TV show quotes
Now where did you find this little piece of gradue, Boy's Life?
Journal of the American Medical Association. It's a documented phenomenon.
So is psychic surgery, Fiscus. But I wouldn't want to trust my gallbladder to it.
You still want me to repeat the autopsy?
You're damn right. Nightmare death syndrome of all the lame-Why MacArthur ever wanted to return to the Philippines is beyond me.
This is our last operation together, Victor. I don't want you to assist me anymore.
What?
Look, you're a good surgeon, but ever since I came here, you've been nothing but bad jokes.
What do you mean, bad jokes?
Remember your line about Helen Rosenthal and fun bags?
Yeah, that...
When you're not insensitive, you're offensive. So I have just one suggestion to make. Why don't you do all of mankind a favor? Quit medicine. Take up your true calling, professional phony.
Come on, Bob, why do...
Read my mask, pal. You're out of here.
[Caldwell walks away back to the surgery]
All I said was you drink your bath water.
What's up?
Boy, do you look terrible.
Did you call me out here to tell you that?
Wasn't Ehrlich supposed to be on rounds with you this morning?
Yes, he was. I got a message he's not going to be here. He's involved in some research project.
What is it with these residents? Is every day the Fourth of July? I mean, I need him to assist me in surgery. Kiley dropped out just a minute ago.
Any of you know what project Ehrlich is involved in?
Dream research.
Dream res--- Flim flam, pure and simple. Why do these funding people let the wool be pulled over their eyes using hard earned tax dollars for useless research? I don't even know why you let this Ellis woman have space in the hospital.
Mark, I had nothing to do with it.
Dream research. That kind of malarkey really singes my drawers. Yeah, well, Ehrlich just better be enjoying his dreams while he can, because here comes a living nightmare.
[Chandler stands in his way accidentally]
Can't you see I'm in a hurry?
Hi, Shirley. How are you? I haven't seen much of you lately.
I've been busy.
You dating someone?
No, why?
Well, I don't see you in the cafeteria. You know what? You and I should have lunch one of these days.
Really? During the nurses strike I was persona non grata. Now you've decided all is forgiven?
Oh, Shirley come on. [Helen comforts Shirley] Don't you think it's time to let what happened go? Hmm?
That's easy for you, isn't it, Helen? Forgetting the past, your commitment to others? You're one hell of a role model for the nursing staff.
[Shocked] So... I guess our lunch is off. [Walks to the door]
Drop dead.
Shirley..
[Nurse Daniels shoots the gun]
[Distraught] I'm sorry Dr. Westphall. Just don't come near me.
Don't do this please.
I'm sorry I caused you so much trouble. I know it was wrong for me to kill Peter.
Don't let that mistake take your life, too.
Peter hurt a lot of people
[Morrison runs to approach Shirley. Shirley raises the gun]
STOP! I want to talk to Jack.
[Morrison gets closer to her]
That's close enough. Hi, Jack. [sighs] You ever been up here before?
[Morrison shakes his head no]
Smell the ocean? And look. Look at this. You can see for miles. There's the Pru and the Hancock Tower, and across the Charles, there's Cambridge. God, this is so beautiful! Why didn't I ever come up here before? I'm glad Cathy's on the sixth floor. Have you seen her?
[Morrison nods yes]
I think she's getting better.
Yeah.
All that screaming and blood.
Blood? What blood?
Come on, Jack, you know what I'm talking about, in the ER. Blue-lipped junkies, 13-year-old pregnant girls, legs mangled under motorcycles. I know how special life is. I save lives, and I only took one... so far. You were his friend, Jack! Why didn't you do something?
There was nothing I could do.
You believed him! You believed Peter. Everything he did, you stuck with him, said he always got bad breaks. Well, that didn't give him the right! The world's full of bad breaks.
You're my friend, Shirley. And all that means is I'm willing to share your pain.
You're willing to share this? [Points gun at Morrison]
Shirley, don't, please!
What Peter did was wrong. What you did was wrong, too. And there's nothing that I can do about that. But I'm still here for you.
You look tired.
Yeah, I am. I've been on call for 48 hours.
The hospital will kill ya.
[They hug]
I don't know what it is with you, Boomer. All your patients seem to be going south lately.
Fiscus, why the hell you gotta make a smart remark about everything?
Whoa, Jack, take it easy.
Hey, hey, hey, why don't you shut up! Philip, I don't need you telling me what to do or how to treat my patients. Don't question my medical judgement. Okay? All right? I'm just as good a doctor as either of you.
Fine, so, where'd you put the happy couple?
Oh, up in the fifth floor, in Dr. Craig's office.
[Shocked] Are you crazy?
What, just relax, take it easy. Dr. Craig is out of town, the walls are thick, and the office is private, just trust me, everything will be fine.
