A character in Saved by the Bell
Played by Dustin Diamond
Saved by the Bell · 217 quotes
Tied for 2nd most-quoted character in Saved by the Bell: in 56 of its 217 quotes
Most scenes with: Zack (21), Slater (16), Lisa (13)
Now, where was I?
ScreechYou were about to say no one has the power to see the future.
Right, Screech, no one has the power to see the future!
ScreechOops, I'll pick them up!
Pick what up? (knocks over pencil holder) Uh... Screech, I'm just curious. My mother-in-law is staying with us indefinitely. By any chance, can you tell me -
ScreechShe'll be gone by Tuesday.
ALRIGHT!
[Students got slaughtered by Mr. Testaverde's midterm. Test results are in]
I do not believe this, C-! [Kelly grabs Zack's lapels after he overconfidently claimed he could help her] Zack Morris, I am a forgiving person, but this is going to take a very long time!
Lisa, what is that funny looking letter next to my name?
It's a Q, Jessie.
No, really, really, I can take it. Whatever I got, I deserved. For the first time in my life, I took the easy way out. I'm prepared to face the consequences.
It's a B, Jessie. [Jessie faints]
ScreechZack, I got an A!
Hey, Screech, how did you do that?
ScreechWell, I was seeing so many pictures, I just stayed up all night and went over everything.
Ohh, you cheated! You studied!
As for me, D+, and now we go to the bottom of the barrel, Zack Morris, F- for scamming. I get back my bomber jacket, and you can use your cellular phone to order me a pizza.
[the class departs the room, except for Zack, who calls the pizzeria]
Yes, I would like to order a large pizza. For toppings, I would like mushrooms, anchovies, and the hottest peppers you can find!
What's happening here, Screech? Nobody wants me around anymore.
ScreechCan you blame them, Brillo head?
Did they really say that (call him a "chauvinistic, musclebound meathead")?
ScreechHey, would I have the guts to make it up?
Everyone tell me your names...
ScreechI'm Screech.
I'm Slater.
(dreamily) I'm yours.
I'm bummed!
Did you wash your face today?
ScreechWhy would I do that during the week?
ScreechZack! My worst nightmare has come true!
You found out that ALF is a puppet.
ScreechHe is??!!
Where's Slater?
ScreechI killed him! I wanted first crack at you!
Screech, what are you doing?
ScreechCruising for chicks.
In the boys' locker room?
Screech you can't elope!
ScreechWho are you calling cantaloupe, you melon head?!
Okay, so when do we start?
ScreechWell, tonight, but it has to be at my place. I'm not allowed out after ALF.
ScreechYou homewrecker! Stay away from my mommy!
She's not your mommy!
ScreechIs that true, daddy?
I'm not your daddy!
ScreechI'm an orphan.
Lisa no en casa.
ScreechI love it when you speak German!
Do you boys take these girls to be your school wives?
Oh, you bet!
I guess.
ScreechWHA-HOO!
That's what Mrs. Belding said when we got married. Girls?
I do.
I do.
I don't.
We pumped helium in Valley's music room. Now their Glee Club sounds like the Chipmunks.
[he, Zack, and Screech inhale helium from balloons]
[higher-pitched voices] Oh when the saints go marching in!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Saved by the Bell pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
