Anderson quotes from Sherlock

Ah, Anderson. Here we are again.

Anderson

It's a crime scene. I don't want it contaminated! Are we clear on that?

Quite clear. And is your wife away for long?

Anderson

Oh don't pretend you worked that out! Somebody told you that!

Your deodorant told me that.

Anderson

My deodorant.

It's for men.

Anderson

Well of course it's for men! I'm wearing it!

So's Sergeant Donovan. [sniffs] Ooh... I think it just vaporised. May I go in?

Anderson

Now look, whatever you're implying—

I'm not implying anything. I'm sure Sally came round for a nice little chat, and just happened to stay over. And I assume she scrubbed your floors, going by the state of her knees.

[Sally looks visibly embarrassed]

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Anderson

[In the doorway] She's German. "Rache," German for revenge, she could be trying to tell us—

[Interrupts, sarcastically] Yes, thank you for your input. [Shuts the door in Anderson's face]

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[To retrieve the suitcase, Scotland Yard executes a pretend drugs bust on Sherlock's apartment]

Anderson

We found the case! According to someone, "the murderer has the case". And we found it in the hands of our favourite psychopath!

[with contempt] I'm not a psychopath, Anderson, I'm a high-functioning sociopath. Do your research.

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You can't just break into my flat!

And you can't withhold evidence! And I didn't break in to your flat.

Well what do you call this then?

It's a drugs bust!

Seriously. This guy, a junkie? Have you met him?

John.

I'm pretty sure you could search this flat all day and you wouldn't find anything that you could call recreational.

John, you might want to shut up now.

Yeah, but come on... no...

What?

...You?

Shut up. [To Lestrade] I'm not your sniffer dog.

No, Anderson's my sniffer dog.

What, A— [spots Anderson] Anderson? What are you doing here on a drugs bust?!

Anderson

Oh I volunteered.

They all did. They're not strictly speaking on the drug squad, but they're very keen.

[Sgt Donovan comes out of the kitchen with a small clear glass jar with 3 or 4 eyes in it]

DDonovan

Are these human eyes?

Put those back!

DDonovan

They were in the microwave!

It's an experiment!

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Shut up everybody, shut up! Don't move, don't speak, don't breathe, I'm trying to think. Anderson, face the other way, you're putting me off.

Anderson

What, my face is?

Everybody, quiet and still. Anderson, turn your back.

Anderson

Oh, for God's sake...

Your back! Now, please!

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[Anderson has been telling Lestrade a convoluted theory that might explain how Sherlock survived the fall from St Barts' roof]

Bollocks!

Anderson

No, no, no, no! It’s obvious! That’s how he did it! It’s obvious!

Derren Brown?! Let it go, Sherlock’s dead.

Anderson

Ah, is he?

There was a body. It was him, it was definitely him. Molly Hooper laid him out.

Anderson

No, she’s lying. It was Jim Moriarty’s body – with a mask on!

A mask? A bungee rope, a mask, Derren Brown. Two years and the theories keep getting more stupid. How many more have you got for me today?

Anderson

[Beat] Well, you know the paving slabs in that whole area, even the exact ones that he landed on, you know they were all...

[Interrupting] Guilt. That’s all this is. You pushed us all into thinking that Sherlock was a fraud, you and Donovan, you did this, and it killed him, and he’s staying dead. Do you honestly believe if you have enough stupid theories it’s going to change what really happened?

Anderson

I believe in Sherlock Holmes.

Yeah, but that won’t bring him back.