Carrie Bradshaw quotes from Sex and the City

Samantha

The only place you can control a man is in bed. If we perpetually gave men blow jobs, we could run the world!

Carrie

And at least our hands would be free to greet dignitaries and stuff.

Samantha

Carrie, you can't date your fuck buddy.

Carrie

Say it a little louder. I don't think the old lady in the last row heard you.

Samantha

You're gonna take the only person in your life that's there purely for sex, no strings attached, and turn him into a human being? Why?

Miranda

You double-booked?

Charlotte

Well, I had to. This one guy was going out of town for three weeks, and the other guy didn't wanna cancel.

Carrie

So, how do you conceive pulling this one off?

Charlotte

Early dinner with bachelor number one, late supper with bachelor number two.

Samantha

My God, you're turning into a man!

Carrie

[voiceover] Apparently Charlotte had done more than break a pattern. She had actually changed genders.

Charlotte

I just don't know how I'm ever gonna eat two dinners in a row.

Carrie

[voiceover] And then, just like that, she was a woman again.

Samantha

I fucked a guy once because his family had a pool. He was pretty much a nerd, but I'd go over there and get all cocoa-buttered up. His mom loved me. She was always serving me Kool-Aid and chips.

Carrie

Kool-Aid?

Samantha

Yeah, Kool-Aid. I was 13. And honey, you should have seen my tan.

Charlotte

It's a really cute three-bedroom cottage and they're giving us a fantastic deal for the month of August.

Carrie

Yeah, of course it's a good deal. It's haunted with cheating boyfriends and sexual rejection.

Samantha

We could always burn sage.

Samantha

I'm telling you, Carrie, it was like a wall of flesh coming at me!

Carrie

There's nothing scarier than a really big one coming at you.

Samantha

I didn't even wanna get my mouth near it, I was afraid I'd get lockjaw. I mean, it was quite a shock. His hands are relatively tiny.

Carrie

Oh, don't tell me you believe that.

Samantha

Not anymore! I am really gonna have to psych myself up before I try it again.

Carrie

You're gonna try it again? Why?

Samantha

Because it's there!

Carrie

Sweetie, it's a penis, not Mount Everest.

Samantha

Ladies, let me tell you about his cock.

Charlotte

Will you be quiet? The people at the next table have a child.

Samantha

Well, that's their choice.

Carrie

You know, Little Miss Hangover is right. Can we, uh, lighten up on the cock talk till cocktail time?

Charlotte

I think it's wrong to sleep with a man just to fulfill a certain fantasy.

Samantha

Please, all the men we sleep with fulfill a certain fantasy.

Carrie

Or nightmare.

Samantha

You fantasize a man with a Park Avenue apartment and a nice, big stock portfolio. For me, it's a fireman with a nice, big hose.

Stanford

I can only stay a few minutes. I've got tickets to The Vagina Monologues.

Carrie

Why?

Stanford

Just because I don't eat at the restaurant doesn't mean I can't hear the specials.

I also head up the committee to match mentors with underprivileged children. It would be wonderful if you'd be willing to work with some of our kids who want to write.

Carrie

I write about sex. Is that something they'd like to learn, these kids, writing about blow jobs and stuff?

Samantha

You know, that generation is all about sexual experimentation. All the kids are going bi.

Carrie

So what? If all the bi kids are jumping off a bridge, you're gonna do that too?

Samantha

I'm a "try-sexual". I'll try anything once.

Charlotte

You shouldn't be talking like that at all, Samantha. It's rude and politically incorrect.

Carrie

Sweetie, a reminder: Samantha is rude and politically incorrect.

Miranda

She's an equal opportunity offender.

Samantha

Precisely. I don't see color. I see conquests.

Samantha

[after her date's sister harassed her because she's white] Talk about politically incorrect! She can't diss me just because I'm white!

Carrie

Please tell me you didn't say "diss."

Charlotte

Maybe you should stop seeing him, Samantha. Race is a very big issue.

Samantha

No, there is no reason to bring race into this. Chivon is a sweet man. We have great sex, and he happens to have the biggest—

Charlotte

[interrupts loudly] Black cock! We know, he has a big black cock!

Samantha

I was about to say "biggest heart." But now that you're so interested, yes, he does have a big black cock. [smiles contently]

Samantha

[on the phone] They practically chased me with torches like I was Fuckenstein.

Carrie

Oh, relax, they can't evict you for having sex.

Samantha

Of course not. They're just jealous. They're a bunch of dried-up old farts who haven't had sex since Eisenhower. And I remind them of what they can't have. [sigh] It might be time to move.

Carrie

No, you can't move! You have a rent-controlled apartment on the Upper East Side.

Samantha

Honey, this isn't rent control, this is life control.

Miranda

Steve is completely predictable, but that's one of the things I love about him. He's just so comfortable and safe.

Carrie

Are you dating a man or a minivan?

Miranda

Read into it what you will, but my new favorite thing to do on a Saturday night is Steve's laundry, and I have never been happier.

Samantha

Your relationship is my greatest fear realized.