Samantha Jones quotes from Sex and the City

Samantha

The country runs better with a good-looking man in the White House. I mean, look what happened to Nixon. No one wanted to fuck him, so he fucked everyone.

Samantha

[to Adam] You men have no idea what we're dealing with down there. Teeth placement, and jaw stress, and suction, and gag reflex, and all the while bobbing up and down, moaning and trying to breathe through our noses. Easy? Honey, they don't call it a job for nothing. Now, having said all that, with the right man it can be fabulous. That is, unless the man in question has spunk that's like a trip to the rotten egg buffet.

Samantha

What is it about the weekends now? I swear to God, every guy I've fucked since Memorial Day wants to know what I'm doing this weekend. They just don't get it. My weekends are for meeting new guys, so I don't have to keep fucking the old ones.

Samantha

[about Richard] Okay, you want details? Okay. He's got the most perfect dick I've ever seen. Long, pink, amazing. It's dickalicious.

Samantha

[on the phone] I am so fucked.

Carrie

What's wrong?

Samantha

No, I mean, literally. I have been fucked every way you can be fucked.

Carrie

If you keep talking like that, I'm gonna charge you by the minute.

Samantha

Front, back, who cares? A hole is a hole.

Miranda

Can I quote you?

Samantha

Oh, don't be so judgmental. You could use a little back door.

Charlotte

I'm not a hole!

Carrie

Honey, we know.

Samantha

Look, all I'm saying, that this is—this is a physical expression that the body was... well, it was designed to experience. And P.S., it's fabulous.

Charlotte

What are you talking about? I went to Smith!

Samantha

Look, I'm just saying, with the right guy, and the right lubricant...

Charlotte

What was that?

A preview. [Carrie, Miranda and Samantha laugh]

Samantha

Money is power. Sex is power. Therefore, getting money for sex is simply an exchange of power.

Miranda

Don't listen to the dime-store Camille Paglia.

Charlotte

[to Carrie, about her date with Big] I thought you were serious about this guy. You can't sleep with him on the first date.

Samantha

Oh, God!

Miranda

Here she goes again with "The Rules."

Samantha

The women who wrote that book, they wrote it because they couldn't get laid, so they constructed this whole bullshit theory to make women who can get laid feel bad.

Samantha

Reality check: A guy can just as easily dump you if you fuck him on the first date as he can if you wait until the tenth.

Miranda

When have you ever been on a tenth date?

Miranda

Oral sex is like God's gift to women. You can get off without worrying about getting pregnant.

Samantha

Plus, the sense of power is such a turn-on. Maybe you're on your knees, but you got 'em by the balls.

Charlotte

Now, you see, that is the reason that I don't wanna go down this road.

Carrie

Oh, sweetheart, if you're gonna get all choked up about it... just don't do it. Don't do it.

Miranda

But if you don't go down on him, how can you expect him to go down on you?

Charlotte

I don't.

Miranda

Oh, well, forget it! I only give head to get head.

Samantha

Me too.

Samantha

Threesomes are huge right now. They're the blow job of the '90s.

Charlotte

What was the blow job of the '80s?

Samantha

Anal sex.

Miranda

[about the married man Samantha is having an affair with] He's never gonna leave his wife for you, you know. They never do.

Samantha

Thank God. Who needs the trouble? This is ideal. No muss, no fuss.

Carrie

Sounds like you're selling toilet bowl cleaner.

Carrie

I'm not gonna replace a man with some battery-operated device.

Miranda

You say that, but you haven't met "The Rabbit."

Samantha

Oh, come on. If you're gonna get a vibrator, at least get one called "The Horse."

Charlotte

A vibrator does not call you on your birthday. A vibrator doesn't send you flowers the next day. You cannot take a vibrator home to meet your mother.

Miranda

Well, I know where my next orgasm is coming from. Who here can say as much?

Carrie

Oh, shit! I totally spaced. I forgot to buy her a present. How tacky is it to give the mother-to-be a fistful of cash?

Samantha

Oh, don't worry about it. [picks up a bottle of Scotch] You can go in on mine.

Carrie

You bought a pregnant woman a bottle of Scotch?

Samantha

The invitation said BYOB.

Miranda

That meant "bring your own baby."

Samantha

[after announcing she met a guy she's in love with] I'd totally given up on the idea that you could actually talk to men.

Carrie

Hey, don't spread that around.

Samantha

Before James, all my conversations consisted of two sentences—"give it to me" and "go home." And I owe it all to Charlotte.

Charlotte

Me? What did I do?

Samantha

All that bullshit you spout about not sleeping with men right away actually paid off. I mean, if I'd fucked James already, who knows where we'd be.

Miranda

Wait. You haven't had sex yet?

Samantha

Soon. You know... I think he's someone I could actually marry.

Charlotte

Samantha, that's great.

Carrie

[voiceover] The idea that Samantha could possibly get married before she did shook Charlotte's beliefs to the core.