Carrie Bradshaw quotes from Sex and the City

Miranda

Maybe I'm mistaking falling into a rut with intimacy.

Carrie

How often are you guys having sex?

Miranda

Often enough. But it's totally generic. We've got every move down pat. It's more like a race to have an orgasm than anything else.

Carrie

Still, it's nice to be a contestant, isn't it?

Miranda

Sure. I know what you mean. We whine when we don't have a boyfriend, and we whine when we do.

Charlotte

Do you know what I read? That if you don't have sex for a year, you can actually become revirginized.

Carrie

And, I would imagine, quite frisky.

Charlotte

But isn't that great? You can erase your whole sexual past and start again.

Carrie

Who wants their virginity back? It was bad enough the first time.

Miranda

Do you have another?

Carrie

Ladies, I am not Tampax central. Put on list: Buy tampons.

Charlotte

Well, I have them at home, but they won't fit in my Kate Spade purse.

Miranda

Wow, Kate must have a tiny vagina.

Samantha

Well, let's just say it: You won.

Carrie

Was there a contest?

Samantha

Oh, please! There's always a contest with an ex. It's called "who will die miserable?".

Samantha

[after learning Carrie had an affair with Big] It's all about the pheromones. We're all just animals reacting to each other's smell.

Carrie

I have a non-married, wonderful boyfriend with all his hair, waiting for me, who smells great.

Samantha

Don't beat yourself up. Aidan hasn't said "I love you" yet. Until he does, you're a free agent.

Carrie

What is that, "The Rules According to Samantha"?

Samantha

See? I'm more old-fashioned than you think.

Samantha

I'm gonna tell you something. There's two types of guys out there—the ones that hold your hand, and the ones that fuck you.

Carrie

[voiceover] And I'd slept with both of them in the last 48 hours.

Samantha

And the guys that fuck you aren't worth a damn. We're all alone, Carrie. [starts crying]

Carrie

[after telling Miranda about her affair with Big] I want everyone to get out of this without anyone getting hurt.

Miranda

Well, that's realistic.

Carrie

Why not? You've heard those stories about affairs where people realize how great their other relationship is and end it without anyone being the wiser.

Miranda

I don't watch Lifetime Television for Women.

Charlotte

The pink Post-its are for the gowns I kinda like. The green Post-its are for the gowns I kinda really like. And the yellow Post-its are for the gowns I don't know if I like. Here.

Miranda

Kill me, please. Just take a sharp object and drag it across my throat.

Charlotte

Stop. Miranda, you take Modern Bride. Samantha, New York Bride. [hands Miranda and Charlotte bridal magazines]

Carrie

And I'll take what, Annoying Bride?

Charlotte

Here, Carrie. Page 211. Pink Post-its. Tell me what you think. [hands Carrie a bridal magazine]

Carrie

Okey-dokey.

Miranda

[looking at a magazine] Ooh! Cute purse!

Charlotte

No purses! There's no time for purses! This is gown-specific!

Miranda

What's your theme again? A Nazi wedding?

Miranda

I'm just saying, as a lawyer—a partner, no less—I got zero dates, and as a stewardess, I got one for tomorrow night.

Carrie

I believe the correct term is "flight attendant".

Miranda

Not if you wanna get laid.

Samantha

Honey, it doesn't matter what you say you do. It's how you say it. For example, "I'm in PR". Translation: "I give great head".

Charlotte

[after the wedding] I finally get to sleep with Trey.

Carrie

Excuse me?

Miranda

You haven't slept with him yet?

Samantha

Honey, before you buy the car, you take it for a test drive!

Charlotte

I wanted to save myself until we got married.

Carrie

But, sweetie, you're not a virgin.

Charlotte

Well, I am in this relationship, and I think it's romantic.

Samantha

Yeah, it's romantic until he can't figure out where to put it in.

Charlotte

So how are you?

Carrie

I'm good. How are you?

Charlotte

Great.

Carrie

I told Aidan about the affair and he broke up with me.

Charlotte

Trey and I never had sex on our honeymoon.

Carrie

You win. So, should we get more coffee or should we get two guns and kill ourselves?

Samantha

I've got something to make you feel better. [hands Carrie and Miranda packages]

Carrie

Oh! Dildos before 10 am. I'm all perked up.

Samantha

They're autographed. One for each.

Miranda

My friend went to California. All I got was this lousy dildo.

Carrie

Could you please put these back wherever they came from? People are staring.

Samantha

Please, it's LA. No one cares if your egg whites have a side of cock.

Carrie

Nothing surprises me anymore. Apparently, in LA, house-sitters are somebodies and New York writers are prostitutes.

Samantha

Oh, sweetie, you're at least a high-class escort.

Carrie

Thank you.

Miranda

They're starting to die on us.

Charlotte

Oh, my God.

Samantha

Well, at least you weren't stood up.

Miranda

35 and they're dying! We should just give up now.

Carrie

Well, on the bright side, this could explain why they don't call back.

Charlotte

How did he...

Miranda

Heart attack. At the gym.

Carrie

See? This is why I don't work out.

Charlotte

We've been trying, you know, to...

Samantha

Fuck?

Charlotte

Whatever. And it's just not...

Samantha

Getting big and hard?

Carrie

What is this, dirty Mad Libs?