J. Jonah Jameson quotes from Spider-Man

Brock

Boss, if I'm wrong I'll... I'll... I'll eat today's issue of the Bugle.

J. Jonah Jameson, what brings you here this morning?

You want it cooked or raw?

Wait a minute, are you telling me Spider-Man is just some goofy kid? That's unbelievable.

How can anything be unbelievable to a guy who publishes a tabloid?

How 'bout that. I'm in too places at once.

This one's the real deal lady. After all this time I can practically smell him. Which means Eddie Brock just made my whole company look like jerks.

Not hard to do.

Why you web slinging clown, how... [gets cut off by Aunt May]

Brock

But you don't understand.

You want understanding? See a shrink.

Now let's see who's under that mask.

Hey, hold it! When was the last time you washed your hands?

Hey! What's this, Smythe?!

It's obvious. It wants a mate. And you're the lucky guy.

What are you? Nuts?

You have to ask?

If you let me go, I can fund your research! Set up a lab!

Forget it, J.J. He's not playing with a full deck. Oh! You should understand that!

Can't you pry this thing off?

You want a trial separation already. I understand, but I'm hurt.

Get up, Jameson. We don't have much time to track those slayers before they get to Thompson, Brock, and Osborn.

Look at this, you're severely bruising my wrist.

Coyotes caught in traps chew through their own legs. You could try that.

Okay, smart-mouth. What if I decide to sit here and not go anywhere.

Look bright eyes! Until I can figure out how to get this bomb off of us you're coming along for the ride. So fasten your safety belt.

Mysterio

[appears in a swirl of smoke] Don't be afraid! I'm here to help! I am Mysterio, and I am putting Spider-Man on notice! There's no place you'll be able to hide, and nowhere you can run!

Far as I'm concerned, you're just another creep in a costume. What can you do?

Mysterio

I was hoping you'd ask. [laughs and detaches his helmet from his body - with no face visible underneath - to everyone's amazement except Peter's]

[snapping a photo] Pfft! Cheap parlor trick.

Mysterio

I guarantee you I'll catch Spider-Man, but I want all you bigshot media people there to record it! And now that I've started things rolling... [disappears; a basketball appears and bounces into Jameson's hands] don't drop the ball. [ball turns into his helmet] Got it?

The red button. I'll bet my web-shooter that's emergency shutdown. Trust me, it's always the red button.

How do you know about stuff like this?

Hey, who do I look like? The Tick?

I'm gonna crush you now!

Oh, yeah? Well, it just so happens, I like to start each day with a warm hug! Oh, who am I kidding? Everything's going black.

You gotta be nuts, mister. Why would you risk your puny life to save his?

Because you're a greater evil. And heaven help me, he's the only one who can stop you.

Huh? Did I hear right? J. Jonah Jameson is on my side?

I still won't rest until you've been unmasked and eliminated.

Fair enough, pickle-puss. And I won't rest until you shave that stupid mustache, so we're even! Oh, and fuzz-head? Thanks for saving my life.

Robbie where the heck are you? The airline says your plane let out hours ago. What happened to you?

How does "I was kidnapped by a crazed big game hunter" grab ya J.J.

Thanks to your photos, we got the web-slinger dead to rights.

Eddie Brock

I told you I could do the job, J.J. [Spider-man arrives through the window]

Oh, You did a job alright, on me.

Eddie Brock

Spider-Man!

Think you can hide in some cockamamie new costume?

Oh, I've got nothing to hide, pickle puss. Especially from a couple of second-rate hacks like you.

Eddie Brock

Yeah, well pictures don't lie. [Spider-Man angrily grabs Brock's jacket]

But, YOU do!

Eddie Brock

What're you talkin' about? I-I know what I saw.

You didn't see me take the Prometheum X. [Jameson backs away and press the silent security alarm under his desk]

Eddie Brock

Who else could've taken it?

What about the clown in the rhino costume, punk?

A rhino? I think that new suit's cutting off the oxygen to your brain. [Spider-man turns around and grabs Jameson by his tie]

[snarling] If you don't call off that reward, I'm gonna- [group of security guards comes bursting in through the door]

Don't even think about it.

[amused] Who needs to think? [throws Jameson's desk at the security guards]

Hey!

Watch it!

Look out! [Spider-Man leaves out the window]

[normal voice] I almost lost it again back there.

As bad as he was before, in that suit, he's even worse.