Brian and Tim in “Battles”

Can I borrow a tea-bag?

[sarcastically] Only if you bring it back. [pauses] You can HAVE a tea-bag, Brian, you can't borrow one.

What are you playing?

Tomb Raider 3.

She's drowning.

Yeah.

Is that the point of the game?

Depends what mood you're in really.

What sort of mood are you in then?

Well, I got a letter from my ex-girlfriend this morning, 3 months too late, explaining why she dumped me. It was full of 'you'll always be special' and 'I'll always love you' platitudes designed to make me feel better whilst simultaneously appeasing her deep seated sense of guilt for dumping me, running off with a slimy little city boy called Duane and destroying my faith in everything which is good and pure.

So it didn't really work then.

No, it made me wanna drown things! [turns around, sees Brian dressed as a painting] You've got paint on you.

It's a literal tribute to the self reflexivity of Rembrandt.

Did he like it?

He's dead.

Bloody hell, that really backfired.