[Mortified] Trust you, fine, thick walls, this man's insane, my career's on the line.
[while looking at a X-ray] Come on, Ehrlich, your interest in Mrs. Dowd has more to do with your own testosterone than her husband's endocrines.
Even prisoners have conjugal rights. Why can't hospital patients, okay? This is an important ethical question!
Look, if you were really worried about ethics, you wouldn't be hitting on the guy's wife while he was in traction.
Is that what you think? That I'm some sort of ulterior pig who only cares about getting his ashes Holt?
Took the words right out of my mouth.
Well, you're entitled to your opinion, but I'm not gonna lead Mrs. Dowd in the lurch!
[Chandler and Fiscus are in the lounge watching Ehrlich's latest Health Spot on the evening news, talking over Victor as they make commentary]
Let's say you have an accident of some kind. What happens next? You call an ambulance.
And bribe the driver to take you to Boston General instead of this place.
...where friendly, well-trained doctors will administer up-to-date medical treatment. Waiting is kept to a minimum through modern hospital management techniques that put the needs of the patient first and foremost. From the ER, you'll be whisked up to your room by...
Lovely Carol Merrill, who will take your clothing, rifle through your belongings, and palpate you into submission.
An experienced senior doctor will be directly in charge of your case, and will carefully explain your condition and the length of time you'll be required to stay. Should there be any discomfort involved, modern analgesics are always available.
From dealers loitering in our hallways.
Physical therapy and other hospital services are scheduled at your convenience, and nutritious meals are served promptly from heated carts at your bedside.
He forgot to mention tennis courts and scuba lessons.
...during regularly scheduled visiting hours, and often play a positive role in the healing process.
And when you receive your hospital bill, you'll have a heart attack and be whisked back upstairs by courteous attendants.
Are you as sick of these Health Spots as I am?
...hospital etiquette. Until then, I'm Dr. Victor Ehrlich with another Health Spot.
[Fiscus gets up and turns off the TV]
Dr. Westphall.
Yeah.
I wanted to be the one to tell you.
Tell me what?
Carrolton University Medical School used to be in Mexico.
Jack, excuse me, I've been in surgery all day. Would you mind cluing me in on what you're talking about?
Well, I didn't get accepted to a med school here in the States, so I took a job doing research while taking pharmaceutical training. Carrolton offered a two year program, but when I got there, I found that I could accelerate. So, since I had other training, I took the test.
How long were you at this place?
Six months.
You got two years' credit in six months?
Well, I had to take the test, and the boards, I had a background.
Doesn't make you a doctor, Jack.
Dr. Westphall, I didn't realize what...
Would you excuse us a for a minute, please?
[person walks out]
Thank you.
I didn't realize what I was doing was wrong.
Jack, if it were practical to train a doctor in that amount of time, don't you think we'd do it? Why the hell didn't you tell me? You owe me that much at least, for fighting to keep you here for a second year.
I wasn't... I was afraid. You're disappointed in me.
Yes, I'm disappointed, what the hell do you think?
Well, there must be some way to straighten this out, I mean something you can do.
The mistakes you made here, the misdiagnoses, I believed it was because you were doing your best to function under tremendous personal pressure and now it seems all the errors you made were the result of a grossly inadequate medical education. If I'd had the power, I'd suspend you, you know that?
Well, I'd like to continue with the educational part of my residency, but I'll take myself off cases.
That's a damn good idea.
[Approaching Axelrod and Fiscus about Mrs. Hufnagel] Hey, why is everybody so upset at Florence?
Florence?
Mrs. Hufnagel.
She's got the soul of a motorcycle gang.
I thought she was pleasant.
What can I do for you?
I was out jogging and I think I've done something to this ankle of mine.
All right. Name?
Michael Dukakis.
And your occupation?
Governor.
Governor of what?
Of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts.
Baloney, that's what's his name?
I'm what's his name.
Look, I don't have time for this. Address?
The State House, Boston.
Elliott?
Yeah, yeah?
This phony is for you. Tape up his ankle until his eyes bug out.
[Surprised to see Governor Dukakis] Governor Dukakis, what are you doing here?
I was out running and I...
[Rushes to approach him and escort him to the emergency room] Oh, wait, wait, let me get it. Lean on me, real hard. Okay, come on. We'll get you over there.
Phew, this girl has really been dipped in the ugly pond, you know?
[Dr. Caldwell is disgusted with Ehrlich's comment]
Bobby... Dr. Caldwell, I'm sorry.
You're out.
What's the matter Elliott, your head getting too fat to hold up?
Very funny. I had a close brush with death yesterday in the E.R.
Very little brush.
Hey, Salami!
You've got the wrong guy, pal.
No, it's Warren.
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