You're so damaged; just because Sarah hurt you, you feel justified in wreaking your petty vengeance on womankind.
Yes... yes... and I'd do it again, I tell you, I'd do it again in an instant! [Laughs manically then jumps out of the window]
“Battles” · Season 1, Episode 4
In this episode: Tim Bisley (6), Daisy Steiner (3), Mike Watt (3), Brian Topp (2), Duane Benzie (2), Twist (1)
Can I borrow a tea-bag?
[sarcastically] Only if you bring it back. [pauses] You can HAVE a tea-bag, Brian, you can't borrow one.
What are you playing?
Tomb Raider 3.
She's drowning.
Yeah.
Is that the point of the game?
Depends what mood you're in really.
What sort of mood are you in then?
Well, I got a letter from my ex-girlfriend this morning, 3 months too late, explaining why she dumped me. It was full of 'you'll always be special' and 'I'll always love you' platitudes designed to make me feel better whilst simultaneously appeasing her deep seated sense of guilt for dumping me, running off with a slimy little city boy called Duane and destroying my faith in everything which is good and pure.
So it didn't really work then.
No, it made me wanna drown things! [turns around, sees Brian dressed as a painting] You've got paint on you.
It's a literal tribute to the self reflexivity of Rembrandt.
Did he like it?
He's dead.
Bloody hell, that really backfired.
C'mon, Colin! We're taking you away from this place.
Colin?
That's what I called my box.
PPPaintball player
Gosh, this is so exciting!
This your first time, kid?
PPPaintball player
I'm thirty-six.
This your first time, old man?
PPPaintball player
Yeah. I've always fancied myself as a bit of a soldier.
Yeah, I've always fancied myself.
I've always fancied you...
[quickly] Not here!
PPPaintball player
You've done this before, then?
You could say that.
PPPaintball player
What do you mean?
Well, let's just say the last time I was in this situation, I wasn't using a paintball gun.
PPPaintball player
[in awe] You've seen combat?
Yes, yes I have.
PPPaintball player
Where?
Umm, on the television!
PPPaintball player
But you just said the last time you were in this situation you didn't use a paintball gun!
He didn't.
PPPaintball player
Well, what did you use?
Erm, it was a big stick...?
[About Duane]
He's made this personal.
I thought he made it personal when he slept with your girlfriend.
Well, he's made it more personal.
I don't think it gets much more personal than sleeping with your girlfriend, Tim.
You know what they say about love and war.
Yeah, one involves a lot of physical and psychological pain and the other one's war.
See, Tim, that's the difference between you and I. Organization. Careful thinking. Forward planning. And that is why I sleep in the arms of a beautiful woman and you spend your evenings alone in your bedsit. With cheap porn.
It's not a bedsit. It's a flat. [Shoots Duane in the groin] Yes! [Turns and sees Mike on the ground] No Mike! Mike! Oh Jesus no! [Mike throws up paint out of his mouth] MEDIC!
Is that you Tim?
Yeah I'm here, man; just hold on, hold on!
I'm tired, Tim.
Just err... everything's going to be fine I promised. [Cries] I'm sorry I said those things, I just... wasn't thinking straight.
I can say some pretty stupid things myself sometimes.
No, Mike, I'm the stupid one. I've always been the stupid one. [Mike smiles] What are you laughing at?
I guess I got to be the hero after all.
Yeah, I guess you did.
I've gotta— I've gotta sleep.
No no, Mike, stay with me.
So tired, so tired. Goodbye old friend.
No, Mike! [Mike appears to die from his paintball injuries] NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
So where is he then? The little dog? [Daisy squeaks and points at Brian] The headband, isn't it? Makes me look stupid?
[whimpering] Colin...!
...No, Daisy, it's me, Brian...
I think you're sitting on my dog....
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