[Biff and Bull approach the Queen's car]
BBiff
Now what?! She's in there! The old lady with the jewels, remember? And we are gonna steal 'em.
BBiff
We simply uncouple that car, and the rest of the train speeds away, which leaves us here alone with the jewels.
BBiff
By all means, please! Proceed!
I don't know why I'm always the one that has to do all the real work around here!
[he reaches for the coupling and detaches it; the rest of the train takes off with the thieves in tow, leaving the Queen's car behind]
BBiff
Great! Now, we jump for it!
Jump?! Whattaya mean jump?!
BBiff
The car with the jewels! It's gettin' away!
BBiff
Too late! [smacks his partner] Now look what you've done!
What I done?! It was your idea!
BBiff
Hey! At least I got an idea, peabrain! [stares at the abandoned car] Look at it! It's gettin' away!
[Biff and Bull find Schemer about to part with the handbag full of jewelry]
BBiff
Nice suitcase, pal.
[Schemer, in surprise, snaps the bag shut on his hand]
BBiff
I said I like your suitcase!
Oh, thank you very much. It is nice, isn't it?
BBiff
What it is, see,-- We're detectives. Private eyes. And we're on the trail of some hot rocks!
BBiff
Stolen jewelry, diamonds, pearls-- Stuff like that. We're after a lady with an English accent. She stole 'em, see? She's what we call the perp. You seen her around?
No, I have not! I don't know any English perps! Can't help you there. No can do.
[he and Biff reach for the bag]
Stacy! Stacy! [smacks the thieves] Get away from me, you!
[enters with a baseball bat] Schemer, are you all right?!
[Biff and Bull stop and look up at her]
Can I help you, gentlemen?
BBiff
G'day, ma'am. We're detectives.
BBiff
And I was wondering,...
You see, your friend there has somethin' that belongs to us, and we'd like it back.
[points at the thieves] Bad men! Bad men!
Do you have something to prove that you're real detectives? A badge, some identification, something like that?
[the thieves ponder]
BBiff
A badge, huh? What it is, see,-- We don't hafta tell you who we are, because we are undercover.
Oh. Well, this is my station. And unless you can prove that you're real detectives,...
No, no, no, no, no, no. Like he said, see, we're under-the-covers.
Oh. Well, I suggest that you leave.
[Biff and Bull laugh]
Who's gonna make us leave, huh? What, you?
[holds up her bat] That's right! [inches toward Biff and Bull] Now, this happens to be my station. I am the station manager. And I'm not gonna ask you one more time... to leave this station!
BBiff
[intimidated] We'll be back, pal! We'll be back!
[he and Bull retreat]
[mockingly] "We'll be back, pal! We'll be back!" Run! Run! Run, you little chickens! Run! [laughs] You and me, Jonesy.
Schemer, what was that all about? What's an English perp?
No, no, no, no, no, no. A Schemer burp. [burps; gasps] Excuse me, Miss Jones! [apologetically] Excuse me, Miss Jones. Excuse me.
[he sets off]
[exasperatedly] Oh, Schemer.
[Biff and Bull build a smoke bomb]
[Bull hands him an old pair of sneakers; Biff adds them to the mixture]
[Bull hands him an old pair of socks to add to the mixture]
[he holds out his hand, but Bull stays still]
BBiff
I said rotten broccoli. Hey! [hands his partner a clothespin] I told you to wear one of these, ya dope!
[Bull puts the clothespin on his nose]
BBiff
Now, rotten broccoli.
[hands him an old head of broccoli] It's so gross!
BBiff
Well, of course it's gross! It's supposed to be gross. [adds the broccoli to the mixture] When this stink bomb goes off that that talent show, those jewels are gonna be ours!
[both men laugh maniacally and continue preparing the smoke bomb]
Shining Time Station · 68 quotes
