Star Trek: Lower Decks quotes

Jack Ransom

[to two Starfleet security officers] Take her away, boys.

Beckett Mariner

What? Why?

Jack Ransom

Because you ignored me when I ordered you to roll down your sleeves. They're against code.

Beckett Mariner

The sleeve thing?! You're an idiot! [she kicks a tray of medical equipment at him]

Jack Ransom

You just earned an extra day in the brig!

Beckett Mariner

Joke's on you, man! I love the brig! I'm going to my favourite place! [she breaks free of the security officers and throws a bedpan at Ransom] Next time, I'm gonna let somebody kill you! I'm gonna dance in your blood! [the security officers drag her out]

Jack Ransom

[perturbed] Ok. That was kind of hot.

…which is why the Boimler Effect is something we will never forget. So named after the laziest, most corner-cutting officer in Starfleet history, Brad Boimler, seen here with one of the great birds of the galaxy. Anyway, let's move on to somebody even more important, perhaps the most important person in Starfleet history, Chief Miles O'Brien.

Captain Carol Freeman

If you ever disrespect me like that again, I'll skip the court martial and blow you out the airlock!

Beckett Mariner

Cool. Well, live long and prosper.

Captain Carol Freeman

Don't you give me that sarcastic Vulcan salute! BECKETT!

D’Vana Tendi

It just- I feel terrible about this… you know.

Don't worry about it. Don't talk to me.

D’Vana Tendi

Anyway, I went and found a Hiverian metronome, and apparently if you just relax, and let it sync to your biorhythm, we can get you back on track and ascending by this afternoon!

You think I can realign a decade of spiritual enlightenment by this afternoon?!

D’Vana Tendi

Tomorrow morning at the latest.

Captain Carol Freeman

Has Mariner submitted her transfer request? I'm going to frame it.

Jack Ransom

She's… having a great time.

Captain Carol Freeman

What?!

Jack Ransom

She's finding little ways to inject joy into otherwise horrible tasks.

Captain Carol Freeman

Then give her worse jobs.

Jack Ransom

I've got her emptying ---- out of the holodeck's ---- filter!

Captain Carol Freeman

… Ugh. People really use it for that?

Jack Ransom

Oh yeah. It's mostly that.

Shaxs

Barstools hurt my back.

Andy Billups

You're not sitting on them right.

Shaxs

Not sitting on them right? I've killed better men for less.

Andy Billups

No, you haven't.

Shaxs

Well, I've threatened to kill better men for about the same.

T'Ana

Hmmmm...

Beckett Mariner

SHE FOLDS! You all fold! Every time, you all fold! You fold!

T'Ana

Don't tell me what to do! … I'm gonna fold.

Ensign Boimler, report to bridge duty at 15:30.

Brad Boimler

Oh, I'll report to bridge duty, and they'll get exactly what they deserve!

What?

Brad Boimler

Uh– Oh, nothing! That was a holodeck. Uh, Moriarty.

Beckett Mariner

You know, I get what you're trying to do here, and it is sick.

Captain Carol Freeman

I'm doing exactly what I need to. It's called being a captain.

Beckett Mariner

No, it's called being a dick.

Captain Carol Freeman

Computer, hit it.

Hitting it.

Is this how your crew treats authority? When it's known I mispronounce things? Are you really making foun of me?!

Brad Boimler

Where's your pip?

Beckett Mariner

I'm pretty good at getting demoted.

Brad Boimler

In the last hour?!

Beckett Mariner

You know, I'm sorry, but I'm starting to think that Barb might not actually exist.

Brad Boimler

Oh, she's real. She's as real as a hopped-up Q on Captain Picard Day.

Sam Rutherford

You know, Kula told me the Vancouver has fluidic processors that self-replicate their own silicas."

D’Vana Tendi

Nuh-uh!

Sam Rutherford

And he said they had tritanium hull brackets, and get this: T88s!

D’Vana Tendi

That can't be right. T88s aren't even out yet.

Sam Rutherford

I know.

D’Vana Tendi

It's a starship, not heaven!

I swore I'd never do long distance, but then I met this goofball on Vendu last month. He radiates a primal confidence. I'm sure you've felt it.

Beckett Mariner

No, I try not to feel anything around Brad.