TTyres
Are we happy?
Are we happy.
TTyres
Excellent. Mine's a pint of the black stuff.
(scoffs) You can't drink a pint of Bovril.
S2 E4Help
S2 E5Gone
Right, I'm off for a night of running about in the dark with a gun, so you've got to stay here and be good for your Uncle Michael. [To Colin, while polishing his glasses] Settle down, relax and get comfy, because you my friend... are going nowhere. [Looks down to see that Colin is gone; in a whimpering tone:] Oh, bollocks!
[On realizing who Duane is]
You're Duane. The Duane Duane.
Duane Benzie.
The Duane Benzie that... [Whistles]
Stole my girlfriend.
Well, that depends on which way you look at it.
I think that Tim looks at it that way.
Yes, I do.
I haven't seen you since...
Yeah, well. No hard feelings, eh?
You shot me in the bollocks, Tim.
Like I said. No hard feelings.
[Having stolen Tim's house keys]
At last, I will emerge as the victor. At last, I will have... revenge.
RTRomford Thug
This ain't grass.
RTRomford Thug Leader
What?
RTRomford Thug
It's oregano.
RTRomford Thug Leader
How can you tell?
RTRomford Thug
I'm a catering student.
[After crashing with the Romford thugs]
[To the leader] You bloody idiot! Have you any idea how much this car cost? Why don't you piss off back to Romford where you belong. You little prick! Eh? Eh?
[He turns; the others have sneaked up behind him, like the Raptors in Jurassic Park.]
[Darkly] Clever boys.
[The thugs give Duane a good kicking]
S2 E7Leaves
[Tim, Mike and Brian are trying to persuade Marsha not to sell the house]
Okay, listen. When we get there, let me do the talking, okay? I am the only one here capable of serious communication. [Instantly regretful] Sorry, sorry! That sounded bad. I didn't mean to suggest that you're not good communicators, okay Mike?
[Mike grunts non-verbally]
Brian?
[Brian whimpers non-verbally]
Marsha, they say the family of the twenty-first century is made up of friends, not relatives. If that's true, then you're the best auntie I've ever had.
Aren't you going to ask us how it went?
How did it go?
Really badly.
Colin's gone.
What?
He went next door.
Oh, Daisy, I'm so sorry. How did it happen?
[Bemused]... He walked.
Right, right, sorry. See, my mum used to use "going next door" as a euphemism for being dead.
Whoa, hold on, does that mean my rabbit's dead?
It's been eighteen years, Mike, where did you think he was?
[whimpers] Next door!
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