[Biff and Bull find Schemer about to part with the handbag full of jewelry]
Goodbye, jewels.
Nice suitcase, pal.
[Schemer, in surprise, snaps the bag shut on his hand]
I said I like your suitcase!
Oh, thank you very much. It is nice, isn't it?
Just hand it over, mac.
What it is, see,-- We're detectives. Private eyes. And we're on the trail of some hot rocks!
Hot rocks?
Stolen jewelry, diamonds, pearls-- Stuff like that. We're after a lady with an English accent. She stole 'em, see? She's what we call the perp. You seen her around?
No, I have not! I don't know any English perps! Can't help you there. No can do.
Just give it here.
[he and Biff reach for the bag]
Stacy! Stacy! [smacks the thieves] Get away from me, you!
[enters with a baseball bat] Schemer, are you all right?!
[Biff and Bull stop and look up at her]
Can I help you, gentlemen?
G'day, ma'am. We're detectives.
Yeah, private eyes.
And I was wondering,...
You see, your friend there has somethin' that belongs to us, and we'd like it back.
Schemer?
[points at the thieves] Bad men! Bad men!
Do you have something to prove that you're real detectives? A badge, some identification, something like that?
[the thieves ponder]
Identification...
A badge, huh? What it is, see,-- We don't hafta tell you who we are, because we are undercover.
Oh. Well, this is my station. And unless you can prove that you're real detectives,...
No, no, no, no, no, no. Like he said, see, we're under-the-covers.
Oh. Well, I suggest that you leave.
[Biff and Bull laugh]
Who's gonna make us leave, huh? What, you?
[holds up her bat] That's right! [inches toward Biff and Bull] Now, this happens to be my station. I am the station manager. And I'm not gonna ask you one more time... to leave this station!
[intimidated] We'll be back, pal! We'll be back!
[he and Bull retreat]
[mockingly] "We'll be back, pal! We'll be back!" Run! Run! Run, you little chickens! Run! [laughs] You and me, Jonesy.
Schemer, what was that all about? What's an English perp?
No, no, no, no, no, no. A Schemer burp. [burps; gasps] Excuse me, Miss Jones! [apologetically] Excuse me, Miss Jones. Excuse me.
[he sets off]
[exasperatedly] Oh, Schemer.
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