Molly Hooper quotes from Sherlock

Molly Hooper

[to Mycroft]: How did Sherlock recognise her from -- not her face?

Sherlock Holmes

[Unzips a body-bag, smiles at what he sees] How fresh?

Molly Hooper

Just in. 67. Natural causes. He used to work here. I knew him, he was nice.

Sherlock Holmes

Fine. We'll start with the riding crop.

Molly Hooper

Bad day, was it?

Sherlock Holmes

I need to know what bruises form in the next twenty minutes. A man's alibi depends on it. Text me.

Molly Hooper

Listen, I was wondering. Maybe later when you're finished—

Sherlock Holmes

You're wearing lipstick. You weren't wearing lipstick before.

Molly Hooper

I, uh, I refreshed it a bit.

Sherlock Holmes

[beat] Sorry. You were saying?

Molly Hooper

I was wondering if you'd like to have coffee?

Sherlock Holmes

Black, two sugars please. I'll be upstairs.

Molly Hooper

...Okay.

John

[Looking around at the morgue's lab equipment] Bit different from my day.

You've no idea.

Sherlock

Mike, can I borrow your phone? There's no signal on mine.

And what's wrong with the landline?

Sherlock

I prefer to text.

Sorry, it's in my coat.

John

Er, here, use mine.

Sherlock

Oh, thank you.

This is an old friend of mine, John Watson.

Sherlock

Afghanistan or Iraq?

John

Sorry?

Sherlock

Which one was it? In Afghanistan or Iraq?

John

Afghanistan. Sorry, how did you...?

Sherlock

Ah, Molly, coffee, thank you. What happened to the lipstick?

Molly

It wasn't working for me.

Sherlock

Really? I thought it was a big improvement. Your mouth's too small now.

Molly

...Okay.

Sherlock

How do you feel about the violin?

John

I'm sorry, what?

Sherlock

I play the violin when I'm thinking and sometime I don't talk for days on end. Would that bother you? Potential flatmates should know the worst about each other.

John

You told him about me?

Not a word.

John

Then who says anything about flatmates?

Sherlock

I did. Told Mike this morning I must be a difficult man to find a flatmate for. Now here he is, just after lunch, with an old friend clearly just home from military service in Afghanistan. Wasn't a difficult leap.

John

How did you know about Afghanistan?

Sherlock

Got my eyes on a nice little place in central London, we ought to be able to afford it. We'll meet there tomorrow evening seven o'clock. Sorry, got to dash, I think I left my riding crop in the mortuary.

John

Is that it?

Sherlock

Is that what?

John

We've only just met, and we're going to go and look at a flat?

Sherlock

Problem?

John

We don't know a thing about each other. I don't know where we're meeting, I don't even know your name.

Sherlock

I know you're an Army doctor, and you've been invalided home from Afghanistan. You've got a brother worried about you, but you won't go to him for help, because you don't approve of him, possibly because he's an alcoholic, more likely because he recently walked out on his wife, and I know your therapist thinks your limp's psychosomatic, quite correctly, I'm afraid. That's enough to be going on with, don't you think? The name is Sherlock Holmes, and the address is 221B Baker Street. Afternoon.

Yeah, he's always like that.

Molly Hooper

How’s the hip?

Mrs Hudson

Ooh, it’s atrocious, but thanks for asking.

Molly Hooper

I’ve seen much worse, but then I do post-mortems.

Molly Hooper

Oh, God. Sorry.

Sherlock Holmes

Don't make jokes Molly.

Molly Hooper

No. Sorry. [Lestrade hands her a glass of red wine] Thank you. I wasn’t expecting to see you. I thought you were gonna be in Dorset for Christmas.

That’s first thing in the morning, me and the wife. We’re back together. It’s all sorted.

Sherlock Holmes

[offhandedly] No, she's sleeping with a P.E. teacher.

Molly Hooper

And John. I hear you’re off to your sister’s, is that right?

John Watson

Yeah.

Molly Hooper

Sherlock was complaining- [gets a dirty look from Shelock] -Saying...

John Watson

First time ever, she’s cleaned up her act. She’s off the booze.

Sherlock Holmes

[offhandedly] Nope.

John Watson

Shut up Sherlock.

Sherlock Holmes

Thank you, John.

Molly Hooper

Molly.

Sherlock Holmes

Yes.

Molly Hooper

You're a bit like my dad. He's dead. Oh, sorry...

Sherlock Holmes

Molly, please don't feel the need to make conversation. It's really not your area.

Molly Hooper

When he was dying, he was always cheerful. He was lovely. Except when he thought that no one could see. I saw him once. He looked sad.

Sherlock Holmes

Molly...

Molly Hooper

You look sad... when you think he [Watson] can't see you. Are you okay? Don't just say you are, because I know what that means, looking sad when you think no one can see you.

Sherlock Holmes

You can see me.

Molly Hooper

I don't count. What I'm trying to say is that, if there's anything I can do, anything you need, anything at all, you can have me. (flustered) No, I just mean... I mean... if there's anything you need - it's fine.

Sherlock Holmes

But what could I need from you?

Sherlock Holmes

You're wrong, you know? [Molly gasps in fright and spins round] You do count. You've always counted and I've always trusted you. But you were right. I'm not okay.

Molly Hooper

Tell me what's wrong.

Sherlock Holmes

Molly... I think I'm going to die.

Molly Hooper

What do you need?

Sherlock Holmes

If I wasn't everything you think I am, everything that I think I am... would you still want to help me?

Molly Hooper

What do you need?

Sherlock Holmes

You.

Molly Hooper

Murder scenes? Locations of... murders?

Sherlock Holmes

Pub crawl, themed.

Molly Hooper

Yeah, but why can't you just do underground stations?

Sherlock Holmes

Lacks the personal touch. We're going to go for a drink in every...

Molly Hooper

...street where you've found a corpse. Delightful! Where do I come in?

Sherlock Holmes

Don't want to get ill. That would ruin it, spoil the mood.

Molly Hooper

But you're a graduate chemist, can't you just work it out?

Sherlock Holmes

I lack the practical experience.

Molly Hooper

Meaning that you think I like a drink?

Sherlock Holmes

Occasionally.

Molly Hooper

You think I'm a drunk?

Sherlock Holmes

No, no...[awkward pause] You look... well.

Molly Hooper

I am.

Sherlock Holmes

How's... [struggling to remember the name] Tom?

Molly Hooper

Not a sociopath.

Sherlock Holmes

Still? Good.

Molly Hooper

And we're having quite a lot of sex.

Sherlock Holmes

Okaaay. I want you to calculate John's ideal intake, and mine, to remain in the sweet spot for the whole evening. Light-headedness, good.

Molly Hooper

Urinating in wardrobes, bad.

Molly Hooper

Didn’t you get John’s text?

Sherlock Holmes

No. I delete his texts. I delete any text that begins “Hi.”

Molly Hooper

No idea why people think you’re incapable of human emotion.