Sherlock Holmes[on the phone] Lestrade? We've had a break-in at Baker Street. Send your least irritating officers and an ambulance. Oh, no-no-no-no, we're fine. No, it's the burglar. He's got himself rather badly injured. Oh, a few broken ribs, fractured skull, suspected punctured lung. He fell out of a window.
[Cuts to Mrs Hudson's downstairs flat, where John is cleaning her face]
Oh, it stings. [Neilson falls past the window and crashes on top of a dumpster] Oh, that was right on my bins. [Neilson is heard groaning in agony]
[Cuts to police officers and paramedics congregating outside as an ambulance leaves and Sherlock stands by Lestrade on the sidewalk]
DLDI Lestrade
And exactly how many times did he fall out the window?
Sherlock Holmes
Oh, it's all a bit of a blur, Detective Inspector. I lost count.
[After Mrs Hudson has been attacked]
She'll have to sleep upstairs in our flat tonight. We need to look after her.
Sherlock Holmes
Nonsense, she's fine.
No she's not, look at her! She's got to take some time away from Baker Street. She can go and stay with her sister. [To Mrs Hudson] Doctor's orders.
Sherlock Holmes
Don't be absurd.
She's in shock, for God's sake, and all over some bloody stupid camera phone! Where is it, anyway?
Sherlock Holmes
Safest place I know.
[Mrs Hudson pulls the phone out from the front of her blouse]
You left it in the pocket of your second best dressing gown, you clot. [Hands the phone to Sherlock] I managed to sneak it out when they thought I was having a cry.
Sherlock Holmes
Thank you. Shame on you, John Watson!
Sherlock Holmes
Mrs Hudson, leave Baker Street? England would fall!
Sherlock Holmes
Please don't feel obliged to tell me that was remarkable or amazing, John's expressed that in every possible variant available to the English language.
I would have you, right here, on this desk, until you begged for mercy twice.
[A long silence in which Sherlock and Irene maintain eye contact]
Sherlock Holmes
...John, please can you check those flight schedules, see if I'm right?
[Looking stunned]...I'm on it, yeah.
Sherlock Holmes
...I've never begged for mercy in my life.
Sherlock Holmes
Sentiment is a chemical defect found in the losing side.
Sentiment? What are you talking about?
Sherlock Holmes
You'
Oh, dear God. Look at the poor man. You don't actually think I was interested in you? Why? Because you're the great Sherlock Holmes, the clever detective in the funny hat?
Sherlock Holmes
No...[Takes her hand and leans in to whisper] because I took your pulse. Elevated. Your pupils dilated. I imagine John Watson thinks love’s a mystery to me, but the chemistry is incredibly simple and very destructive. When we first met, you told me that a disguise is always a self-portrait, how true of you, the combination to your safe – your measurements. [Holds up her phone] But this, this is far more intimate. This is your heart, and you should never let it rule your head. [He starts entering digits] You could have chosen any random number and walked out of here today with everything you worked for. But you just couldn't resist it, could you? I've always assumed that love is a dangerous disadvantage. Thank you for the final proof.
[She grabs his hand, desperate. Tears are starting to form]
Everything I said. It's not real. I was just playing the game.
Sherlock Holmes
I know. And this is just losing.
[He holds up her phone, having finally deduced her password. It reads I AM S-H-E-R LOCKED]
[Sherlock bursts into the room, covered in blood, brandishing a harpoon]
Sherlock Holmes
Well that was tedious.
You went on the Tube like that?
Sherlock Holmes
None of the cabs would take me.
[Sherlock has just insulted Mrs. Hudson; she's run off in tears]
Go after her and apologise.
Sherlock Holmes
Apologise? Oh John, I envy you so much.
Sherlock Holmes
Your mind; it's so placid, straight-forward, barely used. Mine's like an engine, racing out of control; a rocket tearing itself to pieces, trapped on the launchpad... I need a case!
You just solved one! By harpooning a dead pig, apparently!
Sherlock Holmes
Oh, that was this morning. When's the next one?
Nothing on the website? [Sherlock stands and hands John a laptop showing a message on "the Science of Deduction" website]
Sherlock Holmes
"Dear Mr. Sherlock Holmes, I can't find Bluebell anywhere. Please, please, please can you help?"
Sherlock Holmes
A rabbit, John!
Sherlock Holmes
Ah but there's more; before Bluebell disappeared it turned luminous like a fairy according to little Kirsty, then the next morning Bluebell was gone! Hutch still locked, no sign of a forced entry. [gasps] What am I saying? This is brilliant. Phone Lestrade, tell him there's an escaped rabbit.
Sherlock Holmes
It's this or Cluedo.
Ah, no! We are never playing that again.
Sherlock Holmes
Why not?
Because it's not actually possible for the victim to have done it, Sherlock, that's why!
Sherlock Holmes
It was the only possible solution!
Sherlock Holmes
Well then the rules are wrong! [Doorbell rings]
Sherlock Holmes
Maximum pressure, just under a half-second.
[After Sherlock does his signature scan on Henry Knight]
HKHenry Knight
How on earth did you notice all that?
Sherlock Holmes
Punched out holes where your ticket's been changed...
Sherlock Holmes
Oh, please. I've been cooped up here for ages.
Sherlock Holmes
Of course. I am a show-off, that's what we do.
Sherlock Holmes
Look at me. I'm afraid, John. Afraid.
Sherlock Holmes
I've always been able to keep myself distant. Divorce myself from feelings. But you see, body's betraying me. Interesting, yes? Emotions... grit on the lens, the fly in the ointment.
All right, Spock, just take it easy.
Sherlock Holmes
Listen, what I said before John, I meant it. I don't have friends; I've just got one.
[Nods] Right. [Continues walking away]
Sherlock Holmes
[Calling after him] John? John! [Running after him] You are amazing, you are fantastic!
Yes, alright, don't have to overdo it.
Sherlock Holmes
Totally scientific. Laboratory conditions. Quite literally...
[Flashback to Sherlock monitoring John as he runs from the 'hound' earlier in the episode]
[whispering] He's in here with me...
Sherlock Holmes
Alright, keep talking. I'll find you. [pause] Keep talking!
I can't, he'll hear me...
Sherlock Holmes
Tell me what you're seeing!
[Sherlock puts his phone to a mic and sends a vicious dog snarl over the intercom.]
[Shuddering] I don't know, but I can hear it...
Sherlock
[In the present] I knew what effect it had on a superior mind so I needed to try it on an average one. [John stops eating and looks up, insulted.] You know what I mean.
Sherlock · 206 quotes
