Dr. Ehrlich quotes from St. Elsewhere

Dr. Ehrlich

Dr. Craig. Napoleon had nothing on that guy. Every time I just think of him, I get my palms sweaty.

Dr. Ehrlich

[as his beeper goes off] The hours, oh, the hours. I used to fantasize about sex. Now, all I dream about is sleep. Losing my rabbit impulses...

Dr. Ehrlich

[to Dr. Kochar] Thanks a lot, pal. I hope your karma gets stuck in the parking lot.

Dr. Ehrlich

There are five phases to sexual activity: arousal, plateau, orgasm, resolution, and putting on your socks.

Dr. Ehrlich

My Aunt Charisse is in from Forestville, California.

Dr. Morrison

Wine country?

Dr. Ehrlich

What can I say, she's into grapes. She wants to take me out for an evening on the town. Anything I want to do. All I want to do is sleep. How do you ask your aunt to sleep with you?

Dr. Ehrlich

Anything else I can do for you out in the free world?

Dr. Morrison

Drop in on my wife. Tell her I'm alive and being held captive at St. Eligius.

Dr. Fiscus

[referring to his girlfriend Cathy Martin] She's crazy about me! I keep telling her it's only a sexual relationship and nothing more!

Dr. Ehrlich

That's good! Women are suckers for integrity.

Dr. Ehrlich

Hey, I'm sorry I'm late.

Dr. Fiscus

Well, I guess you didn't hear then.

Dr. Ehrlich

Hear? Hear what?

Dr. Fiscus

They recalled your class at Brookline Memorial. Instead of teaching you anatomy, they gave you a course on home heating. The bus leaves for the West Coast about nine o'clock.

I went to a lot of trouble, Ehrlich, and you let me down. Now, I can understand you being nervous or uncomfortable and I've been known to hoist a few in my time but what disappoints me the most is that you are on call today. And I don't think you're capable of doing the work.

Dr. Ehrlich

But I am.

Your responsibility is to your patients, damn it. Twenty four hours a day. I thought you were the brightest. I thought you were the best. Now, I'm not so sure any more. [pause] I'll be down in five minutes. I'll drive you to the hospital. :[Mark exits as Ellen walks towards Ehrlich]

Ellen Craig

Just ignore him, Victor. That's what I do.

[after shooting stereo playing music] I hate rock and roll!!

Dr. Ehrlich

Wipeout....

Ehrlich, I want to talk to you.

Dr. Ehrlich

I'm sorry.

What for?

Dr. Ehrlich

I don't know. Just a conditioned response.

Dr. Ehrlich

[finds Kochar hiding in a supply closet] You just look like my brother did the night before his wedding.

Dr. Kochar

[upset about losing his virginity to Dr. Martin] But for me, there will be no wedding.

Dr. Ehrlich

What do you mean? I rented my sari!

Dr. Kochar

Sorry.

[gushing] I can hardly verbalize it, but ever since the transplant, just the thought of Doctor Craig makes my eyes moist.

Dr. Ehrlich

[sarcastic] Your eyes?

Nurse Rosenthal

[as Dr. Caldwell is limping in the hallway] Ladies and gentlemen, Hoot Gibson!

Thanks, Helen!

Dr. Ehrlich

Dr. Caldwell...

Dr. Caldwell

Victor, I don't know if you're coming back for a second year so don't ask.

Dr. Ehrlich

It just so happens I wanna do you a big favor.

Dr. Caldwell

Yeah. What's that?

Dr. Ehrlich

I wanna give some advice on how to keep under control so your sutures will stay in place.

Dr. Caldwell

Mind your own business, Victor.

Dr. Ehrlich

I just wanna help. I know what you're going through. Everybody's gotta wind the watch once in a while.

Dr. Caldwell

Bye, Victor.

Dr. Ehrlich

Okay. [Shaking his head] Gives me the willies.

Dr. Ehrlich

Oh, Dr. Craig.

What is it, Ehrlich?

Dr. Ehrlich

I've got a problem.

Only one, huh? After your haphazard, clumsy, inexcusable performance in the OR today, I'm convinced that you may be here in body, but your mush brains are still on vacation.

Dr. Ehrlich

Fine, well Dr. Swayles...

Who?

Dr. Ehrlich

Exactly! He's got admitting privileges here, and I've been assigned one of his patients. You know, I've tried to reach him without any luck. Mrs. Sado's conditioning is deteriorating, and I've got to change her meds fast.

Then do it!

Dr. Ehrlich

I can't change his orders. He's an attending and I'm only a resident.

You're also a moron. When a human life is in the balance, protocol goes out the window. Do I make myself understood?

Dr. Ehrlich

Yes, sir.

And Ehrlich, I appreciate the fact that you don't wear shorts.

Dr. Ehrlich

My legs, sir, never.