Miranda Hobbes quotes from Sex and the City

Miranda

I just realized... maybe it's maturity or the wisdom that comes with age, but the witch in "Hansel and Gretel"—she's very misunderstood. I mean, the woman builds her dream house and these brats come along and start eating it.

Miranda

[to a heckling construction worker] You got what I want? You got what I need? Well, what I want is to get laid. What I need is to get laid. I need to get laid!

Miranda

How did it happen that four such smart women have nothing to talk about but boyfriends? It's like seventh grade with bank accounts.

Miranda

Magda, what I don't need is another mother. I have one in Philadelphia, and that's close enough. I need a housekeeper, who will clean my apartment and stop judging me because I'm a 34-year-old, single woman living in New York. I drink coffee, and have sex, and buy pies and enjoy battery-operated devices.

Miranda

[to Samantha, who's offered to take Charlotte to a Playboy Mansion party] Why would that cheer her up? Does she look like a 22-year-old frat boy?

Miranda

[on the phone with Carrie] I don't know why they call it morning sickness when it's all fucking day long. Unless it's M-O-U-R-N, as in "mourning the loss of your single life."

Miranda

It's amazing. In a courtroom, reasonable doubt can get you off for murder. In an engagement, it makes you feel like a bad person.

Miranda

[to a salesclerk, while shopping for a wedding dress] I said no white, no ivory, no nothing that says "virgin". I have a child. The jig is up.

Charlotte

I just know no matter how good I feel about myself, if I see Christy Turlington, I just want to give up!

Miranda

Well, I just want to tie her down and force-feed her lard, but that's the difference between you and me.

Samantha

Front, back, who cares? A hole is a hole.

Miranda

Can I quote you?

Samantha

Oh, don't be so judgmental. You could use a little back door.

Charlotte

I'm not a hole!

Carrie

Honey, we know.

Samantha

Look, all I'm saying, that this is—this is a physical expression that the body was... well, it was designed to experience. And P.S., it's fabulous.

Charlotte

What are you talking about? I went to Smith!

Samantha

Look, I'm just saying, with the right guy, and the right lubricant...

Charlotte

What was that?

A preview. [Carrie, Miranda and Samantha laugh]

Carrie

We had such a fantastic connection. Then he leaves me money. I don't understand. What exactly about me screams "whore"?

Miranda

Besides the thousand dollars on the end table?

Samantha

Money is power. Sex is power. Therefore, getting money for sex is simply an exchange of power.

Miranda

Don't listen to the dime-store Camille Paglia.

Charlotte

[to Carrie, about her date with Big] I thought you were serious about this guy. You can't sleep with him on the first date.

Samantha

Oh, God!

Miranda

Here she goes again with "The Rules."

Samantha

The women who wrote that book, they wrote it because they couldn't get laid, so they constructed this whole bullshit theory to make women who can get laid feel bad.

Samantha

Reality check: A guy can just as easily dump you if you fuck him on the first date as he can if you wait until the tenth.

Miranda

When have you ever been on a tenth date?

Miranda

Oral sex is like God's gift to women. You can get off without worrying about getting pregnant.

Samantha

Plus, the sense of power is such a turn-on. Maybe you're on your knees, but you got 'em by the balls.

Charlotte

Now, you see, that is the reason that I don't wanna go down this road.

Carrie

Oh, sweetheart, if you're gonna get all choked up about it... just don't do it. Don't do it.

Miranda

But if you don't go down on him, how can you expect him to go down on you?

Charlotte

I don't.

Miranda

Oh, well, forget it! I only give head to get head.

Samantha

Me too.