Dr. Caldwell quotes from St. Elsewhere

Nurse Rosenthal

[as Dr. Caldwell is limping in the hallway] Ladies and gentlemen, Hoot Gibson!

Thanks, Helen!

Dr. Ehrlich

Dr. Caldwell...

Dr. Caldwell

Victor, I don't know if you're coming back for a second year so don't ask.

Dr. Ehrlich

It just so happens I wanna do you a big favor.

Dr. Caldwell

Yeah. What's that?

Dr. Ehrlich

I wanna give some advice on how to keep under control so your sutures will stay in place.

Dr. Caldwell

Mind your own business, Victor.

Dr. Ehrlich

I just wanna help. I know what you're going through. Everybody's gotta wind the watch once in a while.

Dr. Caldwell

Bye, Victor.

Dr. Ehrlich

Okay. [Shaking his head] Gives me the willies.

Dr. Caldwell

This is our last operation together, Victor. I don't want you to assist me anymore.

Dr. Ehrlich

What?

Dr. Caldwell

Look, you're a good surgeon, but ever since I came here, you've been nothing but bad jokes.

Dr. Ehrlich

What do you mean, bad jokes?

Dr. Caldwell

Remember your line about Helen Rosenthal and fun bags?

Dr. Ehrlich

Yeah, that...

Dr. Caldwell

When you're not insensitive, you're offensive. So I have just one suggestion to make. Why don't you do all of mankind a favor? Quit medicine. Take up your true calling, professional phony.

Dr. Ehrlich

Come on, Bob, why do...

Dr. Caldwell

Read my mask, pal. You're out of here.

Dr. Ehrlich

All I said was you drink your bath water.

Dr. Caldwell

[while looking at a X-ray] Come on, Ehrlich, your interest in Mrs. Dowd has more to do with your own testosterone than her husband's endocrines.

Dr. Ehrlich

Even prisoners have conjugal rights. Why can't hospital patients, okay? This is an important ethical question!

Dr. Caldwell

Look, if you were really worried about ethics, you wouldn't be hitting on the guy's wife while he was in traction.

Dr. Ehrlich

Is that what you think? That I'm some sort of ulterior pig who only cares about getting his ashes Holt?

Dr. Caldwell

Took the words right out of my mouth.

Dr. Ehrlich

Well, you're entitled to your opinion, but I'm not gonna lead Mrs. Dowd in the lurch!

Dr. Caldwell

[Approaching Axelrod and Fiscus about Mrs. Hufnagel] Hey, why is everybody so upset at Florence?

Dr. Axelrod

Florence?

Dr. Caldwell

Mrs. Hufnagel.

Dr. Fiscus

She's got the soul of a motorcycle gang.

Dr. Caldwell

I thought she was pleasant.

Dr. Ehrlich

Phew, this girl has really been dipped in the ugly pond, you know?

Dr. Ehrlich

Bobby... Dr. Caldwell, I'm sorry.

Dr. Caldwell

You're out.