. Weir

You destroyed three-quarters of a solar system!

Dr. McKay

Five-sixths, but it's not an exact science.

Dr. Weir

Rodney, can you give your ego a rest for one second?!

Is it true? You're going to hunt the Deimos?

Dr. McKay

It looks that way.

I heard it has two heads, and can turn you to stone just by looking at you!

Dr. McKay

[impatient] Well, you heard wrong.

My uncle says it'll come and take me if I don't do my chores.

Dr. McKay

He said that, huh? Well then, if we get rid of it, you've got nothing to worry about. You'll never have to do chores ever again.

Really?!

Lt. Col. Sheppard

McKay, stay here and help Beckett.

Dr. McKay

Medical research isn't really my thing.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

And hunting the Wraith?

Dr. McKay

Uh, I meant I could stay, and... help... Beckett

Dr. McKay

Never could get into Biology. It's too much information about the human body. One time I took it as an undergraduate, I diagnosed myself with half a dozen separate medical conditions before I had to drop the class.

Dr. Beckett

[preoccupied looking through a microscope] Really?

Dr. McKay

Yeah, believe it or not, back then I was a bit of a hypochondriac.

Dr. Beckett

You know, this does require a bit of concentration.

Dr. McKay

[snarky and obnoxious] What? Am I bothering you?

Lt. Col. Sheppard

This really isn't necessary, Doc.

Dr. Beckett

Yes it is, you've got a serious laceration on your arm and you've lost a good deal of blood.

Dr. McKay

Well enjoy the ride, Colonel, they're making me walk.

Dr. Beckett

You have a splinter Rodney.

Dr. McKay

Yeah, a nasty, painful splinter.

Dr. McKay

Maybe we should make a diversion.

Are you volunteering?

Dr. McKay

I'll shut up.

Dr. Beckett

You don't seriously think that's gonna help do ya?

Dr. McKay

Well, when they see your neck before mine, you won't think it's stupid.

Dr. McKay

See, not so stupid now is it?

Dr. Beckett

Oh shut up.

Dr. Weir

When will it arrive?

Dr. McKay

[to himself] Let's see, carry the four. [to Dr. Weir] 42 million years. Shall we go wait on the porch?

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Any way to figure out what they're saying?

Dr. McKay

Yes, of course, it says right here, "Why is the smart one having to stop and answer so many questions?"

Teyla

But is it safe?

Dr. McKay

Would I be volunteering to go if it wasn't?

Ronon

No.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Which is exactly what makes it safe enough for me to go.

Dr. McKay

What?

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Better to have you on the outside, In case something goes wrong.

Dr. McKay

It won't.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

But if it does.

Dr. McKay

It won't. How many times do I have to say this?

Teyla

Rodney. Between the two of you, if something were to go wrong, which would be the greater loss?

Dr. McKay

Well, I've never thought of it that way, but... Hey she's right. You should go.

Dr. McKay

...so when you want to disconnect, you'll need to really concentrate.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

You mean, think it.

Dr. McKay

I think it will probably take a little more that that, otherwise you'd be popping in out of the thing every time it crossed your mind.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

So, "There's no place like home"?

Dr. McKay

If that works for you.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

[Pointing at Trebal, who is a Wraith in disguise] That's the Wraith.

Dr. McKay

She's the Wraith?

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Yeah.

Dr. McKay

Wow, she's hot. I mean seriously hot.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Rodney, you're drooling over a Wraith.

Dr. McKay

I know, I disgust myself sometimes.