Dr. Fiscus quotes from St. Elsewhere

Dr. Fiscus

[looking around hospital mortuary] It's hard to be comfortable in a room where everybody else is so stiff.

Dr. Fiscus

Ehrlich, sitting on concrete, holding a stick with a string dangling in the water and ducking into the woods every time a cop car passes is not fun. Cardiac arrest in the middle of REM sleep, that's fun. Ah, a wino with an EEG of two spikes, that's fun.

Dr. Fiscus

Dr. Cavanero, I see you're working the halls like everyone else. [gesturing to prostitutes gathered in the hallway] Don't get caught under any red lights.

Dr. Fiscus

Ehrlich, you know what they say about falling off a horse? The same thing goes for a woman.

Dr. Fiscus

My metabolism thrives on discontent. Inactivity breeds discontent.

Dr. Fiscus

Dr. Samuels has VD. Word is he's infected half the staff, Wendy.

Dr. Armstrong

Don't look at me. I never went out with him.

Dr. Fiscus

That's what they all say.

Dr. Fiscus

[referring to his girlfriend Cathy Martin] She's crazy about me! I keep telling her it's only a sexual relationship and nothing more!

Dr. Ehrlich

That's good! Women are suckers for integrity.

Dr. White

We're lucky to have Auschlander around to discuss these things.

Dr. Fiscus

Yeah, it's like Marie Antoinette talking about the inner mechanism of the guillotine.

Dr. Fiscus

Henry Kissinger said it was power... The Marquis de Sade favored whips and chains... Samuels claims it's a thirty to one shot at Suffolk Downs... And speaking for myself and the Urban Psychiatric Institute, the greatest aphrodisiac in the history of Man is high heels.

Baloney!

Dr. Fiscus

That ranks second.

Dr. Ehrlich

Hey, I'm sorry I'm late.

Dr. Fiscus

Well, I guess you didn't hear then.

Dr. Ehrlich

Hear? Hear what?

Dr. Fiscus

They recalled your class at Brookline Memorial. Instead of teaching you anatomy, they gave you a course on home heating. The bus leaves for the West Coast about nine o'clock.

You know something, you're a jerk!

Dr. Fiscus

Actually, I'm Lithuanian.

Dr. Daniels

Fiscus, put on your apron! You got a customer.

Dr. Fiscus

Clients, Daniels. Butchers have customers, physicians have clients.

Dr. Daniels

That's what I mean.

Dr. Fiscus

Any communicable diseases?

What would you like?

Dr. Beale

Fiscus is regaling us with malpractice horror stories.

Dr. Fiscus

And they're all true.

Dr. Chandler

How come, in all these stories, the hospital never wins?

Dr. Fiscus

Those are the dull ones.

Dr. Cavanero

What's the problem?

Dr. Fiscus

Nothing we can't handle.

Dr. Cavanero

Good, just cut out the bickering.

Dr. Armstrong

Look, she is a loaner, groaner, and there's no reason to tie up a bed.

Dr. Fiscus

Chronic hypochondriasis?

Dr. Armstrong

That's my diagnosis.

Dr. Fiscus

Huh, you covered your rear end. That's always been your greatest strength.